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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28160193">The Five Years In Between</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseDeVents/pseuds/RoseDeVents'>RoseDeVents</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Divergence - Episode: s03e10 Maveth, F/M, Fluff, Grant Ward Redemption, Jemma Simmons needs therapy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:14:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>56,745</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28160193</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseDeVents/pseuds/RoseDeVents</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A retelling after season 3, episode 9 with the Snap happening just before Fitz and Ward go to Maveth. Jemma is left with no one but Ward in a transformed world. When Coulson and May reappear suddenly and tell them the Avengers have a new plan to bring everyone back, how can she explain the past five years to them? And when Fitz and the rest of her team Blip back, how can she make them understand why she married Grant Ward?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jemma Simmons/Grant Ward</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wrote this story for NaNoWriMo – the goal being to write a 50,000-word novel in a month. I've been trying to do the challenge for years and never finished before ... not sure if it counts that I used existing characters but it made all the difference and I finally completed it this year!! I don’t have an editor so I’m hoping there aren’t any glaring errors ☺ Do let me know of any plot holes.</p><p>This story was first inspired by The Event by JDPhoenix, https://archiveofourown.org/works/23569000, which I recently re-read before posting this and there are more similarities than I remembered. It must have stayed in my head while I was writing my version. Sorry JDPhoenix - you are just too big of a Biospecialist inspiration!</p><p>I struggled on the rating and landed on “teen and up.” There will be a few chapters that have explicit content and I will mark those in the notes. I intended to remove those parts for the sake of the rating but I think the story is made better for them. Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>Leo Fitz takes Jemma Simmons’ hand as they walk through the Operation Distant Star facility, a welcome gesture from the man who found out only days ago that she dreamed of settling down with him in Scotland. After they rescue her boyfriend, Will Daniels, of course.</p><p>Her comms crackle on and she puts her finger to her ear as Daisy Johnson’s voice says desperately, “Jemma, Fitz, you guys need to get back to the base <em>now</em>.”</p><p>“What’s happened?” Jemma replies, exchanging worried glances with Fitz.</p><p>“Something in New York. There’s an alien ship there. Again,” Daisy vaguely explains.</p><p>“We’ll leave right now,” Fitz says, with a nod to Jemma. They jog to catch up with Luther Banks, an agent of the Advanced Threat Containment Unit (ATCU), to let him know they need to leave immediately. They hear gun shots when they enter the next room. Banks has shot the SHIELD agents around the perimeter and turns his gun on them.</p><p>“Don’t do this,” Fitz cautions.</p><p>“It’s not me!” Banks replies desperately.</p><p>The gun floats in the air and turns toward Banks. He looks helplessly as it fires into his head. Jemma and Fitz look on in shock. Before they can even think, a man walks into the room.</p><p>“Let’s go,” he says. “Mr. Malick is waiting.”</p><p>…</p><p>Jemma looks around the large room. She vaguely remembers being here before, when she got back from the alien planet she was stuck on for 6 months. Fitz brought her back then because he loves her. Fitz cracked and agreed to help HYDRA now because he loves her. </p><p>She doesn’t expect anyone from the team to come rescue them, and maybe Fitz guessed the same. Something more pressing and probably horrible was going on in New York before they were captured and who knows what is happening now.</p><p>Her body is aching all over from the torture she endured. The inhuman guy was bad enough but when a furious Grant Ward stormed in after, he showed her no mercy. No one is paying her any attention so she sprints across the room to Fitz.</p><p>“Hey!" Fitz tells the inhuman. "You touch her and the deal’s off."</p><p>“Fitz, you can’t do this,” she tries to reason with him.</p><p>“My mind’s made up, Jemma.”</p><p>“No, we can’t let them bring that thing back to this planet. Fitz … Please, just let them kill me.” She starts to tear up at the thought, but she knows the stakes. She knows she is the only one on Earth who grasps how evil the thing on the other side is. It would be worth dying just to know it didn’t have a chance to wreck Earth the way it did the other planet.</p><p>“I can’t do that. I won’t,” Fitz says. “I can’t lose you again. I’m just … I’m not strong enough to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it.” He shrugs like it is an undeniable fact.</p><p><em>Oh this wonderful, wonderful man, </em>she thinks. He is looking at her with so much love. The tears start to flow and because her hands are tied behind her back, she can’t pull him into a hug the way she wants to. She puts her head on his shoulder instead.</p><p>“Oh, come back to me,” she whispers. His hand lightly strokes the back of her neck. “Just don’t bring that thing with you.”</p><p>“The only thing I’m going to bring back is Will, OK?” He tucks her hair behind her ear.</p><p>“Let’s get this show on the road,” Ward interrupts, walking into the room with HYDRA head Gideon Malick like they own the place. He’s wearing head-to-toe camouflage and a bulky vest. He looks ridiculous.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Jemma asks him.</p><p>“Leading,” Ward tells her as he puts on a matching camo cap.</p><p>They hear faraway screams. Malick and Ward share a look.</p><p>“SHIELD?” Malick asks.</p><p>“We better get going,” Ward says, nodding to one of the techs.</p><p>Suddenly, Malick cries out. All eyes in the room look at him. His hand is turning to dust in front of them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>“What about John?”</p><p>“You can’t be serious?” Jemma asks, raising an eyebrow. “After what that man –”</p><p>“Yep, that’s fair,” Grant concedes quickly. “So I guess Garrett is also out of the question?”</p><p>Jemma glares at him as she puts on a cardigan.</p><p>“Who knew picking the name would be the hard part?” Grant says with a laugh.</p><p>Jemma’s face softens and he knows by her look that she is getting ready to say something she’s been wanting to say for a while.</p><p>“What?” he asks nervously, zipping up his pants.</p><p>“I already know what you’re going to say,” she says tentatively, “but I’m going to ask anyway… how about Leo?”</p><p>Grant sighs and gives her a sad smile. “Leo,” he repeats.</p><p>“He was my best friend and I never even called him that,” she says a bit wistfully. “It’d be nice to pay tribute to someone we lost.”</p><p>“Yeah, but,” Grant says delicately, “he was the love of your life. I don't think we need the reminder that this wasn’t how we were expecting our lives to go.”</p><p>Jemma gives him a mocking look of shock. “Oh, you mean when you kidnapped and tortured me, you didn’t realize that one day I was the going to be the mother of your child?”</p><p>Grant gives her that familiar guilty look and she puts her hand on his arm to put him at ease.</p><p>“I’m sorry, that wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be,” she apologizes.</p><p>“I thought I’d made up for that by now,” he says sadly.</p><p>“You have. A million times over.”</p><p>“And yet you still want to name our son after Fitz ...”</p><p>“Forget I said anything,” she mumbles.</p><p>They both sigh. He takes her hand in his and kisses it.</p><p>“Look, I don’t want to want to fight about this,” he says.</p><p>“Me neither,” she agrees.</p><p>“You’re the one carrying him for 9 months, I think you get all the rights on naming him,” he says with a smile.</p><p>“Just not Leo? Or John?” she smiles back.</p><p>“Or Will,” he grimaces.</p><p>“Or Christian,” she counters.</p><p>“Or Phil,” he laughs.</p><p>“Or Gideon.”</p><p>“I know it would be nice to pay tribute to someone we lost, but can’t we think of a name that would be his own?”</p><p>“Maybe we just wait till we meet him? Hope he looks like a Steve or a Tony or a Bruce –“</p><p>“None of those either!”</p><p>“There aren’t going to be any names left!” Jemma says in exasperation.</p><p>“You’re a genius, you’ll think of something.”</p><p>He leans down to kiss her. His hand moves along her pregnant belly to her hip, pulling her closer to him. They just got dressed for the day but she’s amenable to going back to bed. His tongue slides into her mouth and teases her. She runs a hand down his back to his bum.</p><p>They’re interrupted by a knock on the door to their quarters. Grant groans. At least they're both decent. She’s gotten used to the knocks at all hours and there have been plenty of times they’ve been interrupted in the throes of passion with some sort of emergency. Jemma gives Grant a nod and he walks across the room to answer the door.</p><p>“Yeah?” he asks.</p><p>“Director, we just received a message you’ll want to hear.” Jemma joins Grant at the door and Agent James Davis nods at her. “You, too, Dr. Ward.”</p><p>“Oh?” Grant asks. They both look at Davis expectantly.</p><p>“We’ve finally heard from Agent Coulson,” he says excitedly.</p><p>“What?” Jemma asks in disbelief. She and Grant exchange a look.</p><p>“C’mon,” Grant says, taking her hand.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>Jemma watches in horror and some delight as Malick’s body disintegrates in front of them. There are some cries around the room as some of the HYDRA soldiers follow suit.</p><p>“Fitz, what is this?” she asks, turning to him.</p><p>“I’m not sure,” he says uneasily. “Splinter bombs?”</p><p>“Maybe it’s SHIELD,” she says hopefully.</p><p>“Jemma!” Fitz shouts, looking down at his feet.</p><p>“No!” Jemma cries. His body is starting to fall apart like Malick’s. “No, Fitz! No!” His hand rests on her shoulder even as his other starts to break apart.</p><p>“I love you, Jemma,” he says, a smile on his face.</p><p>“I love you, too!” she cries helplessly as he fades away. “I love you so much, Fitz. Fitz! FITZ!”</p><p>He’s gone.</p><p>She falls to the floor, clawing where he disappeared. “Fitz! No! Fitz! Fitz!”</p><p>The room is spinning. Her chest aches. She doesn’t know what just happened but she hopes she’s next. Fitz just said he didn’t want to live in a world without her in it and she realizes in this moment that she feels the same. Now it’s too late.</p><p>“What the hell just happened?” Ward demands, standing in front of her. He grips her arm roughly and pulls her to her feet.</p><p>“I don’t know!” she cries.</p><p>“Is this some sort of SHIELD technology?”</p><p>“I’ll ask you the same of HYDRA,” she spits back at him. “In case you haven’t noticed, Fitz is gone. He’s gone!” She breaks down into sobs.</p><p>Ward throws her back on the floor. “Stay there.”</p><p>The room is in chaos and she watches through her tears as Ward tries to make order out of it. He tells his soldiers to fall in line but too many of them are running away. Too many of them have simply disappeared.</p><p><em>At least no one will be going to that planet,</em> she thinks. She was willing to die to prevent it, and instead Fitz may have. She can’t catch her breath. She thinks she must be hyperventilating.</p><p>“Simmons,” Ward say gruffly. “Get it together!”</p><p>He’s on the floor next to her and she scowls at him.</p><p>“Breathe in,” he instructs. “Breathe out.” She follows his rhythm. In and out. In and out. Maybe she can figure this out. Maybe it’s not as bad as it seems.</p><p>“Sir,” a HYDRA soldier standing over them says. “We just got confirmation from headquarters. This happened all over the world.”</p><p>“Does it have something to do with what was happening in Wakanda?” Ward asks him.</p><p>“Wakanda?” Jemma asks, leveling out her breaths. They ignore her.</p><p>“The Avengers?” Ward asks.</p><p>“Still no word about them,” the soldier says.</p><p>“Find out!” Ward barks at him.</p><p>“Yes, sir,” the soldier says before running off.</p><p>“So, Dr. Simmons,” Ward says, turning to her. “Any idea what could kill people all over the world in an instant?”</p><p>“My only guess would be what’s on the other side of the portal,” she says.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>Jemma slips her hand into Grant’s as they follow Agent Davis down the hall. He gives her hand a squeeze and flashes a slight smile. She runs a finger over his wedding ring.</p><p>She’s been waiting years to hear from Coulson, but now that it’s finally happening she is filled with dread. They’ve moved on from SHIELD and started something new. Coulson isn’t likely to understand what they’ve built here in his absence. What she’s built here with Grant. It’s a whole new life personally and professionally.</p><p>She decides to focus on the professional. Coulson abandoned them. He doesn’t have a right to waltz back in here. He owes them an explanation, and she hopes this message will fill in the gaps.</p><p>They walk into the control room and Director Ward releases her hand.</p><p>“Play it,” he says quickly. Davis turns to Agent Briana Piper and nods.</p><p>“This is SHIELD 616, requesting permission to land. I’m not sure if anyone is still there but my name is Agent Phil Coulson. I’ve been gone for a while.”</p><p><em>Permission to land? Coulson is here!, </em>Jemma thinks. </p><p>“Is that it?” Grant asks.</p><p>“The quinjet he is referring to came into our airspace about 10 minutes ago. We haven’t responded yet,” Piper explains.</p><p>“How do you want to proceed, Director?” Davis asks Grant.</p><p>He exchanges a look with Jemma. All she can do is shrug. </p><p>“Give them permission,” Grant says.</p><p>“SHIELD 616, this is SWORD mission control, you have permission to land,” Piper says through the comms. She opens the hangar door.</p><p>Ward looks at Jemma and she shrugs again. “I thought I would be happier than this,” she tells him quietly.</p><p>“Are you just as nervous as I am?” Grant asks.</p><p>“Maybe not quite as much,” she says, putting her hand on his shoulder. “Let me go out and greet him. Soften the blow.”</p><p>“Do you think May is still with him?”</p><p>“I hope so,” she says.</p><p>“They better have a damn good explanation,” he says. She knows he is saying that on her behalf. But Phil Coulson and Melinda May left her behind years ago and she has moved past it.</p><p>“Don’t worry about me if they don’t. A lot has changed,” she looks at him knowingly and he reflexively puts his hand on her belly. He nods.</p><p>“Please just stay here,” she cautions. “No matter what happens.”</p><p>He gives her a look.</p><p>“It’s Coulson; he won’t hurt me,” she says.</p><p>He rolls his eyes. “OK, I’ll stay here ­– but I’ll be watching.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>Jemma spends the night crying on the floor of the castle. Ward doesn’t go far, keeping one hand on his gun as a warning. She half listens when he gets updates from what appears to be his last loyal soldier. All the other HYDRA agents seem to have abandoned ship. Or disappeared.</p><p>What happened here happened all over the world. An alien named Thanos attacked Earth. It started in New York, but there were small battles in several cities before it all culminated in Wakanda. That must be where her team went while she and Fitz were held captive. Of course they would want to defend Earth with the Avengers. She doesn’t blame them for leaving her here with Ward.</p><p>But she does start to wonder if anyone plans to come for her at all. If there are any members of her team left, that is. Her chest feels heavy again, thinking about the way Fitz disintegrated in front of her. How many other members of the team did the same?</p><p>“Half of the … universe?” she hears Ward say. She focuses.</p><p>“Apparently this guy Thanos was obsessed with getting the magic stones for one reason only – Snapping away half of <em>all </em>life,” the loyal soldier says.</p><p>“Snapping?”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s what some people are calling it. He put the stones into a glove and it gave him all these powers. Once he got the last one from The Vision, he Snapped his fingers and poof!”</p><p>“The whole universe?” Ward asks again.</p><p>“Will!” Jemma cries out. Ward and the soldier look over at her. She glances at the spot where the portal was set to open. “I’ll go with you!” Her brain is being impulsive, speaking before she can think. She already lost Fitz, but maybe there’s still hope for Will. She has to find him. She has to try.</p><p>“Go where?” Ward asks.</p><p>“Through the portal,” she points. “Please, I have to know if he’s alive!”</p><p>“Your boyfriend?”</p><p>“Yes, I’ll go with you! I’ll show you where to go.”</p><p>Ward and the soldier are talking to each other but she isn’t listening, just staring at the spot in the middle of the room. This is a bad idea, but she has to know. Yesterday she had two men she loved, now one is gone. Maybe one is still out there.</p><p>But the monster! If she heard correctly, since half of the universe was wiped out that means It might be gone, too. It was a creature of sorts. Maybe Will is OK. Maybe he is alone on that desert planet finally, and she can bring him home.</p><p>Ward walks over and puts his hand on her shoulder. She looks up at him. There’s a look in his eye she can’t decipher. Is it concern? For her? Doubtful.</p><p>“You need to get some rest,” he orders.</p><p>“Didn’t you hear me? I’ll give you what you want! I’ll go through the portal with you.”</p><p>“After you get some rest,” he says.</p><p>“You promise?” she asks. He looks at her in confusion and then nods.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>Jemma takes a deep breath. The quinjet is in the hangar but she keeps her distance. Agents Davis and Piper are standing with her, and even though they both worked with Coulson and May, their hands are not far from their holsters. The voice through the comms was definitely Coulson’s but one can never be too careful. They’ve had more than a few surprises over the years.</p><p>The quinjet’s ramp starts to lower and she swallows. She tries to calm her nerves. She tries to focus on what she’ll say first. She always does better with a little preparation.</p><p>Phil Coulson is smiling at her and surprisingly, so is Melinda May. It puts her at ease, and she smiles back. She hurriedly walks toward them.</p><p>“Sir,” she says brightly. “It’s wonderful to see you.”</p><p>“Agent Simmons,” he replies, “thanks for keeping the light on for us.”</p><p>When they’re close enough, she hugs them both unabashedly. Her whole body relaxes. Though she knows there’s a lot to tell them, in this moment she hopes it will be all right.</p><p>“We have a lot to catch up on,” she tells them.</p><p>“We can see that,” May says, pointing to her baby bump.</p><p>Jemma blushes and puts her hand on her stomach.</p><p>“You look happy,” Coulson notes.</p><p>“So do you,” Jemma nods toward their hands, which they are holding together. “But there’s no rush, is there? Would you like to get some sleep? Or something to eat first? We have rooms prepared for you. Or, if you’d prefer, <em>a</em> room.”</p><p>Coulson and May exchange looks.</p><p>“That’d be nice, we came a long way,” Coulson says. “There’s just one question I have first.”</p><p>“What’s that, sir?”</p><p>“What is SWORD?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>Jemma and Ward have been hiking for hours. She’s glad he outfitted her with the right gear or her feet would be in a lot of pain. And that would have been on top of the aches from the torture she endured. Was that only yesterday? It’s all blended together now and on this planet, it’s even harder to tell.</p><p>Finally, they reach the pond that saved her life twice the last time she was here.</p><p>“Just a bit further,” she says. </p><p>Her body starts to tingle in anticipation as they reach the hatch in the ground. It’s the moment of truth. If Will is in here, she can finally bring him home.</p><p>“Would you mind waiting here a moment?” she asks Ward.</p><p>“Sure,” he says dryly. “Wouldn’t want to put a damper on your little reunion.”</p><p>She takes a deep breath and opens the hatch. She climbs down the ladder and lands softly on the ground.</p><p>“Will?” she calls out. “Will, it’s Jemma. And it’s really me. I promise.”</p><p>She walks through the tunnel, adjusting to the dim lighting. She knows at once that the fire is out. It’s instantly concerning because Will always leaves it burning. It’s hard to see without it, and the substrata is only offering a faint light so she flips on her flashlight.</p><p>“Will?” she continues to call.</p><p>She walks past the useless pile of equipment she used to find the exit point before. Now she has Fitz’s simulation, which will work much better. They still have 7 hours to get to the exit point and that should be plenty of time. Ward’s loyal soldier, who she now knows is named Danny Evans, will open the portal for them then. And if not, it will open in its own time.</p><p>She walks past the fire pit, it’s not even smoldering. That means it’s been out for at least 6 hours. Will would never let it go that long. She starts to worry.</p><p>In their bedroom, the cots are still next to each other. Nothing looks like it has been moved since she was last here. It’s exactly as she left it. She hopes that doesn’t mean the monster killed Will the minute she left.</p><p>She starts to accept that Will isn’t here. She stops calling out his name. There are no signs of life in this cave. Or death. It’s just empty.</p><p>She continues looking around anyway, looking for some sort of sign. Maybe there’s a note here somewhere; maybe Will moved somewhere else in the month she’s been gone. She knows that’s far from likely, knowing he spent more than a decade in the safety of this cave. She hears the hatch open and for a brief moment, she is hopeful.</p><p>“Simmons?” Ward calls.</p><p>She makes her way back toward the ladder and looks up. She shakes her head at him.</p><p>“Oh,” Ward says knowingly. “Let me know when you’re ready to go.” He closes the hatch.</p><p>She goes back to their cots. Will’s gone. But she doesn’t know what happened. It could have been anything, but she hopes it was the Snap. That would mean it was painless. And that maybe someday he’ll come back; she’s sure the Avengers are still working on a plan.</p><p>She picks up his pillow and sniffs. It smells like him. She removes the pillowcase and folds it up, then puts it into a pocket of her jacket. She finds a pen and paper in her bag and writes him a note.</p><p>
  <em>“I came back for you but you weren’t here. I’m so sorry. I’m still hoping I will see you again some day. Love, Jemma”</em>
</p><p>She leaves the note and a Snickers bar on his bed. Snickers were on the list of things he would eat immediately once they got home. She wonders if maybe it will be too tough on him to eat one knowing he’ll probably never have one again, but she leaves it anyway.</p><p>She makes her way slowly back to the ladder and gives the cave one last look before climbing up. Ward is looking through his binoculars when she gets to the top.</p><p>“Did you see something?” she asks hopefully.</p><p>“No,” he says. “Unfortunately not.”</p><p>“Me neither,” she sighs.</p><p>“C’mon, let’s go.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>“Ward?” Coulson asks in shock, “<em>Grant</em> Ward?”</p><p>Jemma looks at him across the table in the briefing room. She’s been explaining what he’s missed over the past five years and now she’s starting to move into the stressful part of the conversation. May’s face is blank but her eyes are forming into a glare.</p><p>“Yes, he and I started SWORD after the Snap,” Jemma explains. “It felt right for everyone to come together finally. To stop fighting each other and focus on the threats to Earth as a whole.”</p><p>“You brought HYDRA and SHIELD <em>together</em>?” Coulson asks in dismay.</p><p>“Yes, and as you can see it’s worked out,” she says, gesturing around the room.</p><p>“How could you trust him? After everything he did?” May asks. “Last we heard, he had captured you.”</p><p>“Yes, I was with him when it happened,” she defends. “And when no one came to save me.”</p><p>Coulson looks wounded. “What about Fitz?” Coulson asks. His eyes glance down at her belly. “I assumed he was …”</p><p>“He vanished,” Simmons says quietly. May and Coulson both look at her with concern. But surely they should have realized when Fitz didn’t come to greet them that he was gone. Maybe they were hopeful.</p><p>“I assure you I trust Director Ward with my life,” she says, and her hand ghosts over her belly. “With <em>our</em> lives.”</p><p>May gives her a knowing look.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Simmons,” Coulson says. “We should have come to find you before we left. It was very sudden.”</p><p>“I was in good hands,” she says. “But why have you stayed away for so long? We needed you here, sir.”</p><p>“That’s another long story,” he sighs. “We can talk about that later. What you need to know now is – the Avengers finally have a plan.”</p><p>“A plan for what?” she asks.</p><p>“A plan to bring them back.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The “NOW” in this chapter includes explicit sexual content.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>Ward sighs. “Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>Jemma whips her head to look at him. They’ve been walking in silence ever since they left Will’s cave. They still have three hours before the portal opens and it’s only a few miles ahead to the exit point.</p><p>“With you?” she scoffs.</p><p>“Well, that answers <em>that</em> question …” he mumbles.</p><p>“Which one?”</p><p>“You know how some people say, ‘not if you were the last man on the planet’? Well, here we are.” He gestures to the open landscape.</p><p>Jemma looks at him in disbelief. Then, to her surprise, she laughs. It comes from deep within. It’s a relief to laugh, and she keeps finding the humor in the situation, making her laugh more. Yes, she and Ward are the last people on this planet. And even though he is the only person on this planet with her, she still doesn’t want to talk to him.</p><p>He starts to laugh, too. She doesn’t know if she’s ever heard this man laugh before. He’s always so serious. Or menacing. Did he actually mean to make a joke? There are so many surprises at the end of the world.</p><p>When she stops laughing, she keeps a ghost of a smile on her face. “Thanks for that,” she says.</p><p>“You’re welcome.”</p><p>They continue in silence for a minute, until it starts to nag at her. She has always been too polite for her own good and now she feels like she should give him something back.</p><p>“There was nothing there,” she says softly. She continues looking ahead but she can feel Ward’s eyes on her. “I don’t know if he Snapped away or if It killed him.”</p><p>“You think we would have seen It by now? If It was still here?” Ward asks.</p><p>“Definitely,” she nods. “We’ve already walked through the no-fly zone.”</p><p>“The what?”</p><p>“It’s what Will called it – where It killed the others.”</p><p>“You were really scared of bringing It back,” Ward says. “Why?”</p><p>“Look around you,” she says obviously. “Look what It did to this planet. It would have done the same to Earth.”</p><p>“Malick didn’t think so.”</p><p>“Malick was a fool.”</p><p>“Then I’m glad It’s gone, too,” Ward says. She looks at him and nods in agreement. “But …” he hesitates.</p><p>“What?” she asks as his silence lingers.</p><p>“I’m sorry about Fitz,” he says quietly. “And Will.”</p><p>She stops walking and turns to him with disgust. “How dare you say that? You threatened to kill them both!”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have,” he defends, shaking his head.</p><p>“Maybe you wouldn’t have meant to. But you’re Grant Ward. All you do is hurt people in the end.” She glares at him.</p><p>“I know what it’s like to lose the person you love most in the world,” Ward says delicately. “And I’m sorry you lost both of yours in the same day. I really am.”</p><p>“You’re not capable of love,” she says matter-of-factly, turning on her heel and marching with renewed determination toward the exit point.</p><p>Ward walks a few feet behind her the rest of the way.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>“What does he mean bring them back?” Grant asks her from across the room, pulling on his pajama bottoms. Her very muscular husband sleeps shirtless and she takes a moment to admire the view.</p><p>She settles herself under the covers, exhausted from the day’s events. She talked to Coulson and May for hours but she still thinks what they said is unbelievable.</p><p>“It involves time travel,” she says through a yawn. “It sounds ridiculous.”</p><p>“Still, after all this time,” Grant says, crossing the room and pulling back the comforter to join her in bed. “It’s got to be plausible if they came back just to let us know.”</p><p>“We’ve gone through this before,” Jemma says, rolling onto her side to look at him. “Hope. And it never worked out.”</p><p>“It’s been years, though,” Grant says, running his hand down her arm. The look in his eyes tells her that he is worried. Worried about what it would mean if everyone Snapped back. If Fitz Snapped back. Or Will. Or both. </p><p>“They said it can’t undo what’s been done,” she reassures him. “It won’t change the past five years.”</p><p>“No?” he asks softly.</p><p>“And I wouldn’t want it to.”</p><p>“No?” his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.</p><p>“Never,” she says, inching closer to him.</p><p>“I love you,” he whispers.</p><p>“I love you, too.”</p><p>He pulls her in for a deep kiss and she wants to reassure him that nothing can change the past five years between them. She runs her hands through his hair, onto the back of his neck and down his back. She nudges him until he moves on top of her, though he’s careful not to knock into her belly.</p><p>His lips move along her jaw to the spot on her neck she loves. She moans softly and his hand moves between her thighs, massaging her gently.</p><p>“I love you so much,” she manages to say as her body responds to his touch. “Nothing will change that.”</p><p>“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he confesses into her ear. “You’re everything to me.”</p><p>She puts her hand on his cheek to turn his face so she can look him in the eye. “Believe me when I say this, Grant, you’re everything to me, too.”</p><p>He kisses her passionately and she slides her hands down his bare chest to yank at his pajama pants. It takes only a few soft touches to get him hard in her hands and he moans into her mouth.</p><p>He kisses down her body and she reluctantly lets go of him. He kisses her sensitive breasts through her nightgown. His teeth lightly tug on her nipple through the fabric. She looks down at him as her body floods with desire.</p><p>He makes his way down her body with his mouth, taking careful attention to tenderly kiss the place where their baby is growing, until he lifts the bottom of her nightgown. He nuzzles her through her panties and then slowly tugs them down. She pushes up her hips to make it easier for him.</p><p>He glides his tongue over her sex and she moans with pleasure. He sucks on her clit while he slips his fingers inside of her, pulsing them in and out. She arches her back, a movement that’s become much more difficult since her pregnancy but equally necessary when he has her like this.</p><p>“Grant,” she moans out.</p><p>He continues teasing her with his tongue and his fingers. She wants this man, she needs this man. He really is everything to her.</p><p>“Grant,” she moans. “Please.”</p><p>It’s slightly cold as his body moves off of her for a moment, and warm again when he enters her gently. He stills and looks into her eyes. His hand grazes her cheek and holds her chin.</p><p>“I love you,” he says again.</p><p>She wants to demand that he pick up the pace, but she knows he is vulnerable right now. “I love you – only you – forever,” she says.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>“Welcome back,” Evans says after they cross through the portal. He frowns. “You’re alone.”</p><p>“Turns out there is no life on Mars,” Ward says dryly.</p><p>Jemma plops down in a chair and takes the last remaining swig of water from her canteen. Her feet are aching. She can’t wait to lay down but she doesn’t know how she’ll ever move from this chair again.</p><p>“What now?” Evans asks.</p><p>“We should go back to headquarters. See what’s what,” Ward responds.</p><p>“I won’t go with you,” Jemma tells them.</p><p>“Nobody asked you to anyway,” Ward scoffs. She doesn’t hide the look of surprise on her face. Neither does Evans.</p><p>“We’re letting her go?” Evans asks.</p><p>“She’s served her purpose,” Ward shrugs.</p><p>“Yes, sir,” Evans says. “Let me go pack the heavier artillery and lock it up. I’ve been watching the news; it’s still pretty chaotic out there.”</p><p>“Good idea,” Ward says. “And the inhumans we had out back?”</p><p>“Still no sign of them,” Evans says uneasily. Ward gives him a nod and Evans leaves the room. Ward sits down on the other side of the room from her, the monolith stones in between them.</p><p>“So just like that, you’re letting me go?” Jemma asks him skeptically after a few minutes of silence.</p><p>“Not just like that,” Ward says. “I needed you to get back from that planet and you held up your end of the deal.”</p><p>“Where’s this HYDRA base you’re going to?”</p><p>“Why? Changing your mind already?”</p><p>“No, but I’d like to give SHIELD a target to aim at when I get back with them.”</p><p>Ward glares at her. She glares back.</p><p>“And where will you go until then?” he asks.</p><p>“Well, we’re in England. I think even you could put two and two together.”</p><p>“Sheffield,” he says quickly. “You’re going to find your family.”</p><p>“Gold star for the traitorous murderer.”</p><p>He ignores her biting comment. “Where is that?”</p><p>“About two and a half hours north of here.”</p><p>“How do you expect to get there?”</p><p>“I don’t suppose you’d loan me a car?”</p><p>Ward scoffs again. “I’d stay off the roads if I were you.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I’m sure they’ll still be blocked. I can’t imagine how many people were driving when they were Snapped away.”</p><p>Jemma considers his words. “I guess I’ll have to take a nap here then, before I go. Since I’ll be walking.”</p><p>“That’s a long way,” he says warily. He stares at her for a minute and she can see his wheels turning.</p><p>Evans walks into the room. “When will you be ready, sir?”  </p><p>“Evans, any chance we could take one of those quinjets parked outside?”</p><p>“From what I’ve assessed, they’re still not letting anyone other than the military into the air. The whole planet’s a no-fly zone right now. They’re still trying to find some of the planes that went down when it happened.”</p><p>“And how are the roads? Can we take an SUV?”</p><p>“Um, I wouldn’t advise that, sir,” Evans responds. “Too many cars to clear. We’ll have to walk but it’s not that far to London. I’m sure we can manage.”</p><p>“Change of plans,” Ward says decisively. “We’re making a detour to Sheffield.”</p><p>Jemma furrows her brow. “Why?” she asks. </p><p>“Because you can’t make it there on your own and I’m feeling charitable.”</p><p>“Sir, that’s really out of the way,” Evans points out. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Positive,” Ward says. “We leave at first light. Get some sleep.”</p><p>“There’s one thing we need to do before we leave here,” Jemma says.</p><p>“What?” Ward asks.</p><p>“We need to do something about the monolith stones. We can’t just leave them here. We can’t let anyone go back there.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>Jemma grabs Grant’s hand outside of the control room. He looks down at their hands intertwined and wrinkles his forehead. He likes to keep PDA at a minimum outside of their quarters, but he’s been keeping a lot of distance between them in the hall since they left their room. Too much distance. Now, going in to face Coulson and May after five years, she wants to reassure him that she’s not ashamed of him.</p><p>“We’ll be a united front,” she says to him with a smile. “You don’t need to be nervous, you’re the director now.”</p><p>He nods and steels himself in front of the door. “Ready?” he asks.</p><p>“As I’ll ever be,” she replies.</p><p>They walk into the room hand in hand. Coulson is sitting precisely where his old desk used to be. May is standing near the window. Davis, Piper and Evans are seated around the big conference table with a hologram of the Avengers facility displayed in the middle.</p><p>May turns, looks at them passively and nods. Jemma glances toward Coulson and his expression couldn’t be more the opposite. He looks horrified.</p><p>“Good morning, everyone,” Jemma says cheerfully. “Did you sleep well Director Coulson? Agent May?”</p><p>“Yes, thank you,” May replies for the both of them.</p><p>Ward lets go of her hand and touches the small of her back before walking toward Coulson.</p><p>“Director Coulson,” he says, reaching out his hand.</p><p>“Ward,” Coulson says coldly, not taking it.</p><p>Grant nods. “I understand,” he says diplomatically. “I wouldn’t want to shake my hand either.”</p><p>“Rosalind won’t come back if they reverse the Snap.”</p><p>“And I’m sorry for that. I truly am.”</p><p>Coulson stares him down. Jemma interrupts the stalemate.</p><p>“What is this?” she asks, nodding toward the hologram. Grant turns and they take a seat at the table next to each other. She puts her hand sympathetically on his knee under the table. The room feels tense. She doesn’t like it when it’s tense.</p><p>“We wanted to show you the machine,” May responds. “See if you have any input.”</p><p>“Stark built it?” she asks.</p><p>May nods.</p><p>“Then I doubt I’ll have anything to add.”</p><p>“Tony said he respects your opinion,” Coulson says from across the room. “Have you gotten to know him since we’ve been gone?”</p><p>“And where did you go again?” Grant asks calmly, though she knows him well enough to know he’s covertly lashing out at Coulson.</p><p>“We went on a mission for SHIELD,” Coulson responds coolly. “But this isn’t SHIELD anymore.”</p><p>“No, it’s not,” Jemma says pointedly.</p><p>“I left Mack in charge of that,” Coulson says. “What happened to him?”</p><p>“He left years ago, sir,” Jemma says. “I assume he’s still with his family but we haven’t talked in a while.”</p><p>“Did he have anything to do with that?” Coulson says, pointing to Grant.</p><p>“Of course not,” Jemma says defensively. “Mack was grateful for Grant’s contributions. Grant’s the only one who never gave up.”</p><p>Grant puts his hand on top of hers on his knee and squeezes. She knows he didn’t sleep well in anticipation of this meeting, and it’s already going as badly as they feared. But Grant earned her respect a long time ago, and she’s not going to allow Coulson to waltz in at the 11<sup>th</sup> hour and insult her husband.</p><p>“It’s Grant now, is it?” Coulson asks accusingly.</p><p>“Director Ward to you, but Grant is my <em>husband</em>,” she bites back, losing her patience. “He earned his role here and he earned me, too. It’s a shame you weren’t around to see it. We built this place from the ground up after you left, after everyone left ...” She gestures around the room, his former office. “What did you expect to find in the base you abandoned five years ago? Life moves on. The job gets done with or without you.”</p><p>The room is silent. Grant squeezes her hand again. She keeps eye contact with Coulson for a few seconds longer, then looks to May. May is as cool as she’s ever been but she gets the sense that May is impressed by her.</p><p>“As my much better half was saying, we built something new,” Grant continues. “But I hope we can all work together, that’s the spirit of SWORD.”</p><p>“Single World Observation and Response Department?” Coulson asks.</p><p>“Sentient,” Jemma corrects.</p><p>“Ah, ‘Sentient,’” Coulson says with a smile. “Sounds like someone really wanted the initials to spell out SWORD.”</p><p>“Pretty much,” Grant says with a shrug.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>Jemma steps out of the shower and wraps herself in a towel. The room is steamy and she figures she must have used every last drop of the building’s hot water while she was rinsing the desert planet off her body. She doesn’t have a balm for her blisters or even a hair brush, but it’s a long walk ahead to her hometown and she wants to feel clean before they set out. When she’s dry and dressed in fresh fatigues, she heads to the monolith chamber and finds Evans shaking Ward’s hand.</p><p>Ward looks over. “You ready?” he asks her.</p><p>“Yes,” she replies hesitantly. “Something I should know?”</p><p>“Evans is going his own way – to London.”</p><p>“I thought it wasn’t safe to travel alone?”</p><p>“I never said that,” Ward responds.</p><p>“Then why are you coming with me? Why not go with Evans to London?”</p><p>“It’s not safe for <em>you</em> to travel alone.”</p><p>Jemma scoffs at him but she knows he’s right. And a small part of her is grateful. Evans is equally the hard-bodied soldier that Ward is. He can handle himself if he comes across any unsavory characters. She might not fare as well. And she has no idea what to expect out there.</p><p>“You haven’t seen my cellphone by chance?” she asks him, conceding his point.</p><p>“They wouldn’t have brought it here,” Ward explains. “But you can use mine … as long as you don’t call SHIELD.”</p><p>She takes the phone out of his hand and digs deep in her memory for one of her parents’ cellphone numbers. She’s almost certain they let go of the landline last year, and what a pity since she memorized that number at the age of four. She dials what she hopes is her mum’s cell number and holds her breath.</p><p>There’s no dialing tone and she checks the screen to see a message: CALL FAILED. Maybe she got it wrong? She tries a variation on the same number and gets the same error. She surreptitiously tries one of the SHIELD emergency lines and it still won’t go through. Finally, though she knows it’s futile, she tries the old landline number. It still doesn’t work.</p><p>“Cell lines are down,” she says, handing Ward his phone. He and Evans had been whispering to each other while she was distracted.</p><p>“Be safe out there, sir,” Evans says. “You know how to reach me.” He gives Jemma a nod of acknowledgment.</p><p>“Thanks, Evans,” Ward says, shaking his hand.</p><p>They gather up their gear and part ways. Evans heads east and they go north.</p><p>The highway is just as Ward predicted: completely blocked by traffic. And also, one very-on-fire 747. They follow along the shoulder as far as they can, but once they reach the site of the plane crash, they have to take the long way around and end up walking through the woods. It’s fine by Jemma, it’s quieter.</p><p>There are a lot more people on the road than she expected. She figures some of them are making their way to Birmingham, or into Wales. Or perhaps they’re just trying to get as far away from London as they can. She and Ward don’t make eye contact with any of them, and once they get off the highway, they don’t see anyone else for miles. </p><p>They walk in silence. From time to time, Ward asks her if she needs to take a break. But she forces herself to keep on. She wants to make it to Birmingham before they stop. When they arrive in Stratford-upon-Avon instead, they realize they’ve veered off course. It’s already dark, so she regretfully agrees to stop.</p><p>Walking into the city center feels like returning to the land of the living. They walk past some old men sitting on a park bench, and they eye her and Ward suspiciously. She thought their military-grade fatigues would indicate to people that they were worthy of a wide berth and some respect. But when they’re chased out of a pub, they find out just how hated the military has become.</p><p>The UK has gone into martial law, and many in the armed forces have been taking advantage of their positions. She wishes someone would have noticed that she’s not exactly built like a soldier and besides that, doesn’t even have a gun – Ward isn’t dumb enough to give her one. Even though he’s helping her for the time being, she knows she would use it if given the chance.</p><p>“We need to get out of these clothes, draw less attention,” Ward says.</p><p>She agrees and they wander over to the high street. Ward finds a shop with the lights off and leads her around the back. He picks the lock and they walk right in.</p><p>It’s a tourist trap kind of place – they’re in the birthplace of Shakespeare, after all – and most of the clothes have silly puns on them that make her cringe.</p><p>“I thought we wanted to draw less attention?” she calls to Ward across the shop.</p><p>“We could wear these inside out,” he suggests. “Hurry up, I’m hungry.”</p><p>Jemma brings a few options into the changing room and decides on black sweatpants that say “Stratford-Upon-Avon” over her bum, which she is able to mostly cover with an oversized gray hoodie that has a large sketch of William Shakespeare’s head across the front. Underneath she hides a long-sleeve tee with the words “To be, or not to be” across her chest. She folds her fatigues neatly and puts them into her backpack. She looks a bit odd with the sweat pants tucked into her combat boots, but at least she looks like a civilian again.</p><p>“OK, I’m ready,” she calls to Ward. She sees him across the room, dimly lit by the streetlight. It’s a view she’s seen many times before and it affects her much the same way: a shirtless Ward tends to send a shock right to her center. He’s pulling on a long-sleeved shirt and the way his arms bend to do so makes him look even more rugged and chiseled.</p><p>Right away she sees scars and scratches he didn’t have when they were on the Bus and she was more or less his doctor. She resists the urge to scold him for not taking better care of himself. She could have prevented him from having those gnarled scars. But in the same vein, she is glad he has them as reminders of the terrible things he’s done.</p><p>When he gets the shirt on and she sees the words on the front, she can’t help but laugh. He looks over at her and grins. Why he picked the shirt that says “I put the lit in literature” with the same sketch of Shakespeare that’s on her sweatshirt, she has no idea. She shakes her head at him. He throws on a zippered hoodie and nods toward the back door.</p><p>They go past a cooler on the way out and grab a few bottles of water each. To her surprise, when they go out the back door, Ward relocks it behind them. She rolls her eyes thinking about whether his moral code excuses murder but not theft.</p><p>They walk to another part of town and go into a different pub. It’s very loud and crowded but they find an open booth near the window. As they look at their menus, she glances across the table at Ward and he catches her staring.</p><p>“What?” he asks.</p><p>“This is weird,” she says.</p><p>“What’s weird?”</p><p>“Everything,” she laughs. “But maybe the weirdest thing is being out to dinner with you.”</p><p>“Ah,” he says, turning back to his menu.</p><p>“It’s not weird for you?”</p><p>He looks up and considers her question. “This whole month’s been weird. Even before the Snap. This –” he points to the two of them sitting across the booth from each other “is the most normal thing I’ve done in a while.”</p><p>“How did you start working with Gideon Malick anyway?” It feels good to talk. They’ve been in relative silence for days and being in a pub is making her feel more relaxed. Surely he wouldn’t try to kill her in public.</p><p>“I wasn’t really working with him. I was just using him.”</p><p>“You seemed pretty cozy with him at the castle.”</p><p>“I let him get the better of me,” Ward admits, and she can tell the thought alone pisses him off. “If you think I’m manipulative, this guy was a master. He somehow convinced me I had a purpose with HYDRA. He got me to give up my true goal.”</p><p>“Which was?”</p><p>Ward eyes her suspiciously. “What’s with the 20 questions all of a sudden?”</p><p>“I’m a scientist. I’m naturally curious.”</p><p>“OK, I’ll make you a deal then,” he considers. “We’ll go one for one.” </p><p>“And what if I don’t want to answer your questions?”</p><p>“Then I won’t answer yours either,” Ward counters.</p><p>She takes a breath and considers his offer. “Deal.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>The morning meeting eased the tension between Grant and Coulson, but Jemma knows they have a long way to go before they can become allies again. There’s just too much bad blood between them. She starts to hope Coulson and May will leave soon. Let things go back to normal.</p><p>When Coulson arrived, he said she looked happy and she has been. It wasn’t easy to get there, but it’s been long enough now that it’s not a fragile happiness. She hopes the Avengers can succeed with their crazy plan. She never thought she would see her vanished family and friends again, though she still doesn’t quite understand how their plan would work.</p><p>She looks across the lab to Fitz’s old work space. She still sometimes turns to him, before she realizes all over again that he’s not there. She didn’t let anyone sit there for the longest time, but now it’s Adrianne Prescott’s spot. She likes Adrianne. Adrianne is one of those happy-go-lucky types of people that she didn’t get along with before. It usually takes a certain edge to be a secret agent.</p><p>But like many of the SWORD agents that she and Grant recruited, Adrianne never had dreams of becoming a spy. She didn’t go to any of the academies. She doesn’t even have a PhD. She was a high school chemistry teacher who lost her husband and son in the Snap. She still has their two daughters, and goes home at 5 each night to them. SWORD is much more flexible about that sort of thing.</p><p>She puts samples under her microscope and looks at them one by one, recording her observations. She’s having a hard time concentrating, though. For no reason at all, she is reminded of the pub they went to in Shakespeare’s birth place.</p><p>“What are you thinking about?” Grant whispers in her ear. He’s snuck up on her in the lab while she was lost in thought.</p><p>“Don’t use your ninja powers on me,” she laughs, swatting his arm playfully.</p><p>“Are you busy?” he asks her.</p><p>“Nothing I can’t put away for the night. It’s after 6, isn’t it?” Jemma has been known to stay late in the lab without even realizing it. Grant used to be more proactive about urging her to call it a day, but since he’s become the director he unintentionally pulls long hours too. They’re quite the pair that way.</p><p>“6:45,” he says. “Everyone else left.”</p><p>She looks around the room to see she’s alone. “Oh, dear,” she laughs. “When did that happen?”</p><p>“Must not have been too long ago. But what’s on your mind? You looked lost in thought.”</p><p>“I don’t know why, but Stratford-upon-Avon,” she says simply. Those three words make him smile.</p><p>“Which part? Our hideous outfits? Or when you jumped me in my sleep?”</p><p>“I did no such thing!” she cries defensively. “It was definitely your fault, I’m sure of it.”</p><p>“I seem to remember you rolling on top of me …”</p><p>Jemma huffs. “You said you didn’t know what happened! Were you just pretending not to know why I was screaming?”</p><p>“I was not in a place to deal with that whole … situation. I did what I had to do to get out of there alive.”</p><p>“Ugh, you are going to tell me every last detail you remember from that night. You’ve been holding out on me.”</p><p>“OK, but on the way to dinner?” he pleads. “We’re supposed to meet the realtor in less than 15 minutes.”</p><p>She groans. “Why didn’t you remind me?”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m still not used to accounting for your pregnancy brain.” He puts his hands on her hips to coax her into a better mood. “Are you good to go or do you need me to grab something from our room?”</p><p>“A jacket? Please? The green one with the gold buttons.”</p><p>“You got it, be right back,” he kisses her cheek and jogs down the hall.</p><p>She turns off her computer and puts what she needs into her purse. They probably should have canceled the dinner meeting with the realtor after what Coulson told them yesterday. There will be a lot of changes if the Avengers’ plan really works, and she’s sure Grant will want to stay put for the time being.</p><p>Grant and Jemma still live on base because they always have, though she didn’t think Grant would be able to stomach it when he first moved in. He’d been imprisoned in the vault in the basement for so long that she was surprised he even wanted to come inside the base at all. But that’s just the way Grant is. He’s resilient. He’s a man who faces his fears and conquers them easily. It’s one of the things that made her fall in love with him.</p><p>They’d been talking about moving somewhere nearby for ages, just to have more of a separation. The Davises only did so recently, when they needed to put their son in preschool. She misses them being just a few doors down, but she still feels like she sees them all the time.</p><p>“You ready?” Grant asks her from the doorway. They make their way out of the base, going back to building the life they never expected to share five years ago.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading this far! Appreciate your kudos and comments :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>The pub’s only waitress and bartender, a middle-aged woman with a warm smile, comes to their table. “Sorry about the wait. Do you know what you’ll be having?”</p><p>Ward nods at Jemma to order first. She orders fish and chips and a pint. Ward says he’ll have the same.</p><p>“You’re my easiest table of the night,” the waitress says. “It’s sweet to see a couple so in sync they’re not just wearing matching clothes, they even order the same meal!” She chuckles.</p><p>“Oh, we’re not a couple,” Jemma says quickly. Ward grabs her hand across the table.</p><p>“<em>Honey</em>,” he says. “I thought we made it official since the, uh, you know…”</p><p>“Oh, say no more,” the waitress says sympathetically. “The world has gone topsy-turvy with all this mess.”</p><p>“We’re just passing through town,” Ward explains. “Any idea where we could stay for the night?”</p><p>“Oh yes, actually! If you don’t mind a little mess.” The waitress grimaces before hastily explaining. “The owner used to live upstairs until he ... you know. You can stay up there tonight if you’d like!”</p><p>“That would be great, thank you,” Ward tells her earnestly.</p><p>“I’ll be right back with your pints!” she says warmly.</p><p>When she’s out of sight, Jemma yanks her hand back from Ward’s grasp. “Was that really necessary?” she snaps.  </p><p>“Got us a place to stay, didn’t I?”</p><p>“Yeah, a dead man’s flat,” she says with disdain. “We could have found a hotel instead.”</p><p>“With what money?” he asks her.</p><p>She sighs. “OK fine, good idea.”   </p><p>“Here you go, loves,” the waitress says, putting their pints on the table. “The kitchen’s backed up so give us a tick on the food.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Jemma says with a smile before taking a big gulp of beer.</p><p>Ward eyes her across the table. They’re silent for a few minutes before he finally speaks. “You asked me before what my goal with Malick was – it was revenge, plain and simple.”</p><p>“You didn’t think you’d gotten enough of that already?”</p><p>“Uh uh,” Ward says. “My turn.”</p><p>“Fine,” she rolls her eyes.</p><p>“What happened to you on that planet?”</p><p>She furrows her brow – where does she start? “Oh, plenty of things.”</p><p>“Such as?”</p><p>“Elaborate on your revenge and I’ll elaborate on my time on the planet.”</p><p>Ward sighs. “That’s fair. But you first. I’ve already answered a few.”</p><p>“What do you want to know?”</p><p>“What was it like?”</p><p>“Hopeless,” she says a little too quickly.</p><p>“That doesn’t sound like you.”</p><p>“I didn’t start out that way,” she sighs. “At first I was completely alone and just kept waiting for Fitz at the spot I crossed over. When the portal didn’t reopen in the same place, I set off to find water. I could have died searching for it. Luckily, I found a small pond. There was a plant-like creature in the water that I ate to survive.”</p><p>“How did it taste?”</p><p>“Disgusting,” she laughs. “And I met Will there. He had been there for 14 years. HYDRA sent him through the portal, knowing he wouldn’t make it back.” She pictures Will in her mind and can’t help but smile. “He was stubborn and moody and taciturn.”</p><p>“Kind of sounds like Fitz?” Ward teases.</p><p>“I must have a type,” Jemma considers. “But he was all I had. He told me about the monster and I didn’t believe him, until I saw It with my own eyes. Will said the planet used to be a paradise, that the monster wrecked it. And I think he was right. It was pure evil.</p><p>“We worked on a plan for months to find the next place the portal would open. It took us almost two full days of hiking and when we finally got there, Will said the landscape had completely changed because of ‘It.’ There was a cavern in between us and the portal, and when it closed I completely broke down. I became just like Will. Numb and hopeless.</p><p>“But Fitz came through, in the end. Only Will didn’t make it to the portal with me. The monster came for us. So I don’t know if It killed him or Thanos blinked him out of existence. All I know is he’s gone now.”</p><p>She realizes she didn’t made eye contact with Ward the entire time she was telling her story because when she does, she finds a look she’s never seen on him before. But before she can categorize it, it’s gone.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Jemma,” he says finally. “I’m sorry you lost him twice.”</p><p>She shrugs. What can anyone do at this point?</p><p>“Now you,” she says. “Your revenge?”</p><p>“For Kara,” he says simply. “The way she died was … so fucked up. I just wanted to make everyone pay. Coulson in particular.”</p><p>“And didn’t you?”</p><p>“Nothing was enough.”</p><p>“Why do you say it past tense? It was only a few days ago.”</p><p>“Everything’s changed in a few days,” he says, shaking his head. “Honestly, I don’t know which way is up right now.”</p><p>“Honestly?” she laughs.</p><p>“Yes, honestly,” he says, gruff and defensive.</p><p>“You expect me to believe you’re ever going to be honest with me?”</p><p>He raises his eyebrows in a challenge. “When was the last time I lied to you, Simmons?”</p><p>She eyes him quizzically across the table. She doesn’t have an answer for that. But she does have a new question. “Why are you taking me to Sheffield?”</p><p>He glares at her. “I believe it’s my turn to ask you something.”</p><p>She rolls her eyes. “Fine.”</p><p>“Who were you going to choose?”</p><p>“Choose?”</p><p>“Fitz or Will? The way you were just talking about Will, you’re obviously in love with him. But I saw you with Fitz and you were in love with him, too.”</p><p>“And now I have neither,” she glares at him.</p><p>“That doesn’t answer my question.”</p><p>“Well,” she says thoughtfully. “I don’t really have an answer to your question.”</p><p>“Yes, you do,” he presses. “Deep down, you do.”</p><p>She sighs, mulling it over. The clear answer is Fitz. It was always going to be Fitz. But if they had been able to bring Will back, she might have stayed with him out of obligation. He would have been just as alone on Earth as he was on the desert planet, and she wouldn’t have been able to resist taking care of him. Eventually though, she knows she would have found her way back to Fitz. But now? Now there’s no future to be seen with either of them.</p><p>“Fitz,” she whispers, choking back tears. “It was always going to be Fitz.”</p><p>“Everything alright?” the waitress asks, putting their fish and chips orders in front of them.</p><p>“Thank you. It’s been a rough week,” Ward says.</p><p>The waitress shoots them both another sympathetic look. She puts a hand over each of theirs. “It’ll be all right. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. The steps you take don’t have to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction.”</p><p>Jemma smiles at her. She squeezes their hands and walks off to go take another order.</p><p>“I like her,” Jemma says wistfully.</p><p>She tucks into her food, suddenly starving. Ward is way ahead of her.</p><p>They don’t speak for the rest of the meal, whatever truce they were under is broken. The waitress gives them a key to the room upstairs and Ward fishes some cash out of his pocket to pay for their meals.</p><p>They trudge up the stairs to their lodging for the night and Jemma is surprised to be horrified by the accommodation. The bartender had called the former owner “messy” but what they’ve found is a full-on hoarder situation. There are stacks and piles of things everywhere – on the floor and on every surface.</p><p>“Bloody hell!” “What the fuck?” they say at the same time.</p><p>They poke around the upstairs to see if there is perhaps another room available, but that appears to be it. The only spot that isn’t completely covered is the bed. The one bed. It looks spic and span, miraculously.</p><p>“Well I can’t exactly sleep on the floor,” Ward says as they both stare at it awkwardly.</p><p>“I’ve noticed,” Jemma says begrudgingly. She sighs. “It’s fine. I’m about to pass out anyway.”</p><p>She flops onto the double bed and lays as close to the edge of the mattress as she can, turning her back to the middle. She closes her eyes and tries to fall asleep before Ward can get back from the bathroom. She doesn’t. He slips in on the other side and she can hear him take a deep breath. For some reason, it reminds her.</p><p>“Hey,” she says, not moving. “You didn’t answer my last question.”</p><p>“Which was?” he asks curtly from the other side of the bed.</p><p>“Why <em>are</em> you taking me to Sheffield?”</p><p>He sighs. “Everything went topsy-turvy.”</p><p>She waits for him to say more but he doesn’t. “I’m not following?”</p><p>“That’s what the waitress said. The world went topsy-turvy.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“It’s a fresh start,” he says without confidence.</p><p>She wonders if he is embarrassed to admit that and here in the dark, back-to-back in this bed, she doesn’t want to crush him. If he’s looking for a fresh start, he’s in the wrong place. She can’t just wipe the slate clean of his transgressions. Maybe he means he’s trying to make up for what he’s done. But he hasn’t exactly said that. She doesn’t need to pick the brain of this psychopath and decides shrugging it off is the best course of action.</p><p>“Oh,” she finally says. “Good night.”</p><p>“Good night.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>Jemma can’t get back to sleep. There’s too much on her mind. She rolls out of bed and makes herself semi-decent so she can grab a cup of tea from the kitchen. She yawns as she walks down the hall, crossing her arms over her chest and relishing the silence of the hour.</p><p>When she arrives in the kitchen, she’s not surprised to see May there as well, dressed in work out gear and filling up a water bottle.</p><p>“Good morning,” she says.</p><p>“You’re up early,” May greets her in her dry May way. Some things never change.</p><p>“Ah well, Grant tries to be quiet but it’s kind of hard to sleep in with him.”</p><p>“Still up at 5:30 every day?”</p><p>“Like clockwork,” Jemma says with a laugh. She buries the memories of why May knows that about him. Maybe from the Bus. Or those weeks Grant and May were sleeping together. Or the whole time he was in the vault, with no windows. Anytime, anywhere, he still manages to wake up at 5:30 every morning to work out. Without fail.</p><p>“We have a second gym,” Jemma tells her as she starts the electric kettle. “It’s outside the hangar. If you want your own space ...” She figures May would rather not run into Grant in the gym.</p><p>“It’s fine,” May shrugs.</p><p>“It might be loud down there today; Grant’s training some new recruits.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t mind seeing that.”</p><p>“All right,” Jemma says with a smile. She pours a splash of milk and a small amount of sugar into her mug and waits for the water to boil.</p><p>“You did a good job, Simmons,” May says. “What you’ve built here. It’s impressive.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Jemma responds, touched. “I wish Coulson felt the same way.”</p><p>May looks at her thoughtfully. “He does. He’s just being stubborn. SHIELD was his baby; he didn’t want to leave. He thought he left it in Mack’s hands. To come back and find Ward of all people dismantled it? It stings. It will take him some time to get over it.”</p><p>“I didn’t think of it that way,” Jemma admits.</p><p>“Be patient with him,” May says. “He’ll come around.” She puts her hand on Jemma’s shoulder before she turns toward the door.</p><p>“May?”</p><p>May turns to look at her.</p><p>“It’s really good to see you,” Jemma says with a big smile and maybe watery eyes.</p><p>“You too, Simmons,” May returns a small smile but before she can turn to leave, Jemma scrunches her face. May looks at her, concerned. “What is it?”</p><p>“It’s actually Ward now, no one calls me Simmons anymore.”</p><p>“Oh,” May says and though her face barely shows an emotion, Jemma knows her well enough to know she is thrown off.</p><p>“Or you can just call me Jemma,” she compromises.</p><p>“Now <em>that</em> might be easier to get used to.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>Jemma wakes up feeling warm and comfortable. And safe. A feeling that has eluded her for a long time. She nuzzles her face into her pillow and it’s very firm. She feels the squeeze of arms around her and she wonders if Will is going to make her sleep in again.</p><p>She sits up in the bed and yelps. Will’s not here. Which means …</p><p>“What happened?” Ward asks, startling awake and pulling out his gun. He sees the look on her face and his eyes go wide. “Are you OK?”</p><p>She’s full of conflicting emotions. She’s disappointed and sad that she’s not in bed with Will. She feels like she’s betraying Fitz by feeling those emotions. Not to mention the shock and embarrassment that she was cuddling up to Ward of all people. </p><p>“Simmons, what’s going on?” he asks her, getting out of bed and checking the room. “Did you hear something?”</p><p>“No,” she says, taking a breath. “No, it’s fine.”</p><p>“You screamed; you’re not fine.”</p><p>“It’s really not a big deal.”</p><p>“Bad dream?” Ward asks, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>“I was – we were … cuddling,” she admits finally, her cheeks undoubtedly pink with embarrassment.</p><p>“Oh,” he says, relaxing and slowly putting his gun back onto the bedside table. “Sorry, I’m not sure how that happened.” He stands awkwardly next to the bed, staring down at her with an amused smile.</p><p>“No, I think it was me,” she says softly, looking away. “It’s how I …” She looks up at him, not sure she can finish her sentence. It’s how she used to sleep with Will. Memories of Will flood her mind just as tears flood her cheeks. She buries her face in her hands and lets out a sob.</p><p>She’s barely aware of Ward being in the room, but he lays his hand gently on her back and rubs circles. Thankfully, he doesn’t say a word. She realizes now she’s been holding this in for days. She must have finally reached her breaking point. She lets it out.</p><p>Eventually, she takes her hands off her face and knocks into a box of tissues on the bed. Ward is gone. How long has she been crying? Long enough to make the comforter noticeably wet beneath her. That’s OK, she can throw it in the wash before they go.</p><p>She goes to the bathroom and washes the tears and snot off her face. She looks red and splotchy but she doesn’t care. She feels better, though she’s sure those aren’t the only tears she’ll cry for Will. Or Fitz. She stops herself thinking before she can go down that road.</p><p>When she walks out into the living room, Ward has found the TV amongst the clutter and is watching a BBC report on The Snap. It is impacting everything about the modern world.</p><p>The scale of it is shocking. Half of all life on Earth, gone in an instant. The reporter says people are calling them “the Vanished.” She wonders what they will call the people left behind. Survivors?</p><p>Once she reunites with her parents, she will finally be able to ask Coulson whether the Avengers are going to fix this. After all, if they’re “vanished” then they’re not exactly dead. Their team has been able to handle crazy things like this in the past; she has no doubt Tony Stark has a plan. If he hasn’t vanished, too …</p><p>Jemma’s feet are killing her. They only hiked on Earth for one day but before that they were hiking on another planet with a totally different atmosphere. She wants to get to her family desperately, but her adrenaline is spent.</p><p>“Would you mind if we took it a little easier today?” she asks Ward. “My whole body is sore.”</p><p>He shrugs. “Sure, let’s pull out the map, make sure we stay on course today.”</p><p>They make a plan to walk to Hinckley today; Derby the next; and then finally, Sheffield. Ugh, another three days with Ward. </p><p>“Do you want to take a shower or anything before we go?” he asks her.</p><p>“Here?” she asks in disgust.</p><p>He laughs. “Yeah, me neither. Let’s go get some breakfast, sounds like they’re open downstairs.”</p><p>They head down and see the same waitress from last night. She bids them a good morning and plies them with a proper English breakfast before sending them on their way.</p><p>Back on the road by 7, they set out in silence. It’s a sunny morning but there are dark clouds looming ahead. She checks her bag when they stop for a break to see if she still has some rain gear. She has a rain poncho but that’s it. She hopes they can make it to their next destination before the storm.</p><p>When they stop for lunch, Ward asks her if she’s doing OK and she says yes even though her feet are still hurting. She hopes they can find somewhere less serial killery tonight where she can take a bath and soak her sore muscles.</p><p>They see their first fellow travelers of the day right after lunch. It’s a young couple, Ricky and Hillary, who are on their way to Liverpool. Jemma starts up a lively conversation with them but Ward barely says a word.</p><p>“And where were you when this all happened?” Hillary asks, after telling a long story about being on the tube in London during The Snap. It sounded absolutely terrifying and Jemma figures no matter where you were or who you were with, it would have been scary. Luckily Hillary and Ricky still have each other. She doesn’t want to tell them about Fitz. She can’t.</p><p>“We were on holiday in Gloucestershire,” Jemma lies easily. Ward glances at her and subtly nods in approval. “Now we’re trying to make it back to my parents’ house.”</p><p>“And where’s that?” Ricky asks.</p><p>“Sheffield,” she answers. “It’s going to take us another three days but I’m so anxious to find out if they’re OK.”</p><p>“You poor dear,” Hillary says. “I’m glad now that I rang my mum right away, before the cell service went down. At least you have each other though, eh? I can’t imagine what I would have done if Ricky had vanished.” She looks lovingly at her boyfriend.</p><p>“Oh, you two are a couple?” Ricky asked incredulously, looking between Jemma and Ward.</p><p>“Don’t be daft, Ricky, why else would they be traveling together?” Hillary says, rolling her eyes.</p><p>“Well that’s a relief,” Ricky says. “I thought maybe he’d kidnapped you.”</p><p>Jemma gives him a small smile and Grant lets out a forced laugh. Ricky wasn’t exactly wrong.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>“I can feel him!” Grant laughs.</p><p>Jemma puts her hand over Grant’s on her swollen belly. He has the biggest smile on his face and it makes her heart beat faster. He doesn’t smile enough. He’s always been so serious, and she’s one to talk because he’s said the same of her. Maybe their baby will help bring out their more playful sides. In this moment, it seems like he already has.</p><p>“Oh, I think he stopped,” Grant says, disappointed.</p><p>“It’ll happen again. We still have three more months to go.”</p><p>Grant’s still smiling wide and she steals a quick kiss.</p><p>“Careful,” Grant says with another laugh. “You know I’m easily distracted and I have to face down Coulson again today. I don’t want to be late.”</p><p>She gives him a small pout. “That reminds me,” she says. “I talked to May earlier. She’s confident Coulson will come around … eventually.”</p><p>“<em>Eventually?</em>” he asks. “Well it took you three years …” He puts his arms around her waist and gives her a hesitant look.</p><p>“It did not!” Jemma argues, giving him a quick peck. “I was a goner long before then.”</p><p>“My, my Dr. Ward, are you telling me you were able to keep a secret from me?” he teases.</p><p>She kisses him again. “Well, I had the most brilliant teacher in the ways of espionage.”</p><p>He leaves a trail of kisses up and down her neck. “It’s so hot when you talk dirty to me,” he whispers in her ear.</p><p>She laughs deeply. “You have a rather low bar for dirty talk these days, Director Ward.”</p><p>He stops kissing her and groans. “Ugh, Director Ward. That guy is such a hardass. He should play hooky once in a while.”</p><p>She sighs. “Fine, go to your meeting. I know he abandoned us for five years but you’ll never win Coulson over if you’re late.”</p><p>“You’re sure you can’t come with me?” Grant pleads.</p><p>“I’m sorry, but I have to get started on reviewing the files that Stark sent over.”</p><p>Grant gives her one last peck before letting her go. “All right,” he sighs. “Have a good day.”</p><p>“You, too,” she says, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. “Give us a shout if you need someone to save you.”</p><p>“I need someone to save me,” Grant deadpans. She smacks his arm and he grins before leaving their room.</p><p>Jemma feels their son kick again and smiles. “That’s right, little one,” she tells her bump. “That’s your dad. And it’s starting to feel like you inherited his ninja skills.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not sure if you noticed that I like to post once a day, but I will be taking a few days off for the holiday. Merry Christmas! </p><p>TW: there is an attempted sexual assault in "THEN"</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>After a day full of fascinating conversations with Hillary, they stumble upon a deserted farm house outside of Hinckley and decide their group should stop for the night together.</p><p>Jemma is pleased to find a large clawfoot tub in the upstairs master and some soaking salts in the cupboard. She draws herself a bath and feels her muscles relax little by little until the water is cold and she makes herself get out. There are some non-Shakespeare themed clothes in the closet that she happily takes and heads downstairs to see what the group has gathered for dinner. When she turns the corner from the staircase, however, she’s met by a familiar and troubling sight.</p><p>Ricky and Hillary are both tied to dining room chairs. Their mouths are gagged and Ricky has a gash over his forehead. Ward is sitting casually across the table with his gun pointed at them. </p><p>“What the hell, Ward?!” she demands.</p><p>He looks at her passively. “They were going to rob us.”</p><p>“What are you talking about?” she asks angrily, crossing the room and giving an apologetic look to the nice couple.</p><p>“When you went upstairs,” Ward explains calmly, “this one tried to knock me out.” He points to Ricky and then the blood on the back of his head.</p><p>“Oh my God,” she says, rushing to inspect Ward’s wound. “Are you all right?”</p><p>“I’ll be fine,” he shrugs.</p><p>“Good,” she says. Then she smacks him in the back of the head.</p><p>“Ow!” he yells.</p><p>“These are normal people, Ward,” she chastises. “They’re not criminal masterminds like you. What are you planning to do, torture them?”</p><p>“Unlike <em>some people</em>,” he jeers at her, “my instincts have been telling me all day not to trust them. And guess who was right?”</p><p>She narrows her eyes at him. He glares back.</p><p>“What’s the play here then, huh?” she asks. “Are you going to kill them? What happened to your ‘fresh start’?”</p><p>His eyes widen at her accusation. He suddenly looks confused. He looks at them, then back at her. He shifts the gun in his hand.</p><p>“They could have killed me,” he mumbles. “Or you.”</p><p>“Well they didn’t,” she says. “Let them go.”</p><p>“Then we’ll have to leave,” he says, exasperated.</p><p>“That’s fine,” she sighs. “We’re secret agents, we’ll figure it out.”</p><p>He gives her a look and gets out of his chair reluctantly. He crosses the room and pulls a knife from his back pocket to slash through their restraints. Hillary pulls the gag out of her mouth first.</p><p>“Don’t move,” Ward says, cocking the safety on the gun and making sure they stay in their chairs.</p><p>“I’m sorry!” Hillary cries. “I’m so sorry, Jemma! Thank you so much, thank you.”</p><p>“Shut up,” Ward says menacingly.</p><p>Ward keeps the gun pointed at them while Jemma reorganizes her backpack. Ward slings his over his shoulders and waits for her.</p><p>“It was nice to meet you,” Jemma says to them politely. “It’d be wise if you kept your distance from now on.”</p><p>And with that, she follows Ward out of the farmhouse and back on the path they were taking. It’s already dark – not ideal – and her hair is still wet. It’s cold with the sun down.</p><p>And then, of course, when they’ve barely made it half a mile down the road, it starts to pour. She takes off in a run and Ward follows suit. She tries to stay quiet but can’t keep herself from yelping. She knows they need to get far away from the farmhouse in case Ricky and Hillary really are criminal masterminds, but she is hopeful they will see a place to stop soon.</p><p>They come to the main road and there’s a delivery van on the side. Ward makes it there before her and tries all the doors until they are finally able to enter from the back. They climb over the seats into the middle of the van and both try to catch their breath.</p><p>Her new clothes are soaked through and all the comfort she took from the bath is wiped out by the night’s events. She looks over at Ward and he looks absolutely miserable. For some reason, the sight makes her burst into laughter. Ward looks at her confused, but apparently her laughter is contagious and he joins her.</p><p>“Our day certainly took a turn, didn’t it?” she laughs.</p><p>“You should have let me kill them, then we’d still be dry,” he teases.</p><p>His statement sobers her and she no longer feels amused by the situation. “Would you really have killed them?” she asks.</p><p>He shrugs.</p><p>“Well I’m glad you didn’t,” she says earnestly. “It looked like tying them up was enough to set them straight.”</p><p>“You need to be more careful.”</p><p>“When did this become my fault?” she asks, rolling her eyes.</p><p>“You were gabbing with the woman all day. You had no idea what those people were about. We should have just steered clear of them.”</p><p>“I got useful information from her,” Jemma defends herself. “But besides that – excuse me for being a human! We can’t all be bloody robots like you.”</p><p>“The world has changed, Jemma,” Ward counters. “You can’t pretend everything is sunshine and rainbows anymore. Other people are dangerous right now.”</p><p>“And you’re not?” Jemma scoffs.</p><p>“I’m not going to hurt you,” he says softly.</p><p>She laughs mockingly. “Less than a week ago, you did. You <em>tortured</em> me.”</p><p>“It wasn’t personal,” he counters. “They had my brother and I was trying to break Fitz.”</p><p>Jemma is taken aback. “What do you mean ‘they’ had your brother?”</p><p>“Coulson,” Ward replies coldly. “He kidnapped my brother and he was goading me. And I still don’t know what happened to Thomas. Coulson might have killed him for all I know.”</p><p>Jemma scoffs at that. “Yeah, right. Coulson? He would never.”</p><p>“I killed his girlfriend.”</p><p>“He’s not a monster like …” Jemma doesn’t want to finish her sentence with “you.” She doesn’t want to antagonize Ward while she is in the middle of nowhere with him, alone, in a storm.</p><p>He stares at her. They both know what she was going to say.</p><p>“Like I said, I want a fresh start,” he mumbles. “I’m going to find Thomas and make things right.”</p><p>“So that’s why you’re taking me to Sheffield?” she asks angrily, piecing things together. “You’re going to trade my family for yours?”</p><p>“What?” Ward asks, confused.</p><p>“You’re going to take me to my family home and then you’re going to threaten them so I’ll get Coulson to tell us where Thomas is. Am I right?”</p><p>“No!” Ward says angrily. “I wouldn’t do that!”</p><p>“Oh, spare me!” Jemma replies just as angrily. “If that’s not what you’re up to then I am sure it’s something even more horrible than my brain could comprehend.”</p><p>“It’s not like that,” Ward says, almost pleadingly. “I would never –”</p><p>“Go to hell, Ward,” she says, reaching for the handle of the sliding door. “And <em>don’t</em> follow me.” She keeps an eye on him as she opens the door and backs out slowly. He looks at her desperately.</p><p>“Jemma, no, you can’t go out there in the storm.”</p><p>“Don’t. Follow. Me.” She slides the door shut and takes off down the road. She doesn’t look back but she doesn’t hear him following her. She’s got a decent head start but she reminds herself that this is Grant Ward.</p><p>She can only hope he gives up and makes his way back to London, though Hillary told her some awful things about what was going on there. With the prime minister and key members of Parliament among the Vanished, it sounds like martial law is the only thing keeping the country together. But it also sounded more brutal in London than what she has seen in the rest of the country. People aren’t allowed to leave their homes without permission. Census workers are going door to door trying to figure out who was left behind, and the process is going to take months.</p><p>She keeps running until she finds another car. Luckily, the door is open and she climbs into the driver’s side easily. The keys are still in the ignition and she starts it up. She takes off down the country road and hopes she won’t run into a traffic jam like they’d seen in more populated areas of the countryside.</p><p>She takes a turn into the center of town and figures it will be easier to avoid Ward or the couple they were traveling with if she is around more people. After she parallel parks on the high street, she realizes she doesn’t have any money. She won’t be able to rent a room or buy any food. Damn Ward for keeping all the cash in his pack.</p><p>She checks around the car and counts her lucky stars that someone left a purse behind in the backseat. Digging through the bag, she sees what was left behind from this vanished person and it makes her heart ache. The wallet has a family portrait on the inside. It’s a family of four: wife, husband and two sons. Her hands start to shake as she checks for cash. There’s 40 quid inside, enough for a meal at least. She thinks about trying the credit cards but she’s not sure if those work anymore. She puts the wallet in the glove compartment and gets out of the car. </p><p>She goes into the nearest pub and hopes for the same luck they had last night. She sits down at the bar and looks at the menu hesitantly. The place isn’t packed but it seems like everyone here is a regular. The bartender confirms her suspicions.</p><p>“You’re not from around here, are you?” he asks her in a friendly way.</p><p>“No,” she admits sheepishly, nervously playing with her wet hair.</p><p>“What can I get you?” he asks.</p><p>She considers whether an alcoholic drink is a good idea. She needs to keep her wits about her, but it’s also the apocalypse and if she ever deserved a drink, it would be now. “Can I get a white wine, please?”</p><p>“House white OK?” the bartender asks. She nods. “Coming right up.”</p><p>He pours her wine almost to the top of the glass and winks at her. She smiles back. She is going to have to give him a big tip.</p><p>“Where are you from?” the man sitting two barstools down from her asks as she takes a sip.</p><p>“Sheffield,” she says warmly.</p><p>“Oh!” his friend who is sitting next to him says enthusiastically. “Steel City!”</p><p>“That’s the one,” she says with a laugh. “I’ve taken you’ve been there?”</p><p>“A few times, but it was a while ago,” he says.</p><p>“What’s your name?” the other guy asks.</p><p>“Jemma,” she says.</p><p>“Well I’m Jack and this is also Jack.” They both smile at her. “Nice to meet you.”</p><p>She has a pleasant dinner talking with the bartender, Jack and Jack. She wasn’t going to drink any more wine after the giant first glass but the Jacks insisted on buying her drinks as the night wore on. When they find out she doesn’t have anywhere to stay, they also insist she go to one of their vanished friend’s flats and she is tipsy enough that she finds herself walking home with them in the cold night.</p><p>“All right there, Jemma?” one of the Jacks asks. “You’re shivering.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m fine,” she slurs.</p><p>“You’re definitely shivering,” the other Jack says. He puts his arm around her shoulder. “Here I’ll warm you up.”</p><p>“Thank you,” she says nervously, not sure if the physical contact is necessary. It’s certainly not wanted on her part. But the Jacks have been kind to her all night and they are offering her a place to stay so she feels inclined to go along with it.</p><p>“Through here,” Jack says. The other Jack steers her into an alleyway. She looks around. There aren’t any doors, so she doesn’t understand how they could be entering a flat from this alley. In the moment between when she makes that realization and when Jack throws her up against the wall, she puts two and two together: these men aren’t taking her to a friend’s flat.  </p><p>Jack looks at her hungrily and she knows what is coming next so she knees him in the balls before he can come any closer. Then she uses her palm to strike him in the nose. He curses and falls back, and she’s able to run out of the alley and straight into … Grant Ward.</p><p>“C’mon!” he says. He takes her by the hand and they’re running down the road. One of the Jacks is shouting something and she’s glad her heart is beating so fast that she can’t hear him. Ward pulls her into the delivery van and peels out of his parking space. They drive out of the city in silence, heading north.</p><p>Ward glances over at her. “Are you OK?”</p><p>“Were you following me?” she accuses him.</p><p>“Of course I was!” Ward says angrily. “You’re lucky I was.”</p><p>“Oh please!” she scoffs. “If you didn’t notice, I took care of myself back there.”</p><p>“I did notice,” Ward says, and he pulls the car onto the side of the road. “Still, are you OK?” he asks as he stops.</p><p>She gives him a look like he is a crazy stalker. “How did you find me?”</p><p>“Jemma, you’re avoiding the question,” he chastises her.</p><p>“Which is?”</p><p>“Are you OK?” he asks again softly.</p><p>“Of course I’m not bloody OK!” she shouts at him. She stares him down and he stares sympathetically back. “Stop looking at me like that!” she tells him.</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Like you care!”</p><p>“I do care,” he says softly.</p><p>“You tried to kill me!” she shouts at him.</p><p>“I did,” he admits.</p><p>“You lied to me; betrayed our team!”</p><p>He nods.</p><p>“You put Daisy through the wringer, that’s for sure.”</p><p>“I did,” he agrees.  </p><p>“You kidnapped Bobbi; tried to kill her ­– or Hunter.” Her eyes have been welling up but the tears are only starting to flow now.</p><p>He nods.</p><p>“You <em>did</em> kill Coulson’s girlfriend.”</p><p>He nods again.</p><p>“You kidnapped me! You tortured me!” she sobs.</p><p>“I did,” he says softly.</p><p>“You can’t possibly think I’d believe that you care about me,” she says, snot now running down her face. She wipes her face with her sleeve.</p><p>He’s been looking at her absolutely contrite. She waits for him to say something but he appears to be at a loss for words. There’s something about the way that he is looking at her that seems sincere, but she’s been fooled by him before.</p><p>“Thank you for following me,” she whispers, breaking the silence. She succumbs to her tears and turns away from him, looking out the window. He starts up the van and puts the car in drive.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>Jemma settles into her work station with a cup of tea. She opens the files Stark sent over and tries to make sense of his disorganized chaos.</p><p>She met Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, four years ago through Dr. Bruce Banner, aka the Hulk. She hadn’t expected Dr. Banner to respond to her when she reached out to him, but what they were both working on at the time was so closely aligned that it was almost imperative that they compare notes. </p><p>She was impressed with Dr. Banner and he by her. They only met one time, and this was before he figured out how to merge himself with the Hulk. He was perfectly nice and when she mentioned something about Fitz’s work on robotics, he insisted she meet with Stark at least once.</p><p>She was delighted to become acquainted with the Avengers and has worked with them from time to time ever since. They gave SWORD their blessing and even helped Grant connect with governmental leaders to ensure autonomy. They haven’t exactly been in touch lately, though. She had no idea they were still working on bringing everyone back, though she’s not surprised in the least. Everyone lost someone. Hell, Clint Barton lost everyone.</p><p>“A Mobius strip, huh Tony?” she mumbles to herself. “Let’s see if the maths are right …”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>They drive for a half hour and they’re outside of Derby before they run into gridlock again. Ward can’t get the van around a six-car pileup and he stops the car.</p><p>He sighs. “Well, looks like we shaved a day off our travel time.”</p><p>“Thank you,” she says again. Thank you doesn’t seem like enough but then again, the scales haven’t even begun to be even. He should be grateful she thanked him at all.</p><p>“We’re in the middle of nowhere again,” he says. “I think we should sleep in this van.”</p><p>She nods. She looks around and seeing no surface in the van that looks remotely comfortable, pops her chair back as far as it can go so she can lay close to flat. Ward climbs into the back and stretches himself over a bench seat. He’s too tall to fit comfortably on it and she starts to feel sympathy back pain for him.</p><p>“Good night,” she says.</p><p>“Good night.”</p><p>…</p><p>Jemma wakes with the sun and she desperately needs to pee. She pops a squat out of view of the van and hears the door open and Ward calling her name.</p><p>“Give me a bloody minute,” she whispers before standing up and pulling up her trousers. “I’m here!” she calls as she gets back into sight of the van.</p><p>“Oh OK,” Ward says, looking relieved.</p><p>He jumps out and starts to do a workout routine: push-ups, sit-ups and some other things that look really fun to do at dawn. She climbs on top of the van in the meantime and looks out at the horizon. They definitely won’t be able to drive any farther. She checks the nearby cars for personal belongings and finds a bottle of water and some more cash, which she pockets.</p><p>She spots a diaper bag in the backseat of an SUV and pulls it out. She opens it and finds some kids’ snacks, which will work fine for breakfast. She goes to throw the diaper bag back into the car when she spots blood all over the car seat. She must have screamed because Ward comes running over.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” he asks.</p><p>She points to the backseat and drops the snacks, running back to the delivery van. She downs as much of the water as she can and brings to mind the image of the music box she had as a child. She closes her eyes and pictures herself holding it. She pictures herself taking the image of the bloodied car seat and putting it into the music box with the other things she doesn't like to think about. Immediately, she feels better.</p><p>Ward joins her at the delivery van and asks her delicately, “are you ready to go?”</p><p>She nods and follows him down the side of the highway.</p><p>They don’t speak until they get into the heart of Derby. She came here occasionally as a child but it looks about the same as the other towns they’ve been passing through. Ward asks her if she wants something to eat and they go into a crowded coffee shop for some breakfast.</p><p>They wait for their food and sip their hot drinks; she has a tea and Ward, a black coffee. Some of the people around her actually look happy, but most look harrowed. She knows what group she falls into.</p><p>There’s a news report on the TV about rioting and looting around the world. She pays particular attention to what’s going on in Washington, D.C. She considers for the first time that it would be extraordinarily difficult for her to make it back to the Playground on her own – she’s not on the right continent. She considers where her loyalties lie. She’s spent a considerable amount of time in the United States since joining SHIELD. Maybe it’s time for her to stay at home with her family.</p><p>She’s almost forgotten that Ward is with her. He’s so often silent; it’s like he’s a body guard instead of a traveling companion. She tries to make sense of the chaotic events from last night: a farmhouse, a field in a rainstorm, a pub, an alley and a delivery van. Intermixed are some confusing discussions she’s had with Ward. She wants to clear the air.</p><p>“I might listen to you now,” she says quietly, clutching her tea. “If you want to tell me about your brother.”</p><p>Ward’s whole body tenses. He eyes her warily and she tries to make her face look impassive and nonjudgmental.</p><p>“Coulson kidnapped him to get to me,” he says. “I hadn’t seen him in years. Apparently he was hiding from me.”</p><p>“And that’s why you tortured me?”</p><p>He swallows and his eyes get wide. She knows he is looking for a way to rationalize it and the true test of whether he is capable of a fresh start lies in his answer.</p><p>“I was furious, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry, Jemma.” He looks at her earnestly. He seems to be remorseful and she wonders if she’s ever actually heard him apologize versus make excuses for what he’s done.</p><p>“I don’t know if I can forgive you,” she responds. “For any of it. Ever.”</p><p>He nods. “That’s why I wanted to take you to Sheffield,” he says.</p><p>“To make amends?”</p><p>“To try,” he shrugs. “My brother said some things that rattled me. He made me question myself, my motives. But then Gideon Malick was there and he promised me salvation …” He looks wistful, contemplative. She tries to see things from his perspective but the list of things he’s rationalized is too long and too painful.</p><p>“And what happens when you go back to HYDRA?” she asks.</p><p>“I’m not going back,” he says matter-of-factly, taking a sip of his coffee.</p><p>“But your friend – you said you would meet up with him in London.”</p><p>“I barely knew him,” he says, shaking his head. “I was still in denial. When we got back from that planet, I started to accept that everything had changed. I knew I could make a different choice.” He turns his mouth into a small smile and it unsettles her. She isn’t buying his “changed man” act for a second.</p><p>“What are you going to do once we get to Sheffield?” she asks.</p><p>“I’ll go to Liverpool from there, maybe try to get on a ship if the airports are still closed.”</p><p>“And go where?”</p><p>“Back home, back to the United States.”</p><p>“How are you going to find your brother?”</p><p>“I’m not sure,” he shrugs. “I know he doesn’t want me to find him, which might be the clue I needed all along.”</p><p>“And what if he still doesn’t want to see you? After you killed the rest of the family?”</p><p>His body is tense again. “I just want to know that he’s OK. He’s all I’ve got.”</p><p>Jemma nods. She understands that part of Ward’s rationale at least. All she wants to know is where her family is; if they’re still here or if they’ve vanished like Fitz.</p><p>“Egg sandwich?” the barista asks, walking up to their table with a tray.</p><p>They’re silent again as they eat.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>“Ready for lunch?” Grant asks Jemma, dropping into the chair next to her desk.</p><p>“Is it that time already?” she asks, looking up from her spreadsheet.</p><p>“Yes, and it’s Wednesday,” he says with a cheer. </p><p>She grins. She’s been going to lunch off base with Grant every Wednesday since before they started dating. Not every Wednesday, but they’ve only skipped it when they’ve had good reasons.</p><p>“What are we craving today?” he asks, pointing to her belly.</p><p>“Hmm,” she says, giving it a rub as if for luck. “Baby says a healthy salad and maybe a smoothie.”</p><p>“Your cravings are no fun,” he teases.</p><p>“How did it go this morning?” she asks, hopeful.</p><p>Grant’s expression changes and he shakes his head in a concerning way.</p><p>“That bad?”</p><p>“I just kept reminding myself what May told you: he’ll come around <em>eventually</em>.”</p><p>“Eventually,” she says, scrunching her nose. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s OK,” he says, “it’s Wednesday!”</p><p>She laughs. “Help me out of my chair?”</p><p>“Oh no, do we have another situation?” he teases, remembering the day a few weeks ago when she got stuck in a couch that was much too plush.</p><p>“Give me another month and we might have to find a chair that can lift me out.”</p><p>Grant laughs deeply as he helps her up. “You sure you don’t want like a burger or tacos … or something?”</p><p>“Stop trying to fatten me up,” she says as she swats his arm.</p><p>They grin at each other stupidly and hold hands as they walk out of the base.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>They get lucky and are able to shave off some miles by car again. But as they get closer to Sheffield, they run into a significant problem. There is a bridge over a shallow river and somehow, it’s been destroyed. They look up and down the banks for another place to cross but there doesn’t appear to be a way to the other side without climbing down about 150 feet and back up again across the river.</p><p>“I’d feel better if we had rope,” Ward says with a frown.</p><p>“It’s not that big of a drop,” Jemma says, looking down. “And it looks like we can walk along here and be totally fine.” She points to a beaten path in the dirt.</p><p>“I don’t like it. It’s risky. If we get hurt, no one will find us. It’d be better if we keep walking until we find another way across.”</p><p>“Ward, please,” Jemma says, slightly begging. “I can <em>see</em> Sheffield! My parents’ house is only a few more miles down the road. I just want to get home.”</p><p>He gives her a look but he softens and agrees. “I’ll go first.”</p><p>He eases himself down the rocky slope, balancing on the thin path down to the bank of the river. He turns around and nods for her to follow. She takes three steps and immediately slips, falling onto her bum.</p><p>“Careful!” Ward calls up. “Are you OK?”</p><p>“Yes, just embarrassed,” she laughs.</p><p>She joins him on the riverbank. It looked more shallow from the top. They’re going to get soaking wet going across and she’s not excited about that. But once they get across, she’ll be that much closer to home. She takes a deep breath and trudges into the water. Ward scrambles to catch up to her.</p><p>The current isn’t too bad and she keeps moving forward. When she’s waist deep, she considers swimming the rest of the way, but she knows her backpack will weigh her down. Ward has a lot of height on her and he gets to the other side without being wet above his hips. Jemma is soaking. She starts to shiver and grimaces at him.</p><p>“Don’t look at me, this was your idea,” he laughs.</p><p>She glares at him. “C’mon.”</p><p>The other side of the river doesn’t have as clear of a pathway to get to the top, so she imagines herself as a mountain climber and somewhat crawls up the slope. Ward is below her and she’s almost at the top when she hears him slip and tumble down to the bottom.</p><p>“Fuck!”</p><p>“Are you all right?” she calls down to him. She hears him start to stand up.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll be ... fuck!”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“My ankle,” he groans. “I think I twisted it.”</p><p>“Fuck,” she echoes. She’s almost at the top and isn’t sure she can get back down there easily. “Do you think you can climb up here or do I need to help you?”</p><p>“Go on ahead, I’ll figure it out,” he calls up.</p><p>She continues to climb. “I almost forgot, you’re <em>Grant Ward</em>,” she mutters sarcastically.</p><p>“I heard that,” he says dryly.</p><p>When she gets to the top, she can just make out the top of the city’s tallest building through the woods in front of her. “Almost home,” she whispers to herself.</p><p>She turns around to see Ward’s progress. He’s grimacing as he slowly pulls himself up the incline.</p><p>“Should’ve gotten a rope,” she calls down.</p><p>“Told you so,” he grunts. “Go find us a car. I won’t be able to walk the rest of the way.”</p><p>“You don’t want me to see you struggling?” she teases. He gives her a look and she holds up her hands. “All right, be careful. Shout if you need me.”</p><p>She comes back about 10 minutes later with an SUV and finds Ward laying on the ground at the top of the incline, clutching his ankle in pain.</p><p>“This isn’t like you,” she observes.</p><p>“It feels like it’s broken, doc.”</p><p>“Let me take a look.” Dr. Simmons examines the patient and concludes it’s a sprain. She helps him into the backseat so he can keep his leg elevated. She gets back on the road and hightails it to her parents’ house. Ward’s ankle can wait.</p><p>…</p><p>The Simmons family home would more accurately be described as a manor, sitting on a 10 acre lot on the border of the Peak District State Park. As such, the roads are clear to their destination and they pull into the driveway soon after leaving the bridge.</p><p>Ward whistles as they pull up to the front door. “I didn’t know we were cut from the same cloth, Simmons.”</p><p>“And yet only one of us became a murderer.”</p><p>Ward fake coughs and mutters, “Bakshi.”</p><p>She turns in her seat and glares at him. “You’re ruining my moment. I’m going to go in and find my parents. I’ll be back out when I’m ready to take you to a hospital.”</p><p>Ward’s eyes widen. “Can’t you treat me here?”</p><p>“Have a lot of enemies in Sheffield, do you?”</p><p>“I’m looking at the one.”</p><p>She glares at him again. “Just stay here for now and don’t move. You’re not allowed anywhere near my parents.” She gets out of the car and locks it behind her for good measure.</p><p>She takes a deep breath as she approaches the front door. A voice in the back of her head tells her that if her parents were here, they would have come out to greet her. But it’s a big house, they can’t be sitting at the window all the time waiting for her to come home.</p><p>She tries the knob but the door is locked. She rings the bell and waits. Nobody comes. She knocks on the door furiously. No answer. Turns out they still keep a key under the mat, so she unlocks the door and walks in.</p><p>“Mum!” she calls as she walks through the foyer. “Dad!”</p><p>She checks the kitchen first. There’s a cold cup of tea on the counter. She ignores the ominous sign and checks the other rooms one by one.</p><p>She remembers as a young girl, finding so much to explore in this house. It’s been in her mum’s family for generations and the history of it fascinates her. She was always hoping to find a secret passage somewhere, or a hidden room. Now, it feels cold and empty and lifeless.</p><p>Her dad’s cellphone is charging on the night stand in their bedroom. She finds a toothbrush on their bathroom floor with dried toothpaste on the brush. The evidence is obvious to her: her mum was making a cup of tea and her dad was brushing his teeth. Then poof! They were gone.</p><p><em>They’re gone. They’re all gone. Fitz. Will. Mum. Dad.</em> She doesn’t know where SHIELD has been either. She’s all alone.</p><p>The loss surrounds her like a dark cloud and she collapses onto the bathroom floor, sobbing. If it was only half of the universe, why is it that she lost everyone she loves? She wishes again that she had vanished, too. She’s been left behind to mourn them. Alone.</p><p>If any one of them were alive, she’d know what to do. She and Fitz could have settled in Perthshire. She and Will could have gone to find his family. If either of her parents were here, she’d stay at their home until the dust settled. As it is now, she doesn’t know what to do with herself. <em>Where does she go from here?</em></p><p>When she’s ready to stand up again, she remembers that Grant Ward is still outside with a sprained ankle. She’s reminded of what he said when they went looking for Will. It feels almost like Ward is the last man on the planet, but she <em>is</em> going to talk to him this time. She must be really desperate.</p><p>Before she goes back out to the car, she tries a SHIELD emergency line on her dad’s cellphone. CALL FAILED. It was worth a shot.</p><p>She goes to the kitchen to try the old landline, and is surprised to hear a dial tone. She dials the SHIELD emergency line and almost cries when she hears it ring. She leaves a message with the code about the nice weather they are having and scrambles to figure out her coordinates and enter them before the message time limit is up.</p><p>She walks back outside and gets in the SUV.</p><p>“So?” Ward asks her.</p><p>She turns in her seat and shakes her head. “But I have somewhere else we can try.”</p><p>“You’re not dropping me off at the hospital, are you?” he grimaces.</p><p>“I’ve decided not to let you out of my sight. I’m not going to unleash Grant Ward on my hometown.”</p><p>“So I’m your prisoner now?” he looks at her skeptically.</p><p>“More like your chaperone,” she says. She turns back toward the steering wheel and puts the car in drive.</p><p>She takes them to her aunt’s house a few miles away. She parks the car at the end of the driveway and instructs Ward to stay put again. When she walks up to the door, her Aunt Lily runs out immediately and pulls her into a hug.</p><p>“Oh Jemma!” she cries. “Oh, I was worried sick about you.”</p><p>“Aunt Lily,” she smiles. “I had no idea.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>Fully stuffed from lunch, she and Grant walk back to the lab laughing about their waitress’s inability to get anything right about their orders. As Jemma finishes her impersonation of the woman – Grant laughing more at how very bad Jemma’s impression is – she almost runs into Coulson coming out of the lab.</p><p>“Oh,” he says. “There you are.”</p><p>She and Grant are smiling too widely to stop, still giddy from spending time alone off base. Coulson looks back and forth between them, momentarily at a loss for words.</p><p>“We went to lunch,” she explains. “Is there something I can help you with?”</p><p>“Yeah, sorry,” he says, gathering his thoughts. “Stark said he sent over some new renderings. I thought we could take a look together.”</p><p>“Sure!” she says a little too enthusiastically.</p><p>Grant looks between the two of them. “I’ll leave you to it.” He gives Jemma a quick kiss on the forehead before he goes back to the control room.</p><p>Jemma leads Coulson to her work station. She pulls up the email from Tony Stark. She can feel Coulson staring at her.</p><p>“What is it?” she asks him.</p><p>“Nothing,” he says shaking his head. “It’s just … you really are happy, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Yes,” she says with a smile. “I really am.”</p><p>“Good. I’m sorry that I found that so hard to believe.”</p><p>“Sir, it’s been five years. People change.”</p><p>“I didn’t think they could change <em>that</em> much,” he laughs. </p><p>“I was more surprised than you, believe me.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>Aunt Lily confirmed what Jemma already knew – her parents vanished in the Snap. After tea, biscuits and another good cry, she goes back to the car to take care of Ward.</p><p>“What took you so long?” he asks, clearly irritated, when she opens the door.</p><p>“Oh excuse me for prioritizing my family over a man who tortured me,” she says sarcastically.</p><p>“Did you find your parents?” he asks.</p><p>She sighs. “No. They’re gone.”</p><p>He’s quiet while she reverses out of the driveway and back onto the road.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he finally says.</p><p>“You’ve been saying that a lot lately,” she observes. “How’s your ankle?”</p><p>“Still terrible.”</p><p>“Now <em>I’m</em> sorry, I should have gotten you a pain killer or something,” she admits, wincing. “I’m taking you back to my parents’ house. I can wrap it for you there.”</p><p>…</p><p>A week later, Jemma still hasn’t heard back from SHIELD. She wonders if they’re even checking the emergency line anymore. She would try to send emails, but Internet service has been down as well.</p><p>She and Ward have been staying at her parents’ house and have fallen into a routine: breakfast on the sun porch; an hour or two or three of BBC News; after lunch, Jemma goes to her aunt’s house and spends time with her family, getting her parents’ affairs in order; dinner; more BBC News and sometimes a competitive game of Scrabble. She bought Ward crutches so he can get around the house and keep off his ankle. He seems to be following her instructions to take it easy.</p><p>It’s refreshing, actually. Jemma doesn’t remember a time she’d truly taken a vacation. She was always studying over breaks while she was in school and once she joined SHIELD, she was horrible about taking time off. She imagines Ward feels the same, but their routine doesn’t include a lot of time chatting.</p><p>On the ninth day, the landline rings. She sprints across the house to answer it.</p><p>“Hello?” she asks, hopeful it’s Coulson.</p><p>“Jemma?” she hears a deep voice answer.</p><p>“Mack?” she gasps.</p><p>“How are you? Last I heard, HYDRA had you.”</p><p>“They did! They let me go! I’m at my parents house now.”</p><p>“Oh thank goodness. And Fitz?”</p><p>She can’t bring herself to say the words.</p><p>“Oh,” Mack says, disappointed. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“What happened to the team?” she asks.</p><p>“A lot,” Mack says. “I’ll have to tell you in person.”</p><p>“I don’t know how to get there, Mack,” she says. “I’m on another continent.”</p><p>“They’re supposed to open up the airspace for international flights tomorrow,” Mack says. “I’ll send a quinjet for you as soon as I can.”</p><p>“Thank you,” she says.</p><p>“I’m glad you’re OK.”</p><p>“Mack?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“It’s good to hear your voice.”</p><p>“Yours, too. I’m sorry about Fitz.”</p><p>“There’s something else,” she hesitates. “I’m not alone.”</p><p>“What do you mean? You’re with your parents, right?”</p><p>“No. I’m with … Ward.”</p><p>He’s silent for a moment. “Not <em>Grant</em> Ward?” he asks.</p><p>“Yes, one in the same,” she admits. “He helped me get to Sheffield. But he’s injured. Should I bring him in with me?”</p><p>“I’ll send a tactical team in the quinjet,” Mack says with urgency.</p><p>“He says he wants to find his brother.”</p><p>“Coulson had just let his brother go when it happened.”</p><p>“Is he alive?”</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>“OK. I’ll see you soon, Mack.”</p><p>“Take care of yourself, Jemma.”</p><p>Hanging up the phone, all she can feel is dread. Mack wouldn’t give her specifics, which makes her assume the details are bad. Very bad. How many people did they lose? She turns around and Ward is standing in the doorway.</p><p>“So?” he asks.</p><p>“They’re sending a quinjet for me,” she blurts out.</p><p>“Oh,” he says, his expressional unreadable. “How’s your team?”</p><p>“I don’t know yet,” she admits. “I asked about Thomas.”</p><p>“Yeah?” He’s surprised and looks hopeful.</p><p>“Mack didn’t know where he was. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Ward frowns and nods his head. “How long till they get here?”</p><p>“A couple of days, I think,” she says.</p><p>“I’ll get going in the morning then.” He turns and hobbles out of the room.</p><p>“Ward,” she says impulsively, stopping him. He turns around slowly on his crutches. She hesitates, not sure why she’s about to say these words but feeling compelled to say them anyway: “You could come with me. I’m sure you’d find Thomas a lot faster if you did.”</p><p>“Is this about keeping an eye on me?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow. “I’d be crazy to go with you. They’ll put me back in a cage. You have to know that.”</p><p>“The world’s changed, Ward,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “I’ll tell them that you helped me. I’ll make sure they let you go.”</p><p>He eyes her suspiciously. “Why would you do that?”</p><p>She looks around, not sure of the answer. “I don’t know,” she finally says with a laugh. “You haven’t tried to kill me since it happened, maybe?”</p><p>“Shake on it,” he says quickly. He sticks out his hand. “Promise you won’t let them lock me up.”</p><p>She looks at his hand warily. She hasn’t had enough time to think through a plan, but she thinks the world would be safer if Ward came back to the Playground with her. She doesn’t know if anyone’s left to lock him up. But she knows he’s been focused on finding Thomas, and if there’s one thing she still knows about Ward – he’s obsessive when he has a goal.</p><p>She lifts her arm but hesitates. “Promise me you’ve stopped looking for revenge. That you’re only looking for Thomas.”</p><p>He nods. She grabs his hand and shakes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>“I knew you’d see something,” Tony Stark says over the speakerphone. “Friday, run the simulation again with Dr. Ward’s input.”</p><p>Coulson and Jemma exchange encouraged looks. Jemma didn’t honestly think she would see something that Iron Man wouldn’t, but turns out he had a few miscalculations in his latest model for the quantum realm device. She refuses to call it time travel anymore, now that she finally understands how it works.</p><p>“It’s a go,” Stark says over the line. “Thanks agents. I’ll keep you posted.”</p><p>“Please do,” Coulson says. “We’ll have to know the exact moment you do it so we can be in position and do our part.” Jemma nods in agreement and Stark hangs up.</p><p>Grant and Coulson have been going over the active missions from both HYDRA and SHIELD on the day of the Snap. It’s a logistical nightmare, but they plan to send teams to each site in case the Avengers succeed in bringing everyone back. The consensus is that the Vanished will reappear in the same place they disappeared. It’s anyone’s guess whether they’ll know it’s been five years since they’ve gone.</p><p>Jemma and Grant have been in a heated debate for days over whether she should go to Glouctershire with him. Grant is understandably worried about her being in the field at 7 months pregnant. Especially when it would put her in the middle of a full-scale operation involving about 50 returning – and not yet reformed – HYDRA soldiers, a few highly dangerous inhumans and worst of all, Gideon Malick.</p><p>But then there’s Fitz.</p><p>That’s a whole other part of the debate. Jemma knows it’s not a small part of Grant that worries she will leave him for Fitz if he returns. After all, Grant was there that day and saw her devastation at losing her best friend. She’s not quite sure how her heart will react either, but there is one thing she knows for sure: she loves Grant.</p><p><em>He’s</em> her husband. <em>He’s</em> the father of her child. Sure, things would have gone very differently if Thanos had never collected the Infinity Stones. But he <em>did</em>. She was being honest when she told Grant that she wouldn’t want the past five years to be undone. She’s grown so much since then. She’s gotten stronger. She <em>wants</em> her life with Grant and their son. It gives her a headache to think about the chaos of all the Vanished coming back into their lives. She’ll need Grant by her side to get through it.</p><p>“Where are you planning to go?” Jemma asks Coulson.</p><p>“Ward and I are still doing our risk assessment. I can’t decide – there was a lot going on that day and a lot of it was bad.”</p><p>“Do you think this plan will work?” she asks.</p><p>Coulson shrugs. “I don’t know, you’re the one that understands it. Is it really possible?”</p><p>“In theory,” she says. “But I’m starting to worry more about what will happen if they actually succeed.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>The quinjet lands at the Playground and Jemma starts to question her recent decisions.</p><p>First of all, it hurt her more than she expected to leave her family behind. She hadn’t seen them in years. Aunt Lily was much kinder than she remembered; Uncle Richard more understanding. She’d never met her cousin Elizabeth’s adorable daughter, Rosie. She’d probably never see her other cousins Katherine or Colin again; both vanished. But she met Colin’s lovely girlfriend, Amy, and Katherine’s husband, Shane. She cherished the time she spent with all of them.</p><p>Uncle Richard, quite luckily, is an estate lawyer and helped her manage what her parents left behind. Since she wasn’t sure what would happen next or if they would miraculously return, she set most of their money aside. Elizabeth was delighted when Jemma asked her to move into their house and take care of it, though Jemma couldn’t bring herself to box up her parents things before she left. She hesitated on signing everything over to Richard and Lily, so Richard drew up paperwork that would allow Jemma final say on the most important matters. She felt guilty she wasn’t planning to stay to manage everything, but she felt guiltier thinking she may be needed elsewhere.</p><p>Secondly, why oh why did she think it was a good idea to bring Grant Ward with her? He has been nothing but rude to the pilot and has barely spoken to her since they got on the quinjet in Sheffield. Not that there’s anything he could say that would calm her nerves about bringing him into SHIELD’s headquarters. But he could express some gratitude! Or wipe the sneer he’s had on his face for the past three hours.</p><p>When the ramp goes down, Mack is there to greet them and she inexplicably gives him a big hug. She and Mack have never been close, but they’d come to an understanding in regards to Fitz a long time ago. It really is nice to see him again.</p><p>After the hug, Mack moves quicker than she’s ever seen him and slaps what looks like one handcuff over Ward’s wrist. It looks almost exactly like what Daisy wore back when she was Skye and they didn’t trust her to use electronics. Ward takes it in stride.</p><p>“What’s this?” he asks casually, shifting his weight on his crutches to examine it closely. He must have expected something like this to happen.</p><p>“It’s a monitoring device,” Mack explains. “It’ll tell us where you are and anything you access in the base.”</p><p>“So I’m free to walk around? You’re not locking me up?” he questions. Jemma notes that he seems nervous. Maybe coming back to the base is what put him in such a bad mood; he was held captive in the basement the last time he was here, after all.</p><p>“Jemma said she cut you a deal,” Mack gives her a look like she made a mistake. “And since you’re not at your best anyway, we’re planning to honor it. If you behave.”</p><p>Ward holds his hands up in submission. “I just want to find my brother. Point me in that direction and I’ll get out of your hair.”</p><p>“How about we take you both to be checked out first?” Mack proposes. “I heard you got shy about seeing a doctor.”</p><p>Ward nods and Mack leads them through the hangar and into the base. Jemma smiles as soon as she sees her lab. It looks pretty close to the way she left it. She goes straight to her desk as Mack leads Ward to see Dr. Farriday. She runs her hands over the Post-It notes that she stuck to her computer monitors two weeks ago. Or was it three weeks? She’s lost track of time.</p><p>“Simmons!” she hears someone call. She looks up and Agent James Davis is walking toward her excitedly.</p><p>“Davis!” she smiles. He pulls her into a hug.</p><p>“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” he says. “Where have you been?”</p><p>“I got stuck in England,” she explains.</p><p>“I’m glad you came back, a lot of people didn’t.” She nods knowingly. “Have you had your debrief with Mack yet?”</p><p>“Not yet,” she says.</p><p>“Well come find me once you do, we can have a beer … or six.”</p><p>She smiles. “I will. Thank you.” She touches his arm and he goes through the lab to the exam room. She sees him talking to Mack and they switch places – Mack walks over to talk to her.</p><p>“I’m sure you’re probably anxious to hear where everyone else is,” he says.</p><p>“You and Davis are the only ones here, should I be making assumptions about that?” Her voice comes out more high pitched than she intended.</p><p>“It’s not as bad as it looks but it’s still bad,” he cringes. “You want to go somewhere more private?”</p><p>“Are you OK with leaving Ward unattended?”</p><p>“Davis won’t let him out of this sight.”</p><p>“Good,” she nods.</p><p>He leads her up to Coulson’s office and makes an educated assumption right away: Mack is the director now. He sits in Coulson’s chair and she sits across from him, expecting to hear the worst.</p><p>“Coulson and May are alive,” he says quickly.</p><p>She lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.</p><p>“Where are they?”</p><p>“I don’t know. It’s classified,” he explains, “but I can tell you part of it.” She nods.</p><p>“When you and Fitz were captured, Coulson left me in charge so he could go on an unsanctioned mission with Hunter and Bobbi. They were probably going to kill Ward.” He examines her reaction.</p><p>“Oh,” she says slowly. “So they were trying to rescue us?”</p><p>“Yes! That was the plan. At first.”</p><p>“Thanos?”</p><p>“Unfortunately,” he sighs. “Coulson took Ward’s brother hostage so they could find out your location. They dropped Thomas in New York with a SHIELD team and were on their way to England when all personnel were called to Wakanda.”</p><p>“All personnel?”</p><p>“Yes, I met them there with May, Skye – I mean, Daisy ­– Lincoln, Joey, Davis and all of our strike teams.”</p><p>“What was it like?”</p><p>“Shit, I was scared out of my damn mind.” They both briefly laugh. “I’d never seen the Avengers up close, never thought I’d fight side-by-side with them. And the aliens were just nasty.” They laugh again.</p><p>“I appreciate trying to keep it light but … any casualties I’d know of?”</p><p>“Lincoln died in the battle,” Mack winces. “Along with seven from the strike team, but I’m not sure you’d know their names.”</p><p>“Poor Daisy,” she whispers. She recognizes the look on Mack’s face before he can say anything. “Oh no. She’s gone, isn’t she?”</p><p>Mack nods. “And Bobbi.”</p><p>Jemma’s eyes widen. How is it all her closest friends in the world are gone?</p><p>“Where’s Hunter?”</p><p>Mack shakes his head. “He’s lost it. He said he’s going to rip apart the universe to get Bobbi back.”</p><p>“I understand,” she nods.</p><p>Mack gives her a knowing look. “Were you with Fitz? When it …?” Mack asks.</p><p>“I was standing right next to him. I saw him go.” She blinks back her tears.</p><p>Mack nods in understanding and whispers, “I saw Daisy.”</p><p>“What’s the progress?” she asks.</p><p>“For …?” Mack asks her.</p><p>“Bringing them back,” she says obviously.</p><p>Mack looks at her quizzically. “We can’t bring them back.”</p><p>She laughs humorlessly at him. “Yes, but we’re SHIELD. There’s got to be <em>something</em> we can do. I’m assuming that’s why May and Coulson left? There’s got to be a plan. Something.” She didn’t realize until this very moment that she still has hope everyone will be coming back. The look on Mack’s face is pitying.</p><p>“Mack?” she pleads.</p><p>“The Avengers found Thanos,” he explains. “He’d already destroyed the Infinity Stones.”</p><p>Jemma shakes her head in disbelief. “But … how is that – ? No, he couldn’t.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Jemma,” he says.</p><p>She puts her hand to her mouth and lets the tears fall. She’d been realistic about this all along. Once she saw Fitz disappear and once she confirmed her parents were gone, she accepted that she wasn’t going to see them anytime soon. But she still had hope. She still expected they would be coming back some day.</p><p>“And what’s going to happen to SHIELD?” she asks through her tears.</p><p>“We still have a job to do,” Mack says. “And there’s <em>a lot</em> to do. We need you more than ever. Are you going to stay?”</p><p>“Where else would I go?” she asks in a voice she knows is pathetic. But it’s the truth.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>“You talk to Stark?” Grant asks her after dinner. They’re walking down the hallway from the mess hall to their quarters.</p><p>“Yes, it sounds like he’s getting close,” she says.</p><p>“Good,” Grant says, though his inflection doesn’t match the word.</p><p>“Is it?” she challenges him.</p><p>They reach their door and go inside. She patters over to the couch and flops down, tapping the cushion next to her for Grant to join her. He looks at her and sighs.</p><p>“That looks like a trap,” he says.</p><p>“Not a trap, just a discussion,” she clarifies.</p><p>He rolls his eyes and kicks off his shoes, walking over to her like he’s a little boy being forced to eat his vegetables.</p><p>“I think I’ve just seen my future,” she says with a smile.</p><p>“Huh?” he asks as he makes himself comfortable next to her.</p><p>“Nevermind,” she says. “We need to make a decision.”</p><p>Grant puts his face in his hands. “Don’t you ever get tired of having the same conversation over and over?”</p><p>She puts her hand on his thigh. “Not when I’m trying to work on a compromise with my husband.”</p><p>He looks up at her and smiles. “How do you always do that?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Make everything sound OK.”</p><p>“I wasn’t aware it wasn’t OK?” she furrows her brow.</p><p>“You know I hate arguing.”</p><p>“You know I hate when you try to tell me what to do. But now that we have someone else to think about,” she points to her belly, “we have to be better about coming to a compromise.”</p><p>“Well I’m not going to compromise about you going into the castle. It’s too risky.”</p><p>“I agree that it’s risky.”</p><p>“That’s not what you said last night,” he glares at her. “You said I was being overprotective.”</p><p>“Well I’ve thought about it since then,” she says diplomatically. “And you’re right.”</p><p>He looks at her in surprise. “Say that again,” he teases.</p><p>“You’re right,” she groans. “I can’t be in the room when everyone comes back. Even though I know Fitz will be a wreck. It’s too much of a risk with Malick. And all the other people with guns.”</p><p>“But?” he asks warily. He lays his head back on the couch and stares at her.</p><p>“I still need to <em>be there</em>. On site. I need to ensure nobody tries to go through the portal. And I do need to be there for Fitz. He was my best friend for 10 years and it’s going to be so difficult for him to accept that he’s lost 5 years.” She grimaces before adding, “and that he doesn’t need to kill you.”</p><p>“And you think walking in 7 months pregnant is going to be helpful in that situation?” he asks wryly.</p><p>“Not until after you diffuse the situation. Then I can be there for Fitz and bring him home with us.”</p><p>“When are you going to tell him?” Ward asks softly.</p><p>“About us?” she guesses. She bites her lip. “I don’t know. As soon as it feels right, I guess?”</p><p>“Before or after he tries to make a move on you?” Ward scoffs.</p><p>“Before,” she stresses, taking his hand. “I don’t want to kiss anyone but you. Ever.”</p><p>“I thought we’d already agreed on that point.” He squeezes her hand and looks at her sadly.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“That you don’t know how you’re going to feel when you see him again.”</p><p>She would laugh if it didn’t look like his heart was breaking in front of her. “That’s not what I got out of that conversation,” she says, getting close to him. “Let me say it all again.” She wishes he wasn’t looking at her like a wounded animal.</p><p>“I truly don’t know how I’m going to feel when I see Fitz again,” she continues. “If Stark’s right, the past five years will have happened in the blink of the eye for him – and everyone else. It’ll be awkward to see him in the same place. And that’s because everything has changed for me.”</p><p>She looks down at their wedding rings. “You said something the other day about Fitz being the love of my life and I should have corrected you. You, Grant Ward, are the love of my life.” His eyes widen and the tension in his body releases. “I love you in a way that I’ve never loved anyone before and yes, it’s all due to the past five years. They’ve been the best years of my life. How many times do I have to tell you that I wouldn’t change it for the world?”</p><p>He stares at her and she smiles wide. “I love you so much,” he says, pulling her toward him and into a kiss. He’s never been one for words. She tries, again, to pour all her love into her kiss. To make him see what she already knows.</p><p>“I’m sorry I’m such an idiot,” he mumbles when they break apart.</p><p>“I know who I married,” she teases.</p><p>“Well now that we have that part of it figured out,” he says hesitantly. “There’s someone else we need to talk about.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Will.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>Jemma is surprisingly numb when she leaves Mack’s office. He tells her to go get some rest but when her brain is working normally again, she’s sitting at her desk in the lab instead. Her computer boots up and she starts an AI search of SHIELD’s database for everything involving the Snap. </p><p>She finds bodycam footage of agents disappearing; archival history of the Infinity Stones; a report from Black Widow on the final altercation the Avengers had with Thanos. Nothing she sees indicates SHIELD is still working on reversing the Snap. All of the memos and plans she looks through says SHIELD is moving forward. Without half of the world.</p><p>She turns to grab a pen from her drawer when she notices that Ward is sitting in the desk next to her. He has his elbow propped up on the table with his head in his hand, looking at her screen.</p><p>“How long have you been there?” she asks him, slightly annoyed. She notices Davis sitting across the room, glancing between Ward and a paperback book.</p><p>“A while,” he says absent-mindedly. “You need to work on your situational awareness.”</p><p>“I’ll keep that in mind,” she mutters, grabbing her pen and making a new Post-It note. She writes down the names of the six Infinity Stones – Space, Reality, Power, Mind, Time, Soul – and sticks it to the bottom of her computer screen. She has so many thoughts percolating in her brain, taking notes helps her to organize them.</p><p>Ward hasn’t said a word so she asks him what the doctor said. She looks back at her screen while he talks and is given a harsh reminder of her life three weeks ago.</p><p>“You were right, just a sprain,” Ward sighs. “He thinks I’ll be able to walk on it again in a few days. He gave you props for getting me the crutches and making me take it easy.” He gives her a half smile. “Thanks, doc.”</p><p>“You’re welcome,” she says in a daze, still distracted by the other Post-It note on her screen. It’s a doodle of the ram symbol that Fitz made. It is morphing into the HYDRA octopus but with a different moniker below: W.A.N.K.E.R.S. It’s bringing back memories and she doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the sight of it. </p><p>“Are you OK?” Ward asks her.</p><p>“Yes,” she replies stiffly. She closes her eyes and counts to five. In her mind, she imagines her music box and puts the memory of that day with Fitz inside. She opens her eyes again and instantly feels better. “Were you saying something?” she asks Ward.</p><p>He looks at her a little concerned but moves on. “Not really. But did you find out what happened to Coulson? And the rest of the team?”</p><p>She wonders a lot of things in the next few seconds. For one, why is he sitting next to her desk and talking to her like they’re friends? Are they friends now? What would Fitz think of this conversation? Or Daisy? Or Coulson?</p><p>And the next thought that crosses her mind is, what does Ward expect to gain from this information? Is he still planning to go after them? Is he trying to make sure they’re all gone so he can move on to his next nefarious plan? Would he try to kill any of them if they were still here?</p><p>She looks at him warily but by now she’s starting to get a headache from all her thoughts and emotions fighting for brain space. “Coulson’s gone,” she blurts out. Then she blinks at him, her mind going blank as she realizes that she still has no idea where Coulson went. </p><p>He looks confused. “Gone? What kind of gone?”</p><p>“I’m not sure, Mack said he went on a mission and left Mack in charge.”</p><p>“So he’s coming back?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Jemma rubs her temples, her head starting to feel worse.</p><p>Ward furrows his brow. “And everyone else?”</p><p>“Skye – I mean, Daisy – and Bobbi vanished. May went with Coulson. Everyone else is just gone.”</p><p>“Lance Hunter?” he asks.</p><p>“Mack said he’s focused on getting Bobbi back. I think he’s probably on a bender. So I doubt you need to worry about him anytime soon.”</p><p>Ward nods and looks away. She wonders if that’s also why he was in such a bad mood on their way to the base. Maybe they were both worried about what they would find here, but in opposite ways.</p><p>“I hate to ask this,” he says, “when you just found out which of your friends are missing …”</p><p>“But?” she fills in the blanks.</p><p>“Did Mack tell you anything about Thomas?”</p><p>Jemma sighs. “Yes.”</p><p>“And?” he asks impatiently.</p><p>“Last he heard, Coulson dropped him off in New York.”</p><p>“Was he OK?”</p><p>“I’m not sure. Let me pull up his file.”</p><p>Ward looks over her shoulder as she tries to find something in their database about Thomas Ward. Nothing comes up in her searches. “That’s strange,” she says with a frown.</p><p>A deep voice says behind her, “It was an unsanctioned mission.”</p><p>Jemma and Ward whip around. “Mack, you scared me,” she says.</p><p>“Sorry,” he mutters. “I need a word with Ward.”</p><p>“What do you mean unsanctioned?” Ward asks Mack.</p><p>“I mean Coulson left it off the record. It wasn’t official SHIELD business. All I know about your brother, I already told Jemma.”</p><p>“Was anybody with them?”</p><p>Mack hesitates, clearly not wanting to share sensitive information. But Jemma also thinks Mack probably just wants Ward gone and is willing to help him enough to get him to leave as soon as possible.</p><p>“Two of our agents,” Mack says vaguely.</p><p>“Hunter and Morse?” Ward asks with narrowed eyes.</p><p>Mack merely shrugs as a response.</p><p>“Bobbi’s vanished though, and with Coulson gone –” Jemma starts.</p><p>“– Hunter’s the only one who would know where Thomas is,” Ward finishes.</p><p>Mack looks between the two of them, thrown off guard that they are finishing each other’s sentences. Jemma tries to mask her embarrassment by continuing to talk.</p><p>“Mack, is there any way you can get in touch with Hunter? Ask him about Thomas?” Jemma asks.</p><p>“I can try,” Mack shrugs. “In the meantime, we retrace their steps. We can pull the flight logs and the security cam footage from the quinjet they used.” Jemma immediately starts pulling up flight records for the day of the Snap.</p><p>“They used a quinjet on an unsanctioned mission?” Ward asks dryly.</p><p>“We still need to do your debrief,” Mack orders, changing the subject. “Did Farriday clear you?”</p><p>“Look man, I just want to find my brother and get out of here. Do we really have to do the whole SHIELD rigmarole?” Mack must give Ward a menacing look because Jemma hears Ward sigh and get up onto his crutches. He slowly follows Mack to the director’s office.</p><p>When they’re gone, Davis comes to take Ward’s seat. “So, you’ve been hanging out with Grant Ward?”</p><p>She looks at him and rolls her eyes. “Not ‘hanging out.’”</p><p>“Sure,” Davis says with a concerned big brother look.</p><p>“In case you didn’t know, he had kidnapped me when it all happened.”</p><p>“So you, what? Kidnapped him back?” Davis teases.</p><p>“Hmm I guess in a way, I did,” she says with a laugh. Davis smiles at her.</p><p>“He didn’t hurt you, did he? You don’t have some sort of head injury? Or selective amnesia?”</p><p>“No, Davis, he hasn’t hurt me since the Snap.” Davis raises his eyebrows. “But I remember all the things Ward has done. I haven’t let my guard down.”</p><p>“Good,” he says. “That’s all I was worried about. Now how about a beer? My wife’s here. I’d love for you to meet her.”</p><p>“That would be wonderful,” Jemma says excitedly, turning off her computer screen and following him out the door.</p><p>…</p><p>When Jemma finally heads to her quarters, she has a slight buzz from the happy hour with Davis and his very kind wife, Priya. Her carb-heavy dinner didn’t quite soak up the booze and she’s glad for it. She’s nervous about going back into her room. She’s not sure why.  </p><p>She looks at the door next to hers – Bobbi’s room. And she knows behind her is Daisy’s. Both rooms gathering dust. The thought reminds her of what Fitz became when he vanished; he was like dust flying into the air. One minute he was there, the next …</p><p>She turns on her heel and walks down the hallway to another door not too far away. She stands outside of it and bites her lip, taking her time. She’s not sure she’s quite brave enough to enter. If she can’t work up the courage today, she can always try again tomorrow. The room, at least, isn’t going anywhere.</p><p>“Simmons?” a voice calls. She realizes Ward’s said her name a few times now but she wasn’t responding. He’s standing a few feet away from her, looking alarmed.</p><p>“What?” she snaps.</p><p>“You really didn’t hear me walking up? It’s not like my crutches are quiet.”</p><p>“I have a lot on my mind,” she huffs. “Did you need something?”</p><p>“It can wait,” he says, watching her intently. “Are you scared to go in?”</p><p>“Not scared, exactly,” she says quietly.</p><p>“Do you need help?”</p><p>She considers his offer. “Could you just … maybe … open the door for me?”</p><p>“Sure,” he says. He hobbles over and looks at her. His hand goes to the door knob. “Ready?”</p><p>She nods and he pushes the door open wide. She can see all the way into Fitz’s room and her heart skips a beat when she notices it is messier than she’s ever seen it. That’s so like him, she thinks.</p><p>“Oh, this isn’t your room,” Ward mutters beside her.</p><p>She looks at him but she can’t even see him, her eyes are so filled up with tears. “Close it,” she manages to choke out.</p><p>Ward reaches to the knob and pulls it shut. “It’s OK,” he says, putting his hand on her shoulder. “It’s OK if you’re not ready.”</p><p>She nods and puts her hand on top of his as a thank you.</p><p>“Let me take you to yours then,” he says quietly. “Which way?”</p><p>They go slowly down the hall to her room. He keeps a respectful distance. Ward probably wouldn’t be able to tell from the sight of her right now, but she’s actually holding back and is eager to get into her room and open the floodgates. She points to her door when they get there and he opens it for her.</p><p>She nods at him as she goes inside and she doesn’t look back as she closes the door in his face. She pulls the pillowcase she took from Will’s cot out from under her shirt and carefully covers her pillow with it. She’s been sleeping with it every night, and Will’s scent is starting to fade. She throws it on the other side of the bed from her so that it might last longer, but not so far that she can’t grab it if she needs to later. She drops into bed, pulls the covers over her head and lets herself go.</p><p>…</p><p>It takes three full days before Jemma and Ward are able to track down where Thomas was living before the Snap. Since it’s been a few weeks since then, and Thomas was left by Coulson in New York, they’re not sure whether he would go back there now. If he even survived.</p><p>Ward is finally back on his feet, though he continues to take her advice to rest. They sit side-by-side at her desk in the lab, poring over all of the available information. There is barely anything about Thomas online, and especially nothing since the Snap. That means either no one is looking for him, or they are smart enough not to.</p><p>Thomas had been evading his brother for years and he was good at covering his tracks. He was using an alias, Eugene Thompson, for his job at a jewelry store in Burlington, Vermont. There aren’t a lot of facial recognition cams in that part of the country. His address on his W-2 is for a house that was razed for a condo development, now stalled in construction indefinitely.</p><p>Ward has been itching to go search on the ground himself, and with his ankle in better shape, Jemma is running out of reasons to keep him at the base instead. She’s worried about unleashing Grant Ward back onto the world, and she’s said as much privately to Director Mackenzie.</p><p>“I’m calling it, Simmons,” Ward sighs, running a hand over his face.</p><p>She looks up from her notes and at him quizzically.</p><p>“It’s time to take a break. We should go get some dinner.”</p><p>“But it’s only –” She looks at the clock and raises her eyebrows at what she sees.</p><p>“10,” Ward laughs. “It’s 10 p.m.”</p><p>She looks at him sheepishly. “It feels more like 8.”</p><p>“I always wondered why you and Fitz used to miss dinner,” he teases. “Completely baffled me because he ate more than I did. But now I know. You lose track of time when you’re a lab rat.”</p><p>Jemma laughs until she feels the familiar weight in her chest at the realization, once more, that Fitz is gone. In those rare moments when she forgets, it feels like a ton of bricks when she remembers.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Ward says, looking down. “I know you don’t like talking about him anymore.”</p><p>“That’s not true,” she says reflexively.</p><p>“It isn’t?” he asks.</p><p>“I just don’t like talking about him with you,” she responds coolly. “But then again, you’re the only one who ever brings him up. Why is that? Are you trying to make it hurt that much more?”</p><p>He winces at her accusation. “No, I don’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>She stares him down, waiting for him to elaborate on his answer.</p><p>“It used to help me,” he says quietly. “After I lost Kara.”</p><p>“Oh.” Her expression softens.</p><p>“You might think it’s better to avoid talking about him, but trust me, it’s worse. He’ll always be a part of you. You can’t shut that part of yourself down forever.”</p><p>“And why not?” She shrugs. “My father taught me to put my unpleasant thoughts away. It’s always worked fine for me.”</p><p>Ward raises his eyebrows. “What do you mean put them away?”</p><p>“I just imagine putting them into a box, and then I lock the box and I stop thinking about those things.”</p><p>“And that works?”</p><p>“Yes, I just put them away into the little box and I move on.” She waves her hand like she is tossing her unpleasant thoughts away.</p><p>“Do you think that’s … healthy?” Ward asks skeptically.</p><p>“Oh, what would you know about processing your emotions?” Jemma scoffs. “I remember what you did after you lost Kara. You didn’t go around talking about your feelings and your memories, you killed people!”</p><p>“Yeah, and where’d that get me?” Ward says matter-of-factly. “I’d alienated everyone in my life. My brother was so scared of me that he was in hiding. I was about to be indoctrinated into some inhuman-worshipping HYDRA cult. None of it could bring Kara back. Everything just added to the pain.”</p><p>Jemma can only stare at Ward. Their little heart-to-heart is unnerving. She doesn’t want to hear about Kara. She doesn’t want to talk to him about Fitz. What she does want, she’s realized, is dinner.</p><p>“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jemma says diplomatically, standing up from her chair. “We can pick this back up tomorrow, yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he mumbles.</p><p>…</p><p>The next morning, Jemma tells Mack they should let Ward go to New York or Vermont or wherever he wants. Immediately.</p><p>She insists that she needs a new project and shouldn’t be wasting her time on something for Ward when SHIELD needs her. Mack agrees.</p><p>He gets Davis to prep a quinjet to drop Ward off later that day, and gives Ward a stern warning that SHIELD will put him back into Vault D if he hurts anyone. The intel on HYDRA is that it’s just as broken down as SHIELD, and the last thing they want is for Ward to put it back together again as a new head. He’ll have to keep wearing the bracelet that monitors him, and check in once a month with Mack until they can get someone permanent to be his liaison.</p><p>Ward finds her in the lab, going through files on inhumans. “You’re giving up?” he asks accusingly.</p><p>“I’m agreeing with you,” she responds in a pleasant tone. “You’ve been saying you need to go see things for yourself …”</p><p>“And you said we needed to keep running the facial recognition program until we could accurately trace him.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Ward,” she says, pointing to her stack of files. “Mack needs me on other projects. I think your best chance is to go to Vermont and poke around. Find out about his life there.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ward says, a little disappointed. “I guess I’ll go do that.”</p><p>She gives him a small smile. “What time are you leaving?”</p><p>“Soon.”</p><p>“This is goodbye then?” She stands out of her chair and extends her hand.</p><p>He looks down at it and appears to be slightly offended, but shakes it anyway. “Yeah I guess so.” He releases her hand. “Are you going to put the past few weeks into your box of repressed memories?” He smirks, so she smiles back.</p><p>“Parts of it are already in there,” she laughs.</p><p>“That’s a shame.”</p><p>They stare at each other for a long minute, neither knowing quite what to say. Jemma remembers the burner phone she had been planning to give him, in case he needed to get back in touch about Thomas. She considers whether she really wants him to have a direct connection to her, and decides it will be harmless. She reaches into her desk and pulls out a pair of flip phones. She holds one and hands him the other.</p><p>“What’s this?”</p><p>“Walkie-Talkies,” she says brightly. “You have my number and I have yours. In case we need to get back in touch.”</p><p>“Oh,” he says, his brow furrowing. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Let me know if anything comes up with Thomas and you need me to check something on this end,” she says.</p><p>“That’s nice of you,” he mutters.</p><p>“Hey Ward, you ready?” Davis calls from the hallway. </p><p>“Yeah!” Ward calls back. He smiles at her. “Bye Simmons. Thanks for … everything.”</p><p>“You too, Ward. Take care of yourself.”</p><p>“I’ll try. And if not, you’ll still patch me up, right?”</p><p>“I’m not that kind of doctor,” she smirks.</p><p>He laughs. “Take care of yourself, too.”</p><p>And with that, he turns and walks away. </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>“We can’t let anyone go through the portal,” Jemma says immediately.</p><p>“Even to rescue Will?” Grant asks.</p><p>Jemma takes a deep breath. “It’s too big of a risk. And we don’t even know what happened. It’s possible he died.”</p><p>“But we didn’t see a body.”</p><p>“I made my peace with it, Grant. A long time ago.”</p><p>“Yeah – when you thought he vanished forever. Now, he might come back.”</p><p>“And so would It!” she snaps. She flings her arms out to her sides on the couch in exasperation. “Oh, I just hate this. Not only are they coming back to the exact point they were five years ago, but we have to relive it, too! As if it wasn’t hard enough the first time!”</p><p>“I know, I’m sorry, baby.” Grant takes her hand and kisses it.</p><p>“I left him a note,” she says very softly. She hadn’t thought about it in years. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but she thinks that if Will came back to see it he would be devastated.</p><p>“You never told me that,” Grant says, pulling her into his arms.</p><p>She starts to tear up. “I put it into my box.” And the tears start flowing down her cheeks.</p><p>“Shhhh,” Grant says, soothing her. “I thought we were done with that, baby?”</p><p>“Maybe there were too many things inside of it,” she sniffs.</p><p>“Why don’t you tell me then and we can take it out? What happened when you went into the cave?”</p><p>“I told you, he wasn’t there,” she says, trying to compose herself. Closing her eyes, she can picture the cave again like it was yesterday. “And it didn’t look like he’d been there for a while. The fire was out – and he was always good at keeping it going. It was like an obsession of his. It gave him something to do.”</p><p>“That makes sense.” His tone encourages her to keep talking.</p><p>“I saw our cots were still right next to each other. They were the cots they brought on the Project Distant Star mission. Sometimes I thought it would be more comfortable to sleep on the floor than on those things.” Grant is rubbing her back and it’s very soothing. She keeps going.</p><p>“But we’d made it like a little bed … you know, after what I told you about trying to send the message in the bottle?”</p><p>“I remember,” Grant says softly, probably not wanting to rehash her sex life with her ex-boyfriend.</p><p>“I didn’t know what else we would find out there, so I wrote him a message that I had come to find him. And that I loved him and hoped to see him again some day. I also left him a Snickers bar, his favorite.”</p><p>She realizes she has stopped crying entirely. She looks up at Grant and strokes his cheek.</p><p>“What would you do if I left you a note like that?”</p><p>Grant scrunches up his face to think about it. “I think I would like knowing that you’d been there. It’d be worse to think you left and never came back.”</p><p>“You don’t think it would devastate him?”</p><p>Grant considers her words. “You said that you were the voice of hope and he was the voice of doom, right? I think he would have enough doom on his own. The note would be hope. I think he would appreciate it, cling to it. It would make him feel better.”</p><p>“But I don’t plan on going back for him. Ever.”</p><p>“And you’re sure?”</p><p>“Yes, 100%.”</p><p>“Then I’m going to have to do my part,” Grant says with resolve. “Something I should have done five years ago. I have to kill Gideon Malick.”</p><p>Jemma looks into his eyes. They hid the monolith pieces a long time ago, and no one has tried to enter the castle since they left it. But the wicked head of HYDRA who would have done anything to open the portal is more dangerous than any inanimate object.</p><p>She has no doubt in her mind that it’s the right thing to do when she answers, “OK.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
  
</p><p>There are very few people left in the lab so once Ward leaves, Jemma throws herself into her work to help tackle the backlog. Jemma’s first task is to coordinate with her two remaining colleagues on the science team.</p><p>Dr. Spencer Ellis is at least fifteen years her senior but because he has no ambition, has been reporting to her for a year already. When she assigns him his tasks, he gets right to it with no drama. Dr. Sydney Cameron is another story, and Jemma finds herself having to hold Cameron’s hand through each step and listen to her whine about how much she misses her family in Houston, who all miraculously survived the Snap. At the end of the day, Jemma orders Cameron to take leave.</p><p><em>I mean really, what does the woman have to complain about?</em> She hopes Cameron doesn’t come back.</p><p>That leaves only her and Dr. Ellis when Mack comes into the lab two days later and shows them a video of the inhuman killer Lash taking his next victim. Finding Lash, formerly known as May’s ex-husband Andrew Garner, becomes the priority and the whole base is working to recapture him.</p><p>Jemma pulls Mack aside after the briefing.</p><p>“How are you doing?” she asks him. “I know we don’t exactly have the resources for a manhunt right now.”</p><p>“No thanks to you,” he says. “Dr. Cameron just called in that she’s not coming back.”</p><p>“Oh,” Jemma says sheepishly. “Yes, that’s most definitely my fault, sir. But believe me when I say, she was …”</p><p>“Annoying?” he finishes for her. They share a smile, but Mack’s turns into a grimace. “She’s not the only one. I’m finding it harder and harder to keep track of who we’ve lost and who’s run off to go ‘find themselves.’”</p><p>“Is that what she said?” Jemma laughs.</p><p>“No, that one was Agent Piper.”</p><p>“Oh dear,” Jemma commiserates. “Any word from Coulson?”</p><p>“No, nothing,” Mack shakes his head. They’re silent for a moment before he asks how she has been doing,</p><p>“Hanging in there, staying busy,” she replies.</p><p>“Happy that Ward’s finally gone?”</p><p>“Actually,” she sighs. “I’d kind of gotten used to having him around.”</p><p>Mack gives her a strange look.</p><p>“I know, I know.” She rolls her eyes. “He’s a right bastard. And I’ll never forget what he’s done.”</p><p>“But?”</p><p>“He said he wanted started fresh.” She shrugs.</p><p>“I think that’s called Stockholm Syndrome, Simmons,” Mack teases.</p><p>When Jemma goes to sleep that night, she realizes that her conversation with Mack was the lightest she’s felt in days. The pressure to keep the lab afloat has been weighing on her without Fitz to lighten the load. Dr. Ellis is brilliant, but she’ll need more staff if she’s going to make any progress.  </p><p>She doesn’t have many friends left around to talk to, either. The base is only half full now, after all. And more are giving up every day, as Mack said. She wonders if SHIELD can survive. She hopes they can. The world needs them now more than ever.</p><p>…</p><p>A few days later, Lash has already gotten away twice and killed five more inhumans. Alisha, one of Lincoln’s friends from Afterlife, included. Davis got pretty beat up on the last mission, and his wife, Priya, spent an hour crying on Jemma’s shoulder in the lab, scared for his life.</p><p>So when she gets a call from Ward on her burner phone for the first time close to midnight, after a long and soul-crushing kind of day, it’s perfectly reasonable for her to ignore his call. But then he calls again. And again. And Jemma has no choice but to answer.</p><p>“Hello?” she answers, exasperated.</p><p>He’s quiet on the other end for a moment. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Oh, just another day in SHIELD,” she sighs. “What’s wrong with you? Why have you called … four times?”</p><p>“It’s not that urgent,” he mumbles. “But I didn’t want to leave a voicemail.”</p><p>“That’s fine, I said you could call anytime,” Jemma rubs her eyes and stifles a yawn. “What do you need?”</p><p>“I got some new parameters for the facial recognition search.”</p><p>“Did you get a lead?”</p><p>“I got … a sister-in-law, actually. And a nephew.”</p><p>“Wow, Ward!”</p><p>“And …” he hesitates. “A new bullet wound, unfortunately.”</p><p>“Ward …” she scolds him. “Who shot you?”</p><p>“Thomas’ wife,” he admits. “He told her if she ever saw me to run, but she wanted to stand her ground. Luckily she has terrible aim.”</p><p>“And where is she now?” Jemma asks, even more exasperated and assuming the worst.</p><p>“She’s fine.”</p><p>“Ward! If you touched a hair on her head, I swear…”</p><p>“I didn’t! I promise.”</p><p>“Then what happened after she shot you?” Jemma rubs her temples, feeling a headache come on.</p><p>“I managed to convince her I was here to help.”</p><p>“Before or after you tortured her?”</p><p>“Simmons, you think I would hurt one of my family members?” He takes a beat. “OK wait, nevermind, don't answer that. Maybe I would have before, but I wouldn’t do that now. Not to Thomas.”</p><p>“Fine,” Jemma sighs. “So do they know where he is? Have they heard from him since the Snap?”</p><p>“No. It’s not looking good. But I want to be sure.”</p><p>“When was the last time his wife spoke to him?”</p><p>“Right after Coulson dropped him off. He told her he was going to Penn Station to try to catch a train to Vermont.”</p><p>“Does she know what time it was?”</p><p>“Around 2.”</p><p>“OK, I’ll narrow the search from the quinjet’s coordinates to the area around Penn Station. That’s still a lot of ground to cover in New York City. I can’t make any promises.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Ward says.</p><p>“You’re welcome. I’m headed to bed but I’ll set up a search to run overnight and call you in the morning.”</p><p>“Thanks Simmons. I really appreciate it.”</p><p>“Good night.”</p><p>…</p><p>
  <em>She’s back on Maveth. How did she get here? She and Ward hid the remaining monolith stones. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She hears Fitz calling to her. The portal! She looks around and sees Will, above her on a ridge. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Will!” she shouts. “It’s Fitz! He’s come for us.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She runs across the valley and up a hill. She falls trying to run up the sand. When she gets to the top, she sees a cavern ahead. Fitz is on the other side, waving his arms. </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Fitz!” she calls. “It’s too far, I can’t make it!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He says something back to her, but she can’t hear him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Will catches up to her. “I’ve never been able to resist doing something when I'm told the odds are impossible.” He takes something out of this pocket. It’s a tiny helicopter with a rope attached. He quickly ties it around her waist. </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“But this can’t carry me?” she protests. “I’ll never make it."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The sand near them starts to swirl. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s here, you have to go!” Will shouts over the wind. </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She looks across the cavern at Fitz, shouting her name. Will pushes her off the side of the cliff and she screams but the tiny helicopter holds her up and she’s flying across to the other side. </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She looks back at Will. The sand is swallowing him up. He’s waving goodbye. She looks ahead to Fitz. He’s smiling and holding out his hand to her. She reaches to take it, and his hand turns to dust in her palm.</em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Fitz! No!” she shouts. She cuts the string around her waist and lands on her feet next to the portal. She looks around frantically but Fitz is nowhere to be seen. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Fitz? Fitz!” She calls but she doesn’t see him anywhere. She looks out across the chasm toward Will, but he’s gone, too. The sand has stopped swirling. Everything is still. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She turns toward the portal and Ward is stepping out of it. “What’s taking you so long?” he asks. He sticks out his hand and she reluctantly takes it. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jemma wakes up covered in sweat; tears are falling down her face and she gasps for air. <em>It was just a nightmare. </em></p><p>She looks around her room. She’s in the Playground. She’s not on that planet. But Fitz really is gone. Will is, too. She curls herself into a ball, clutching the pillow with the case she took from Will’s cot, hoping it will help stop her from sobbing. But the scent is still fading. She wants the real thing so badly. She wants Will. Or Fitz. She wants to be comforted like either of them would if they were here. She’d even make do with Ward. <em>No, not Ward, </em>she chastises herself.</p><p>Before she makes a conscious decision, she is walking down the hall to Fitz’s room. She stares at the door. She hasn’t been able to make herself go in there yet, to see Fitz’s life entombed in his quarters. But right now she’s on autopilot and she finds herself swinging the door open wide and walking inside.</p><p>She opens his closet, pulls out one of his cardigans and wraps herself in his scent. This isn’t helping her to stop crying, but it’s comforting nonetheless. She climbs into his bed and the Fitz aroma is even stronger. She clutches his pillow to her chest and lets the pain fall out of her eyes, ears and throat. But still it hurts, so much. She wants to make it stop.</p><p>She thinks through her strongest memories of Fitz, and decides it’s time to put them into her music box. One by one: their first conversation about dieletric polarization; studying late at night in his bedroom and falling asleep on the floor; dissecting a cat next to Fitz’s lunch in the lab at Sci-Ops; moving their things into the Bus; the pod at the bottom of the ocean; the nine days he spent in a coma; coming together when the “real” SHIELD betrayed them; Fitz’s dinner proposition; Fitz coming through the portal; Fitz agreeing to help rescue Will; Fitz kissing her in their lab; Fitz disintegrating into dust before her.</p><p>She’s exhausted by the time she compartmentalizes all of her memories. She falls into a deep sleep and when she wakes up at half-past nine, she resolves to stay focused on her work from now on.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>When Jemma and Grant go into the post-Snap preparation war room in the morning – their task force is appropriately code named Project Phoenix – Coulson is fidgeting with a curious item on the table. Jemma’s not an idiot, so of course she recognizes it, but it’s no less obvious why Coulson has a 1990s-era pager in his hands.</p><p>“Good morning,” she tells him brightly. “One of your antique gadgets from the SHIELD vaults?”</p><p>“Kind of,” Coulson answers. “Only it’s not an antique, it’s still in use.”</p><p>“Oh?” she asks.</p><p>Coulson looks at them seriously. “I know I owe you an explanation, and it’s time I told you …”</p><p>“Where you’ve been for the past five years?” Grant takes a seat eagerly and looks ready to listen. Jemma sits next to him.</p><p>“I didn’t know if I could trust you with this at first.”</p><p>“That’s understandable,” Grant says graciously. “But you trust us now?”</p><p>“I do,” Coulson replies, and that’s about as much of an apology as they are likely to get.</p><p>“Thank you, sir,” Jemma says. “We’re anxious to hear your story.”</p><p>“It’s a long one, about as long as yours, so I hope you’ll forgive me if I skip a few things.”</p><p>“Is Agent May joining us?” Jemma asks, suddenly noticing her absence.</p><p>Coulson smiles. “She was there the first time around, doesn’t feel the need to relive it.”</p><p>Jemma and Grant nod – that sounds like May.</p><p>“I’ll start with this,” he says, holding up the rather large, black pager. It’s been outfitted with newer SHIELD tech around the edges that probably boosts the signal, amongst other things. “I found this where Director Fury vanished on that day.”</p><p>“He was with Agent Hill, correct?” Jemma clarifies.</p><p>“Yes, they were driving together. They’d stopped the car and the last thing he did was push this button to call someone.”</p><p>“The Avengers?”</p><p>“The <em>first</em> Avenger.”</p><p>“Captain Marvel,” Grant whispers. Coulson nods.</p><p>“Who?” Jemma asks.</p><p>“She was an Air Force pilot. She developed powers. She left Earth to help an alien race find a new home planet,” Grant explains to Jemma. He looks over at Coulson. “Did I hit the high points?”</p><p>“You’ve been looking at Fury’s toolbox,” Coulson says.</p><p>“Of course,” Grant shrugs.</p><p>“How have I never heard of her?” Jemma asks.</p><p>“This was way before Iron Man and way after Captain America, and Fury wanted to keep it quiet. She was gone for about 20 years and she came back after Fury called her, but she was too late.”</p><p>“She was on the mission to kill Thanos,” Grant says with recognition.</p><p>“How powerful is she?” Jemma asks.</p><p>“Let’s just say, if she’d been here when Thanos came to Earth, he wouldn’t have been able to Snap his fingers,” Coulson explains. “Unfortunately for everyone, she wasn’t.”</p><p>“Where is she now?” Jemma asks. “She hasn’t been here helping the Avengers.”</p><p>“No,” Coulson nods, “she’s been out there.” He points to a picture of space that they have pinned to the bulletin board. “And May and I were helping her.”</p><p>“In space?!”</p><p>“Exactly,” Coulson says. “That’s the Cliff’s Notes version. There is also a whole thing with a talking raccoon, but you’d have to meet him to understand.”</p><p>Jemma and Grant exchange looks.</p><p>“Why didn’t you contact us?” Grant asks. “Mack was drowning, he needed help.”</p><p>Coulson shrugs. “The whole universe did. I was light years away, unfortunately. Trying to make connections, build some goodwill for Earth in the universe.”</p><p>Grant starts laughing. Coulson gives him a confused look.</p><p>“That’s what SWORD is supposed to do. The plans were in Fury’s toolbox.”</p><p>“Ohhh,” Coulson says with understanding. “You know, I thought it sounded familiar.”</p><p>“I co-opted the idea a little,” Grant shrugs, “made it more of an Earth-centric thing.”</p><p>“It was smart,” Coulson nods in agreement. “I respect your vision.”</p><p>“So that’s why you were gone all that time? You were helping Captain Marvel and a talking raccoon save the universe?” Jemma asks.</p><p>“More or less.”</p><p>“Well now I feel terrible for being mad at you,” Jemma mutters.</p><p>“You were mad at me?” Coulson asks, a bit concerned.</p><p>“You left her behind, Coulson,” her husband says defensively.</p><p>“I know, and I’m sorry,” Coulson says, reaching to grab her hand across the table. “I couldn’t bring Mack because I had to leave SHIELD in the hands of someone I trusted. And I didn’t even know where you were! But you would have been an asset on our mission. We missed you.”</p><p>“I missed you, too, sir,” Jemma says, squeezing his hand back and blinking away her tears. She finally got the apology she didn’t realize she needed.</p><p>“I talked to Stark this morning,” Coulson says after they’ve had their moment. “We have two days.”</p><p>“Two days?!” Grant and Jemma ask at the same time.</p><p>“Yes, so we need to make some final decisions,” Coulson says, pulling up the map of SHIELD and HYDRA movements down to the second on the day of the Snap. He projects it onto the wall. “So the castle in England – who’s going?”</p><p>“We both are,” Jemma answers.</p><p>“She’s staying on a quinjet until it’s clear,” Grant clarifies. “We’ll have a team to clear out the inhuman pods; another ready to disarm and restrain the HYDRA soldiers; and I will personally see to Gideon Malick.”</p><p>“And Fitz?” Coulson asks.</p><p>“Davis will be with me, he’ll make sure to keep Fitz out of the way until Jemma can talk to him.”</p><p>Coulson nods. “The operation in Gloucestershire was the biggest one on the map. Malick diverted a lot of resources there. The second biggest was Cape Town, so I think it’d be best if I take a team there and May takes Shanghai.”</p><p>“I agree,” Grant nods.</p><p>“Do you need me for this logistics talk?” Jemma asks. Grant shakes his head. “Good, because your son is pressing on my bladder.” Grant laughs and Coulson cracks a smile. “See you later.” She gives Grant a pat on the shoulder and walks as quickly as she can to the loo for some relief.</p><p>She’s losing the warm feeling from making peace with Coulson and reverting back to the ball of nerves she’s been since he arrived and told them the Avengers were going to bring everyone back. Even thinking about seeing Fitz again makes her feel like she might be developing late-stage morning sickness.</p><p>Of course she wants Fitz back. And her parents, Daisy and everyone else. But she’s dreading it. She’s dreading reopening old wounds. She pulls out her phone and texts Dr. Singh for an emergency appointment.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: The end of the "NOW" section includes explicit sexual content</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>Jemma rewinds the footage for the third time. She has to be sure if she’s going to tell Ward about this.</p><p>There’s a security camera on a stoplight a few blocks from Penn Station. The man who looks like Thomas Ward is walking quickly down the street when a black van pulls up. Two masked men hop out, put a bag over Thomas’ head and pull him inside.</p><p>She sets up a search to track the van and pulls out her phone. Ward is not going to like this.</p><p>“Hey,” Ward says when she gets him on the line. “Find anything?”</p><p>“I may have,” she says, biting her lip. “And it’s definitely not what we expected.”</p><p>“Just say it.”</p><p>“I think Thomas was kidnapped.”</p><p>“Kidnapped?!”</p><p>“I’ll send you the footage. Do you still use that ‘John Smith’ encrypted email? I’m not sure if it’s him.”</p><p>“Yes. Do you know where he was taken?”</p><p>“I’m running another search now. Check the footage first and let me know what you think.” They hang up.</p><p>Fifteen minutes later, Ward is calling.</p><p>“It’s him,” he verifies. “Sonja confirmed it.”</p><p>“You showed it to his wife?!”</p><p>“Of course,” he says coolly. “’So where’d the van go?”</p><p>“To an address in Queens. I just sent it to you. He was taken inside before the Snap, but I’ll keep watching the footage to see if he comes out again.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Ward’s tone is still clipped.</p><p>“Ward,” she warns. “Mack told you not to hurt anyone. Don’t rush in there guns blazing, let me keep going through the footage.”</p><p>“Simmons, if he was taken it was because of me, I know it.” She can hear the edge of desperation in his voice.</p><p>“Sonja doesn’t have any idea who could have done this?”</p><p>“He worked at a jewelry store. She’s a baker. They don’t have any enemies here.”</p><p>“OK, just don’t do anything rash. Let me keep looking. We can send a team there.”</p><p>“I’m already on my way, Simmons. You better work fast.” He hangs up.</p><p>She rolls her eyes at the phone. Of course he’d want to run headfirst into danger, this is the great Agent Grant Ward. A vengeful one at that.</p><p>She sees Davis walking down the hall and calls him over to help scrub through the footage. There’s a security camera conveniently located across the street from the apartment building where Thomas was taken. She runs up to Mack’s office to fill him in. Twenty minutes later, Mack has suited up and taken a team to New York to either stop Ward or help him.</p><p>Davis, still recovering from his injuries, helps her review a month’s worth of footage. Unfortunately, they get an eerie window into the world since the Snap. First, watching it happen all over again. The confusion in the streets. The chaos. Then the crime. The sorrow. She keeps an eye on the van but it never moves. People go in and out of the building, but there’s no way to tell who might have been part of the crime and who’s just out walking their dog.</p><p>She calls Ward and he answers with a clipped, “find anything yet?”</p><p>“I need more time,” she says.</p><p>“You have three more hours,” he replies.</p><p>“Mack is on his way,” she warns him.</p><p>“Oh yeah? I guess you delivered on that team after all.”</p><p>“Ward, think about Thomas and how you want to approach him after all these years.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, call me if you find something.” He hangs up again.</p><p>She exchanges a look with Davis. “What a dick,” he says. She nods and goes back to the footage. She gets to four days ago, and a man gets into the van and drives it away. It doesn’t come back for two days. When it does, a different man is driving. She runs a facial recognition search and gets a hit for the second man. He’s a former SHIELD agent-turned HYDRA soldier: Blake Newsome.</p><p>“Got ‘em,” Davis whispers next to her.</p><p>“Can we go back through and see if we can see him coming and going at any point?”</p><p>“You got it.”</p><p>She calls Mack to tell him what she’s found. Then she calls Ward.</p><p>“So it <em>is</em> my fault,” Ward mutters.</p><p>“No, it’s not,” she corrects him. “Stop getting yourself worked up! I know you’ll be there soon, but so will Mack. Promise that you’ll wait for him?”</p><p>“Why?” he scoffs.</p><p>“So you don’t put Thomas in any more danger.”</p><p>“I can’t make any promises.” He hangs up again. Jemma curses under her breath.</p><p>“Let me guess, he’s a one-man tactical team with an itchy trigger finger?” Davis asks.</p><p>“Wow, got it on the first try.”</p><p>Davis is running a search to see if Newsome came in and out of the building between when the van was first parked there till it was brought back. There’s nothing. They don’t have enough time to scrub through for the first man. Davis starts a general search on Newsome to pull any information he can about why he would be going after Ward’s brother. Jemma keeps an eye on the live stream. A car pulls up, and she guesses it is Ward watching the building. <em>Please don’t do anything stupid.</em></p><p>She doesn’t want to deal with the guilt or the blood on her hands if Ward goes in and shoots up the building. She’s tired of that feeling; it’s gotten old. She thinks back to what she said to convince Mack that it was more trouble to keep a hold of Ward than to let him go, and hopes she doesn’t regret her words.</p><p>Ten minutes later, she sees Mack’s team pull up in a white, unmarked van. He calls her to ask if she has any more information, and her and Davis tell him what they learned about Newsome. He was on Garrett’s team at one point, but when HYDRA came out of the shadows he was still low on the totem pole. He’s the type who thinks he deserves more. But that’s all they were able to dig up in the limited time they had.</p><p>They watch on the monitor as Ward joins Mack’s team and heads into the building. People start filing out with their hands over their heads – they must be clearing it door by door. Mack is questioning people. He has a picture of Thomas and is asking people if they’ve seen him.</p><p>Gunshots ring out. They can’t hear because there is no sound, but they can tell from the terror on the residents’ faces and the way people are running away from the building. A man jumps out a fourth story window and tries to take the fire escape down, but Mack shoots him with an ICER and he doesn’t make it past the first landing.</p><p>“Remember to breathe, Simmons,” Davis reminds her.</p><p>Her eyes are glued to the screen. The local police have turned up, as well as an ambulance. The SHIELD agents are leading out two men in cuffs. The guy on the fire escape is carried down and cuffed to a stretcher. </p><p>Eventually, Ward comes out of the building with his arm around … Thomas! He was in there this whole time?! He’s wrapped in a blanket and is having a hard time walking. He definitely needs medical attention. A medic walks up and helps Thomas onto a stretcher and into an ambulance. For a moment, Jemma wishes she were there. She’ll probably never meet this man she spent so long trying to find.</p><p>She watches as Ward pulls out his phone and suddenly, her burner is ringing. She smiles when she answers.</p><p>“You got him!”</p><p>“I got him!” He says triumphantly. She can see him smiling on the grainy live stream, but she hears it in his voice, too.</p><p>“Is he OK?”</p><p>“He will be,” Ward says. “Thanks to you.”</p><p>“I didn’t …”</p><p>“Thank you for finding my brother, Simmons. I owe you one. A lot of ones.” She can see his sincerity on the screen in front of her, and her heart softens for a moment. He reminds her of the Grant Ward she first met, but she shakes the thought out of her head. She sees Mack walk up to him.</p><p>“You’re welcome. I was happy to help. Good luck with him.”</p><p>“Thanks, bye.” He hangs up and she sees him start talking to Mack, who shakes his hand.</p><p>“Looks like it all worked out,” Davis says. “I wonder why they took him.”</p><p>“I wonder why they didn’t let him go,” Jemma says. “I’m sure their plans went out the window after Thanos. Why keep him there?”</p><p>Davis shrugs. “I’m sure we’ll find out. In the meantime, I’m starved. Want to get some lunch?”</p><p>At that, Jemma’s stomach rumbles and they both laugh.</p><p>…</p><p>Mack debriefs her later that it was some sort of hastily drawn up revenge plot against Ward. Newsome and Ward used to be close. So close, that Newsome knew all about Thomas and how hard Ward had tried to find him over the years. Newsome happened to see Thomas walking down the street and he tailed him till his friends could get their van into Manhattan. He thought he’d use Thomas for leverage against Ward and get some money from him. <em>Doesn’t this guy know what Ward is capable of?</em></p><p>Thanos derailed his plans. He lost two of his guys – one of them was the only one who knew how to get in touch with Ward. Still, he thought nabbing Thomas was too good to be true and didn’t want to give up even when all hell broke loose around the world. But he was at a loss for a next step. It didn’t stop him from using Thomas as his personal punching bag. He purposely got himself flagged by CCTV, at this point desperate to make contact with Ward. He’d heard HYDRA was in shambles and never would have dreamed Ward was back with SHIELD.</p><p>“And what happened to Ward?”</p><p>“He’s staying with Thomas at the hospital until his wife can get there.”</p><p>“Did they seem … OK? Thomas had been hiding from him for a reason.”</p><p>Mack shrugs. “I think he was grateful. But he got kidnapped because of Ward – twice – it was the least Ward could have done.”</p><p>“True,” Jemma nods.</p><p>“Ward was good, I’ve never fought on his side before.”</p><p>“Talent was never his problem.”</p><p>Mack nods. “I asked him if he wanted to come back with us.”</p><p>Jemma almost falls out of her chair. “You <em>what?!</em>”</p><p>“We could use him. He’s a good agent.”</p><p>“Yeah when he’s not putting a knife in your back.”</p><p>“I’m just agreeing with <em>you</em>, Simmons.”</p><p>“What? That he deserves a clean slate?”</p><p>Mack sighs. “It’s better to have him on our side. We’re still bleeding resources, and meanwhile Lash is still out there.”</p><p>“Has there been any activity?”</p><p>“No, but there was an incident in Bogota that I’m going to check out. It sounds like it’s inhuman related, and could be the next place he goes.”</p><p>“I won’t keep you then,” Jemma says, standing up. “Thank you for being there today. I’m sorry Ward forced your hand.”</p><p>“I got to do something good today, Simmons. Let’s take the win.”</p><p>…</p><p>Jemma gets a call the next day on her burner. Ward fills her in on Thomas’s progress. He has a fractured tibia and a broken arm, but he’s safe now and his wife Sonja is overjoyed to know he didn’t vanish.</p><p>“Is he angry with you?” Jemma asks.</p><p>“Well that’s what makes Thomas so great,” Ward explains. “He should be, and a big part of him is. But the other part doesn’t hate me as much anymore. I think Sonja is helping with that.”</p><p>“Wow,” Jemma says, “you must have made a good impression.”</p><p>“I let her shoot me, so I think that’s a big part of it. Oh, and little Tommy.”</p><p>“Your nephew?”</p><p>“Yeah, he didn’t know he had an uncle. He thinks I’m cool.”</p><p>“Cool, huh?” Jemma laughs. “That’s nice, I’m happy for you. Are you going back to Vermont with them?”</p><p>“Actually, that’s why I called. Did Mack tell you about his job offer?”</p><p>“He did.”</p><p>“So what do you think?”</p><p>“What do<em> I</em> think?”</p><p>“Do you think it’s a good idea for me to come back to SHIELD? Do you think you could work with me again? That anyone could?”</p><p>“I’m not sure,” Jemma says thoughtfully. “But the fact you’d even ask me that is already telling me a lot.”</p><p>“Telling you what?”</p><p>“A year ago, you would have just waltzed in and said we were lucky to have you. I think it shows personal growth that you’d bother to ask me if I’m OK with it.”</p><p>Ward laughs. “Well if you tell me you’re not, I might do it anyway.”</p><p>“And he’s back, ladies and gentlemen.” They both laugh this time.</p><p>“So? Do you want to keep an eye on me or not?”</p><p>“Hmm, you know I’ve considered if we don’t get you on our side that you’ll run off and start another HYDRA faction again.”</p><p>“That sounds like a lot of work. Been there, done that.”</p><p>“Isn’t there anything else you’d like to try? Knitting, perhaps?”</p><p>“It’s the only thing I know how to do, Simmons," he sighs. "I was made for it. This time, I want to help for real.”</p><p>“Oh, so rescuing your brother reignited your hero complex, hmm?”</p><p>“Please say ‘yes,’ Simmons,” he says softly.</p><p>“All right, fine,” she groans. “Don't make me regret this!”</p><p>“You won’t! It’s going to be great, us working on the same team again.”</p><p>“We kind of already have been …”</p><p>“I’ll see you soon then, teammate.”</p><p>“Try not to kill anyone in between the hospital and the Playground,” she warns.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>Jemma goes down to the storeroom in Vault C. It’s where she kept boxes for each of her vanished friends. She’s lucky she did, since they’ll all be coming back and wondering where she left their cellphones.</p><p>She opens the box she saved of Fitz’s, and closes it immediately. She never did have an easy time looking at these. What is it that Dr. Singh said? <em>You can hold onto them while still letting go. </em></p><p>“I thought you’d be down here,” her husband says from the doorway.</p><p>She wipes at a tear before turning toward him with a smile. “We’ll have to have someone bring these up, after it happens. Show them we didn’t give up all hope.”</p><p>“Don’t do that,” he says, walking across the room and putting his hand on her cheek. “Don’t put on a brave face for me.”</p><p>“I’m still so nervous.” She puts her arms around his waist.</p><p>“I know you are, me too.” He folds her into his arms. “What is the worst thing that could happen though?”</p><p>“Daisy quakes you and you die,” she says quickly.</p><p>“That wouldn’t be ideal, no,” he says dryly.</p><p>“Or I get so upset that I go into premature labor.”</p><p>“Wait, is that an option?” he says, pulling back to look at her.</p><p>She shrugs. “I mean, it’s always a possibility. In times of stress …”</p><p>He grimaces, and then the ends of his mouth turn into a wicked grin. “Well let’s make sure we keep you as relaxed as possible then.”</p><p>“I know that look,” she says uneasily.</p><p>“C’mon, we can come back down here tomorrow,” he says, practically pulling her out the door. She giggles as she tries to keep up with him, down the hall, up the stairs, down a corridor. He pulls her into the inset of the wall outside the mess hall and kisses her silly.</p><p>“You’re like teenagers,” Priya whispers as she walks by, holding her hand over her son Benji’s eyes. Jemma pulls back, embarrassed, and sees Priya wink. “Gotta love those pregnancy hormones.”</p><p>Grant looks guilty as Jemma rolls her eyes, now it’s her turn to pull him down the hall to their room. Once inside, <strike>s</strike>he doesn’t waste any time.  </p><p>She pushes him onto the bed and goes to climb on top of him, but her belly is in the way and she can’t get enough leverage to lift her legs that high. He watches patiently as she struggles to climb up on the bed before reaching out a hand to pull her on top of him. She lands with a thud, her pregnant belly making it impossible to maneuver for a kiss. She lets out an exasperated whine and he laughs.</p><p>“It’s not funny,” she pouts. “I can’t be sexy anymore.”</p><p>He sits up and pulls her into his lap, leaning in close. “If you think carrying my baby could somehow make you <em>less </em>sexy…” He kisses her hard, until her lips are swollen and her whole body is quivering under his nimble fingers, which are now slowly sliding up her top to take it off.</p><p>When her breasts and her belly are exposed, he looks at her in awe and uses his tongue and his lips to worship every patch of skin. “You’re so beautiful, so sexy,” he whispers, among other superlatives. Her back starts to hurt so she leans onto her hands, not wanting to interrupt his ministrations. Her skin is sensitive, and it just feels <em>so good</em>.</p><p>He slowly slides her stretchy maternity trousers down her body and moves his attention lower on her body. She lays back, her head almost off the bed. He pulls her forward by the hips and puts one leg over his shoulder. She whimpers, knowing what’s about to happen next.</p><p>His tongue turns in circles on her clit, then down to her pussy. And then back up, then down. Her pelvic muscles clench around thin air and she calls out his name in a low voice. He starts working her over a little harder, a little faster with his tongue, until she’s practically begging for his cock inside her.</p><p>He obliges, climbing on top of her as best he can to pump inside of her. He’s been doing all the work thus far, so she runs her hands between them, cupping his balls and teasing her clit, until she’s hitting her peak and can’t think straight anymore. She cries out some words that might have included his name and “fuck” and “come” and “yes,” but just as easily could have been garbled nonsense. He follows soon after, filling her up with what got her into this state to begin with.</p><p>He falls onto his side next to her, trying to catch his breath. It’s her turn to look at him in awe. She runs her finger tips up his arm and to his jaw. He playfully nips at her and breaks into a wide grin.</p><p>“So it worked then?” he asks smugly.</p><p>“What?” she asks.</p><p>“Are you relaxed?”</p><p>“Oh! Can I get back to you on that? My mind’s rather blank at the moment.” She smirks back at him and he looks even more smug after that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>It turns out they needed Ward on their side. He helps them capture Lash on his second mission, saving Elena Rodriguez at the same time. Jemma is happy to meet the speedy inhuman and when Mack starts calling her Yo-Yo, Jemma realizes how happy Mack is to meet her, too.</p><p>Ward is especially committed to making sure HYDRA doesn’t grow a new head. Though Mack doesn’t allow him to run the missions for obvious reasons, Ward helps them identify and track down a lot of the key players who would take up the gauntlet and rebuild HYDRA. He also seems to have an eye for which of their agents could actually be repurposed as SHIELD assets, and shares his idea with Jemma.</p><p>She helps him come up a pitch for the initiative, both to continue keeping an eye on him but also because she thinks it’s a good idea. She was undercover in HYDRA, after all, and knows there were a few good apples amongst the bad. She thinks of it as re-programming for ex-HYDRA agents and makes Ward go through the training they develop first. He claims it’s the most rigorous program he’s ever been in, and that tells her they did their job. They even bring on a psychologist – Dr. Saanvi Singh – to help with the process.</p><p>Mack is against the idea at first. He privately tells Jemma that he doesn’t want Ward rebuilding HYDRA within SHIELD again. Mack allows him to bring in one former HYDRA agent to try it out. Ward tracks down his old friend Danny Evans, who has been living in London since they left Gloucestershire. Jemma enjoys getting to know Evans. He seemed very loyal when she met him before, and she’s pleased to see his loyalty extends beyond Ward to the whole team.</p><p>As they start to bring on new agents, an ex-HYDRA agent here and a civilian police officer or scientist there, more people move into the base. They even get some people to come back, such as Agent Piper. (Luckily, Dr. Cameron is working in the private sector these days.) But the influx of agents leads to a hard conversation with Mack one day.</p><p>“Jemma, I’m afraid it’s time.”</p><p>“But what if they come back?!” she argues. “It hasn’t been long enough, it hasn’t even been eight months!”</p><p>“That’s what you said two months ago,” Mack says softly, “when it was six. But I’ve heard it from Tony Stark himself. There’s nothing anyone can do. They’re not coming back. ”</p><p>“Tony Stark doesn’t know everything,” she snaps.</p><p>“What about the president of the United States? Or the UN Security Council?”</p><p>“What do you think they would have said about me when I went through the monolith, Mack?” she argues. “No one would have believed that I crossed through to another planet, but Fitz never lost faith. I can’t give up on him!”</p><p>“Then we’ll box up their rooms and put them in storage. Just in case.”</p><p>“Just in case,” she agrees.</p><p>On the one-year anniversary of what has now become commonly referred to as the Decimation, Jemma goes down to Vault C over lunch and lingers. She goes through the boxes of the people she was closest to, trying to balance remembering them and keeping her strongest emotions in her music box.</p><p>“I thought you’d be down here,” Ward says from the doorway.</p><p>“I came to be alone,” Jemma says pointedly.</p><p>“Sorry,” Ward says. “We did the moment of silence and you weren’t there. I just wanted to make sure you were OK. I’ll leave you be.”</p><p>“Did you even lose <em>anyone</em> last year?” Jemma says accusingly before he can fully turn away.</p><p>He hesitates at the door. “Not exactly,” he says softly, turning around. “But then again, I didn’t have anyone.”</p><p>“I lost <em>everyone</em>. You don’t know what that’s like. I’m <em>never</em> going to OK.” She brushes a tear from her cheek and continues to glare at him.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he says. “Even just thinking Thomas was gone for those few weeks was hard enough. I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling.”</p><p>“No, you can’t,” she scoffs, closing the box with Bobbi’s things and putting it back on the shelf angrily. “This day isn’t for you. You don’t understand.” She is turning all her grief and anger on him and she knows he doesn’t deserve it, but she’s doing it anyway.</p><p>“You’re right. But that day was hard on me, too. You don’t have a monopoly on pain.”</p><p>“What are you even talking about?” she spits at him.</p><p>“Nevermind,” he says, putting his hands up in defeat. “I’ll leave you alone.” He turns to leave again.</p><p>“Wait –” Jemma calls after him, feeling guilty. “I’m sorry.” She runs her hand over her face. “I know I’m being all kinds of awful. You didn’t deserve all that.”</p><p>“It’s OK,” he says. “Want me to go grab Priya? Or Piper?”</p><p>She laughs. “No, I’ll be fine. And it’s fitting you and I should take a few moments. After all, we were together when it … happened.”</p><p>Ward nods. “I remember.”</p><p>“It’s kind of a blur for me now, to be honest,” she says, walking cautiously closer to him. “I was so focused on Fitz, I had no idea what was going on around me.” She leaves a pause for Ward to fill in the blanks.</p><p>Ward nods. “It was utter chaos,” he explains. “At first we thought we were being attacked. I had to stop a couple of people from shooting you, actually.”</p><p>“I didn’t know that,” Jemma mumbles.</p><p>“Yeah. We just … we had no way of knowing what it was. And then the reports were coming in that it was global.”</p><p>“I vaguely remember that.”</p><p>“You were in a daze but you kept muttering science-y things. Trying to find some sort of explanation.”</p><p>“You watched over me that night.” She looks at him curiously. “Why?”</p><p>He seems to be having a hard time looking her in the eye. “You were saying I didn’t lose anyone, and that’s true. It was more like I lost myself.”</p><p>She takes in his words. “How so?”</p><p>“Malick had convinced me I was on the precipice of greatness. I walked into the monolith chamber <em>knowing</em> my purpose. It all led up to doing the one thing in HYDRA that nobody else could do. And right when I was about to do it, everything fell apart.”</p><p>Jemma is looking at Ward and feeling like, for the first time, she is finally seeing him. He’s just as scared and scarred as everyone else.</p><p>“Yes, but why did you stay?” Jemma asks. “Why didn’t you just leave like everyone else?”</p><p>“I was still trying to hold onto it … I couldn’t face the truth. Not at first.”</p><p>“What truth?”</p><p>“That everything had changed. That I caught a really fucking lucky break.”</p><p>She laughs. “I guess we all did. If you had brought that monster back from that planet …”</p><p>“… half the world would be dead anyway?”</p><p>She grimaces at the thought. “Perhaps not. We would have found a way to stop It, eventually. We always did.”</p><p>“SHIELD?”</p><p>“Yes,” she nods. “I’d like to think you’d have seen the error of your ways. That you would have helped us in the end. Now that I can see where you’ve found yourself. All the good you are doing to make up for it.”</p><p>“I’m not so sure,” Ward says dryly. “I feel like I’m still in survival mode most days.”</p><p>“It’s only been a year, give it time – as Dr. Singh says.” They share a smile.</p><p>“Have you ever gone to talk to her?” Ward asks.</p><p>“No,” Jemma says, confused.</p><p>“You should make use of her, she’s really good.”</p><p>“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jemma says dismissively. “Shall we go up now? If you noticed I was gone, I’m sure Mack is worried, too.”</p><p>“He’s a little busy,” Ward says, gesturing like a gentleman for her to leave the room first.</p><p>“With what?” she asks, exiting out into the hallway.</p><p>“Um, Talbot is here?” he says, looking a bit guilty.</p><p>“Why didn’t you mention that sooner?” she says, smacking his arm and picking up the pace down the hall.</p><p>…</p><p>Mack acts like it's no big deal that Talbot came by, but Jemma has her suspicions. Then a few days after the commemoration, Jeffrey Mace shows up and gives a big speech about being the new director. Jemma gives Mack a betrayed look.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jemma asks after she pulls him aside in her lab later that day.</p><p>“I didn’t know it was going to happen so fast,” Mack sighs. “Coulson laid the groundwork to bring SHIELD back into the open, but the president had been dragging his feet for so long on his plans, I didn’t think it would happen so abruptly. I think they needed some kind of win after the commemoration. Show some strength.”</p><p>“And why is this ‘Patriot’ guy here anyway? They didn’t think you were up for the job?”</p><p>“They needed a face the public could trust.” Mack shrugs. “And I thought Coulson would be back by now. Honestly, I’m happy to hand over the reins. It’s not exactly an easy job.”</p><p>“You were doing great, Mack,” Jemma tells him. “There’s no one I would trust more.”</p><p>“Well don’t let that put you off this new guy, he has a lot of good ideas.”</p><p>“Oh, like ‘a team that trusts is a team that triumphs.’” Jemma rolls her eyes as Mack laughs. “We’ll see.” </p><p>…</p><p>As Special Advisor to the Director in Science and Technology, Jemma is privy to a lot of information about the new director. He’s a nice guy that means well, but he’s not an actual superhero. Once she finds that out, all the new rules and regulations that he’s implemented – though all things that typically make her feel nice – seem like a load of bollocks. She’s not even sure half the time what her classification color is, it seems to change every other week.</p><p>Mack and Ward are at her work station, waiting to give Mace a debrief.</p><p>“I can’t believe you were out for six full weeks this time,” Jemma complains. “You know, Yo-Yo and I actually stopped writing down all the ridiculous things Mace has said. It was too much to keep you up on.”</p><p>“And, uh, where is she by the way?” Mack asks hopefully.</p><p>“She went to Miami for a bachelorette party.”</p><p>“Oh,” Mack says, clearly disappointed. Jemma and Ward share a look.</p><p>“You should give her a call Mack, tell her how much you miss her,” Jemma teases.</p><p>Ward laughs. Mack rolls his eyes. “Yeah sure, I’ll do that.”</p><p>“What’s today?” Ward asks suddenly.</p><p>“Wednesday,” Jemma says.</p><p>“Damn, I was hoping it was taco Tuesday.”</p><p>“I could go for a burrito,” his partner nods.</p><p>“Wanna hit up that food truck on Grand?”</p><p>“Let’s do it.”</p><p>“I thought you had a meeting with Mace?” Jemma asks.</p><p>“And I thought you had a list of ridiculous things he’s done since we’ve left that you wanted to share,” Mack says quietly.</p><p>“Yeah c’mon, Simmons,” Ward says. “Let us be a bad influence on you.”</p><p>“OK fine,” Jemma acquiesces, digging a notebook out of her drawer. “But you asked for it.”</p><p>“Where’s Davis?” Mack asks.</p><p>“Priya had the baby, you didn’t hear?” Jemma answers.</p><p>“Nobody tells me anything anymore,” Mack jokes.</p><p>…</p><p>It takes almost 500 days before Jemma finally processes the immense loss she suffered on the day of the Decimation. The circumstances that lead to her break down are a perfect storm.</p><p>She wakes up from a nightmare about being back on the desert planet. She reaches out for Will’s pillowcase. She sniffs it but the scent is all gone, it has been for months. More than anything, it’s a reflex for her. She reminds herself she’s on Earth. That It is gone. That Will is gone. <em>That everyone is gone.</em> She pushes her feelings down and starts her day.</p><p>She’s usually the first one in the lab. First to arrive and last to leave, really. When she goes into the lab that morning, she’s surprised to see someone else there. She recognizes him immediately. It’s Dr. Steven Zhang, who practically wrote the book on mass spectrometry. They were lucky to get him on their team, and eager to have him dive in to a study on inhumans right away.</p><p>But that doesn’t explain why he’s sitting in Fitz’s desk.</p><p>Her hands start to quiver almost immediately, but she chocks it up to too much caffeine. “Good morning,” she says shakily.</p><p>Zhang turns and gives her a polite nod. He has one of those brilliant minds that puts him above all others academically but leaves him sorely lacking socially. She knows the type well, and doesn’t feel comfortable confronting him about his choice of work spaces quite yet.</p><p>She starts her computer and pulls up her calendar. That’s when she sees the date: it’s her mother’s birthday. Her heart starts to beat faster. Her hands clench like a crab’s pinchers and she has a hard time flattening them out again. She can’t, really. Her breath is uneven, she self-diagnoses. She looks out into the hall for a familiar face and luckily Ward is walking by.</p><p>“Ward,” she calls out. She can barely get the word out.</p><p>He stops and looks around, spots her and comes into the lab.</p><p>“Hey, what’s up?” he asks. He takes in her appearance. “Are you all right? You look pale.”</p><p>“I think I’m having a panic attack,” she says calmly, though her whole body feels anything other than calm.</p><p>Ward looks around the room and sees Dr. Zhang at Fitz’s work station. His eyes widen. “Let’s get you to Farriday,” he says.</p><p>He brings her to medical and doesn’t leave her side. Dr. Farriday gives her medication to help her relax and insists that she make an appointment with Dr. Singh. She counters that she’s fine, she is just having a bad day. But Ward betrays her. He tells Farriday that all she does is work, that she hasn’t taken a vacation since he’s been back at SHIELD.</p><p>She can barely defend herself, getting sleepy from the meds. Farriday brings her a blanket and she sleeps it off in a med bay. When she wakes up hours later, Ward is there. Or still there.</p><p>“Hey,” he says.</p><p>“What time is it?” she asks.</p><p>“Around 2,” he says.</p><p>She sits up and tries to get out of bed.</p><p>“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going?” he asks.</p><p>“I have a meeting with Director Mace at 3,” she explains.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, I cleared your schedule. You need to rest.”</p><p>“You’re not my boss,” she snaps.</p><p>“No, I’m your friend,” he says delicately. “I’m just trying to help.”</p><p>“Then help me up, I need to get back to work. Dr. Zhang started today, he probably thinks I’m –”</p><p>“Nobody thinks anything,” Ward reassures her. “You’re just taking a much-needed vacation. Nobody blames you for that. You deserve a little R&amp;R.”</p><p>She lays her head back on her pillow in defeat. “I don’t know what to say.”</p><p>“You don’t have to say anything. But how are you feeling? Can I get you anything?”</p><p>“No, I’m fine. Thank you.”</p><p>“No problem. I’ll let Dr. Farriday know you’re awake.”</p><p>The next day, she has her first appointment with Dr. Singh. Jemma is resistant to therapy at first, but Ward turns out to be right – Dr. Singh is really good, excellent even.</p><p>A few months later, when Jemma finally tells Dr. Singh about her music box, she doesn’t judge Jemma at all. But it does seem to be the thread that unravels everything else. Once a week, for a painful six months, she and Dr. Singh take things out of the music box one by one. The tears she cries in those sessions could fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool, twice. They work through each distressing memory and she resolves to work with Dr. Singh to tackle things as they come in the future, instead of pushing down her emotions until they explode out of her.</p><p>She goes to visit her aunt’s family in Sheffield, and their affection is a sorely needed balm on her soul that she’s been missing. She promises to visit twice a year, at least, from now on.</p><p>When it’s time for the two-year commemoration of the Decimation, she’s doing a lot better. She doesn’t press down her emotions at the SHIELD remembrance ceremony, and she even gives a small speech about the team members they lost that day. Afterward, she goes for drinks with the people that were left behind who have become her closest friends – Mack, Yo-Yo, Davis, Priya, Piper … and Ward.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>She feels Grant stir at 5:30.</p><p>“Please don’t go,” she says sleepily, clutching onto his chest.</p><p>For the first time ever, he pauses. “You need me to stay?” he whispers.</p><p>“Yes,” she whispers back. He holds her close to his chest and she falls back into a deep sleep to the sound of his heartbeat.</p><p>At 7:30, she wakes and he’s not there. But of course. The man sticks to a schedule to a fault, even if he did allow her to delay him earlier.</p><p>She gets dressed and heads to the mess hall for breakfast. On the way, she runs into May and they make small talk till they have their plates. Jemma seats them at a table where Davis, Piper and Priya are trying to convince Benji to eat some eggs.</p><p>“You ate them yesterday!” Priya tries to reason with him.</p><p>“No!” he says defiantly. “I don’t like eggs. I want pancakes.”</p><p>Jemma shoots May a bemused look. May doesn’t seem to know what to do with a child. But then again, she probably didn’t see many up close while she was flying around the galaxy for 5 years.</p><p>“We don’t have any pancakes,” Davis says through gritted teeth.</p><p>“Mmm these eggs are so good!” Piper says, exaggerating her pleasure when she takes a big bite. “You wanna try mine?”</p><p>“No!” Benji says.</p><p>“This kid, I swear,” Davis mutters under his breath.</p><p>Jemma laughs.</p><p>“Just you wait, this is going to be you before you know it,” Davis says.</p><p>“I can imagine,” Jemma says with a smile. “But not quite yet.”</p><p>“Hey – what did you decide about going to England?” Piper asks her. “Did you convince the director to let you go?”</p><p>Jemma lets out a sigh. “We came to an agreement. I’m going to go but I’m going to stay out of the way until he has the situation under control.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll be there,” Davis says, “to stop Fitz from offing your husband.”</p><p>Priya and Piper shoot Jemma concerned looks. </p><p>“And where will you be, Piper?” Jemma asks, changing the subject.</p><p>“I’m going to Shanghai!” she says excitedly. “We’re going to kick some HYDRA ass there, right Agent May?”</p><p>May looks back at her with no expression, taking a sip of tea.</p><p>“I’m worried about these HYDRA people,” Priya says from her end of the table, looking worriedly at Benji. “Is the director going to let them all join SWORD? That seems like a really bad idea.”</p><p>“We’ll assess each agent individually,” Jemma tries to reassure her. “The program we developed won’t work for everyone, of course. Grant won’t even let them on the base until he’s done some pre-screening, as he’s always done.”</p><p>“Do you think it’s going to work?” Piper asks. “I mean, it’s a crazy idea, right? Bringing half the universe back to life?”</p><p>“It’s about as crazy as making half the universe disappear,” May shrugs.</p><p>“She speaks!” Davis teases.</p><p>“I’m grumpy before I have my bacon,” May says with a small smile. “Just like Benji over there.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>“What are you … um …” Ward clears his throat loudly, which brings his voice down an octave. “Why are you wearing that?”</p><p>“Is it not appropriate?” Jemma asks, second-guessing Yo-Yo’s advice. They’re going on a mission at a natural science museum to reclaim an alien artifact that was hidden there by HYDRA a few years ago. They have to break in after dark and the security system includes motion-detection in a laser grid that they’ll have to maneuver around to grab the artifact. Jemma wanted to wear something tight so she wouldn’t risk setting off the alarm with a stray sleeve. Elena suggested she take something from one of the specialists.</p><p>So she’s wearing a skin-tight, full-leather catsuit.</p><p>“No! It’s uh, it’s great. I mean, it’s … it’s appropriate,” he is suddenly looking anywhere in the room than at her. “Where did you even get something like that?”</p><p>“Agent May’s belongings,” Jemma says proudly. “Yo-Yo said it would be good for a mission like this.”</p><p>“Sure,” Ward is nodding his head a lot, his eyes darting from her to other places in the room, and back.</p><p>“Are you OK?”</p><p>“Yep!” Ward says a little too enthusiastically. She gives him a strange look but his face is blank. “Let’s go.”</p><p>When they get back the next morning, alien artifact in hand, Yo-Yo and Mack are holding suitcases and waiting to take the quinjet.</p><p>“Dios mio, chica, is that what you wore on the mission?” Yo-Yo asks her, surprised.</p><p>“You told me to take something from a specialist!”</p><p>Yo-Yo glances at Ward and back at Jemma. “Well, was it a success?”</p><p>“We got it, no problem,” Jemma says proudly. “And if I hadn’t been there, Ward would have taken the wrong one.”</p><p>“I would have figured it out,” Ward mutters.</p><p>“Where are you going?” Jemma asks them, concerned.</p><p>“My brother called,” Mack explains. “My mom is sick and he needs my help. It’s been a while since I’ve gone to see them.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jemma says.</p><p>“She keeps asking for my dad,” Mack says, shaking his head. “It’s breaking Ruben’s heart having to tell her over and over that he vanished.”</p><p>“That’s awful.”</p><p>“I finally get to meet his family,” Yo-Yo says. “I wish it was under better circumstances though.”</p><p>It was always just a matter of time before Mack and Elena got together. Jemma saw it coming a mile away. Jemma’s happy for them, but it often makes her sad to think about what could have been with Fitz. She loved his mom. She tried to find her after the Snap, but it seems she vanished, too.</p><p>“We should have gone a long time ago,” Mack says, full of regret. “I’ve been putting it off, even though I knew they needed me.”</p><p>“I hope everything turns out OK,” Ward says. “Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.”</p><p>“I will, thanks, man,” Mack says.</p><p>Jemma and Ward watch as they get on the quinjet.</p><p>“I wouldn’t have taken the wrong rock,” Ward mutters.</p><p>“Yes, you would have,” Jemma counters.</p><p>“Oh, because you have to have a PhD to see that this thing is alien?” Ward asks, holding up the glass case they are using to protect it. It’s got little specs of dirt that glow in the dark.</p><p>Jemma gives him a look, turns and walks toward the entrance to the base.</p><p>“I’m not an idiot!” he calls after her.</p><p>…</p><p>Jemma hangs up the phone and she still can’t believe it. Mack and Yo-Yo aren’t coming back.</p><p>Mack never wanted to be a SHIELD agent in the first place. He was a mechanic, a good one at that, and for the past few months he’s been working with his brother on the side. Now they’re opening their own shop. His mom is still a handful, and he doesn’t want to leave Ruben on his own. She planned for it to be a while until she saw them again, but now that Yo-Yo’s pregnant …</p><p>They want a chance at a normal life. Or as normal as it can get with Yo-Yo’s powers. She wanted to keep working with SHIELD, and Jemma knows she fully intended to,  but it’s too big of a risk now. She’s quite literally a moving target. It’s a shame to lose one of them, but to lose both is just devastating. She never would have expected them of all people to go.</p><p>Davis and Priya, she’s suspected all along. Why they’re still living at the base with their son Benji, she has no idea. It’s not like everyone is required to live on base. She figures it has something to do with Priya’s nerves. She likes being able to get updates on her specialist husband in real-time, and living in one of the most fortified places on Earth probably makes her feel safe. Still, a SHIELD base is no place for a child to grow up. Jemma’s expected them to up and leave any day now. But not Mack. Not Yo-Yo.</p><p>She’s at a loss.</p><p>“Hey, ready for lunch?” Ward asks, strutting into the lab. He must not have gotten the news yet. He’s in too good of a mood. He and Mack got close working together over the past year. They’ve had each others’ backs like good partners do. He’s been mopey with Mack out of town and she can’t imagine how grumpy he’ll be for the next week once he knows Mack’s plans.</p><p>“Give me 5?” she asks, going back to what she was working on before Mack’s call. Before Ward can plop down in a chair, his mobile rings and she winces when she hears “’Sup Mack!” He walks into the hallway to take the call more privately.</p><p>When he comes back in, he’s sulking.</p><p>“So you’ve heard?” she asks sympathetically.</p><p>“Yeah, what the hell?” he pouts. “I can’t believe he’s leaving me with Gardner of all people. I mean, does he even want me to make it to next month?”</p><p>“You’ll train him up and he’ll be just fine,” Jemma consoles him. “But it’s a real shame. If I’d known when they left that they wouldn’t be coming back …”</p><p>“You would have locked them in their quarters forever?”</p><p>“No, but I’d have at least given them both a hug!”</p><p>Ward sighs. “This blows.”</p><p>“Indeed,” she concurs. “At least it’s Wednesday …”</p><p>“It’s not going to be the same without Mack,” he sulks. The three of them had made going to lunch off base on Wednesdays their weekly ritual. It was a chance for them to complain about the director, stay connected and let loose a bit. The two of them have been going on their own with Mack gone, but Jemma wonders now if Ward will stop wanting to go. She knows they both look forward to it, but it suddenly seems odd to go somewhere with him one-on-one every week. She’s not sure why.</p><p>“Excuse me, have I not been adequate company for the past three months?”</p><p>“That depends. Are you going to tell on me if I have a beer at lunch?” he asks, eyeing her suspiciously.</p><p>“Not if that means I can have a glass of wine.”</p><p>“Well, well, well,” he grins, “it’s about time me and my bad influence rubbed off on you.”</p><p>…</p><p>Eleven Wednesdays later, they get even worse news. </p><p>Agent Burroughs runs their morning meeting, which means Director Mace isn’t at the Playground that day. Ward is in the lab promptly at noon to go to lunch, and because Jemma isn’t completely swamped and it’s a nice day, she lets their weekly jaunt drag on an extra hour than usual. They take the long way back and stop for ice cream. Ward’s is better so she ends up stealing his and making him eat her Butter Pecan. He doesn’t seem to mind.</p><p>And she hasn’t minded that they’ve kept this lunch for just the two of them all these months since Mack left. They could have easily asked Davis or Piper or even Evans to join them, but they didn’t. She actually enjoys having some time with him alone, and she suspects he feels the same. They have a history, mostly bad, but they’ve spent more than a year adding new, more pleasant memories.</p><p>When she and Ward return to the base, it’s like all hell has broken loose. They both check their phones immediately but neither has gotten an alert or an email that would explain why there are people huddled together and whispering in little groups around the base, some even crying. Jemma spots Davis outside the control room and he waves them over.</p><p>“What’s going on?” She and Ward ask at the same time.</p><p>“It’s Director Mace,” Davis explains. “He’s dead.”</p><p>“He – what?” Jemma asks. She looks at Priya, who is beside her husband, and she nods in confirmation while blinking back tears.</p><p>“The serum he was using, it was too hard on his heart.”</p><p>“I told him not to use that anymore!” Jemma laments. “For that very reason!”</p><p>“Yeah, but there was a bus full of people that needed his help,” Davis explains. “It’s all on video and it’s gone viral.”</p><p>“He died a hero,” Priya whispers. </p><p>A million thoughts are flying through Jemma’s mind but she does what Dr. Singh taught her and tries her best to process what she’s feeling. That method leads to her turning to Ward and sobbing into his shoulder. Ward pats her on the back a bit and she throws her arms around him. Understanding she needs the comfort, he folds her into his chest and holds onto her.</p><p>Davis is explaining more and Jemma only catches parts of the conversation. Something about Gen. Talbot and assessing protocols. She’s more focused on breathing in time with Ward’s heartbeat to calm herself down. Ward’s hand is rubbing tight circles on her back, soothing her, even as she hears an edge to his voice as he talks with Davis. </p><p>“They’re talking about dissolving SHIELD?!” Ward asks incredulously. Now that, she hears loud and clear.</p><p>“What?” she cries, reluctantly pulling herself out of Ward’s comforting arms to face Davis again. She wipes at her face with her sleeves. She recognizes that she has moved from sadness to anger. “They can’t! Can they?” She looks to Ward for answers. He’s glaring at the control room door and he looks <em>pissed</em>.</p><p>“Has anyone called Mack?” he asks.</p><p>“I tried him,” Davis says, “he still hasn’t called me back.”</p><p>“There’s no way we’re going to let Gen. Talbot come in and dictate how we’re going to move forward,” Ward says loudly.</p><p>A few of the other agents look over. “What are you going to do about it, Ward?” she hears Agent Evans call out. People are looking at Ward expectantly now. He turns to look down the hallway, which is lined with agents. Then he looks at Jemma and she nods her permission.</p><p>“We can’t let them annex us into the U.S. military,” he says loudly. “We’ve always been independent. There’s a reason for that. We are the first and last line of defense for <em>all</em> of humanity. Inhumanity now, too. That’s what Fury envisioned, and that’s what Coulson told me the day I met him. It’s why even though he left, he made sure Director Mackenzie was in charge so he could keep us away from these assholes.” He points toward the control room. “SHIELD is bigger than one man. None of us wanted Mace, but he earned our respect. I’m sorry he’s gone, but it’s given us a chance to take SHIELD back. I say, we go in there and demand to have it back in our hands.”</p><p>Jemma recognizes he’s at the end of his speech, so she claps loudly and is surprised when the whole room joins in. “Damn right!” Davis shouts and other agents also vocalize their support.</p><p>Ward turns to her and she sees terror in his eyes. “Did that sound OK?” he whispers self-consciously.</p><p>“You did great,” she says with a smile, patting him on the back. “But now you have to go in there. Are you sure you want to do that?”</p><p>“Yes?” he asks rather than says, grimacing so only she and the Davises can see. “I mean, yes!” He nods his head with new resolve. “Yes, I’m going to go in there … and say … what should I say?” He’s looking at her again for answers.</p><p>“That they can’t dissolve SHIELD,” she prompts him.</p><p>“Right,” he says, steeling his confidence. He stands up straighter and turns back around. He lifts his hand for quiet and shouts out, “Agents of SHIELD. Who’s like us?”</p><p>“Damn few!” the whole room responds.</p><p>That gives him the boost he needs and he charges toward the door, opening it fearlessly, and letting it slam behind him.</p><p>…</p><p>She can’t fucking believe that Grant Ward is the new director of SHIELD. She has the thought that maybe it’s what he wanted all along. That he has somehow been playing the long game for almost three years, biding his time until he can wrest control and turn SHIELD into HYDRA 2.0.</p><p>But that’s not the Grant Ward she’s come to know.</p><p>The Grant Ward who took her to Sheffield when he definitely didn’t have to. The Grant Ward who is an amazing uncle to Tommy and now, little Benji, too. The Grant Ward who knocks on her lab door every night at 6 to remind her to eat dinner, just in case she’s lost track of time. (And when he’s not there, makes sure there’s someone else to do it.) The Grant Ward who’s now saved three times as many people than he’s killed, and keeps track of them. The Grant Ward who encouraged her to stop repressing her bad memories and face her demons. The Grant Ward who still goes to lunch with her every Wednesday, even when it’s snowing or he’s in a bad mood.</p><p>No, this Grant Ward <em>should</em> be the director. She tells him as much when he calls her up to his office on his first day.</p><p>“That’s nice of you to say,” he says, nearly blushing, “but I never asked for this. I thought for sure Mack would come back and take over instead. I can’t believe it was a unanimous vote.” </p><p>“It’s true,” she affirms, “I’m proud of you.”</p><p>“Thanks,” he says. “But we still have a long way to go if we want to rebuild SHIELD the right way.”</p><p>“We?” she asks.</p><p>“Of course! I need your help, Simmons! I still need you to keep an eye on me.” He grins at her and she rolls her eyes.</p><p>“Dr. Simmons, you can’t roll your eyes at your boss. That’s just not done,” he teases.</p><p>She groans. “I didn’t even think of that. You’re my boss now. That’s so weird.”</p><p>“You can call me ‘sir’ if you want, that might help you ease into it,” he teases further.</p><p>“The day I call you ‘sir’ is probably as likely as the day I start calling you ‘Grant.’”</p><p>“Oh, that sounds so nice in your accent. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that before?”</p><p>“What? Grant?”</p><p>“It really rolls off the tongue doesn’t it? Now repeat after me: <em>sir</em>.”</p><p>“Ward,” she says, narrowing her eyes. “I <em>am</em> going to keep an eye on you and if you continue your little power trip, there will be a mutiny.”</p><p>“Is that a promise?” he asks earnestly.</p><p>“Of course,” she answers.</p><p>“Good,” he nods. “In all seriousness, we need to get back to basics. None of these stupid color coded levels and ridiculous job titles.”</p><p>“Back to basics,” she nods, and counters, “but better. This is also an opportunity, Ward. To build something better. The world has changed and we need to adapt. We need to focus on what unites us all. The last few years have taught us that.”</p><p>Ward starts to nod like he has an idea. She knows the look in his eye well, though it’s typically used for mischief.</p><p>“Something better,” he mutters, and she sees the moment the connections click in his mind. “There’s something I saw in Fury’s toolbox.”</p><p>“You’ve looked at it already?” she asks, surprised.</p><p>“Are you kidding? I’ve wanted to see what’s inside of it for like 15 years, and oh boy, did it live up to the hype.”</p><p>Jemma raises her eyebrows. “What did you see?”</p><p>He starts to get more animated as he scribbles on a piece of paper. “Fury had this idea. He wanted to start separate organization that would focus on threats <em>to</em> Earth as a whole, while leaving SHIELD to threats <em>on</em> Earth. But now, they’re basically one in the same.” He’s doodling a little ball for Earth and little lines attacking it. It’s really not any better than one of her little cousin’s drawings. Then he writes five letters across the bottom of the page: S.W.O.R.D.</p><p>“SWORD?” she asks. “What’s that stand for?”</p><p>“I don’t remember,” he shrugs. “It’s probably just as ridiculous an acronym as SHIELD. But it stuck in my mind because it made me think, we don’t just need a SHIELD anymore. We need a SWORD. Because Thanos isn’t going to be the last alien that comes here and tries to fuck with us. We need to be prepared next time.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>The day goes by quickly. There’s so much to do, so much to prepare for. Jemma finally hits a tipping point where she is more nervous that the Avengers won’t be successful than that they will be. There’s a palpable excitement in the air on the base, and she’d hate for everyone to be disappointed and newly devastated.</p><p>She calls her Aunt Lily in the afternoon.</p><p>“Oh hello Jemma dear, how’s the baby?” she asks.</p><p>“All’s good, thanks,” Jemma tells her. “Two months to go, I can hardly believe it.”</p><p>“Time flies!” she says. “Rosie’s eleventh birthday party is this weekend. It seems like just yesterday she was in nappies …”</p><p>“Did you get the present I sent?”</p><p>“Yes, I did, I will bring it along with me on Saturday.”</p><p>“Good,” Jemma says. “But that’s not exactly why I called. I have something to tell you, but I need you to swear you won’t tell anybody else.”</p><p>“Jemma, you’re scaring me. What’s the matter, dear?”</p><p>“You have to swear first.”</p><p>“Are you having twins?” she asks excitedly.</p><p>“No, Aunt Lily.”</p><p>“Triplets?!” she asked incredulously.</p><p>“Aunt Lily, I need you to promise.”</p><p>“I can’t promise without knowing what you’re talking about!”</p><p>“Then put Uncle Richard on instead. I need to know this isn’t going to get out. It’s confidential.”</p><p>“Richie!” she hears Aunt Lily call. “You don’t want to tell me, dear. Half of Sheffield will know by morning … Oh, there you are. Richie, Jemma has something top secret to tell me ... Well, of course, I told her I wouldn’t be able to hold it in. Here, you listen to it and if you think I can handle it, tell me. I hope it’s twins!”</p><p>“Hello?” he asks.</p><p>“Hi Uncle Richard, how are you doing?”</p><p>“I’m fine, I’m fine. Retirement is treating me well. And you? How’s that husband of yours, is he still cheating at Scrabble?”</p><p>Jemma laughs loudly. “Always, Uncle Richard. Always. But yes, we’re good, the baby’s good. We have a very big day tomorrow and I shouldn’t be telling you about it, but I want you to be prepared just in case.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“You have to swear you won’t tell a soul, it’s very important that nobody finds out in case it doesn’t work.”</p><p>“I swear, Jemma, but I’m sorry – what works?”</p><p>“You know how I’m acquainted with the Avengers? I have been privy to some developments regarding the Decimation.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“You might want to sit down for this.”</p><p>“Are they finally … is it …”</p><p>“Yes, if you’re suspecting that they’re going to reverse what Thanos did five years ago, that is the plan.”</p><p>“Oh my God,” he gasps. “But … but how? And what …?”</p><p>“I know; we all have the same questions. Unfortunately, we won’t know what to expect until it happens.”</p><p>“This is … how do you know about this?”</p><p>“That’s not important, but I need you do a favor for me.”</p><p>“A favor?”</p><p>“I need you and Aunt Lily to make sure my parents are all right, if it works. If they come back.”</p><p>“But of course, dear,” he says. “Though I’ll have to see it to believe it.”</p><p>“Can you go by the house tomorrow? Maybe tell Elizabeth and Eddie that you want to see Rosie before her birthday. Bring Aunt Lily, too?”</p><p>“I can think of something, I guess.”</p><p>“I’d appreciate it. If all goes to plan, they’re going to be very confused to see their niece living in their house.”</p><p>“This is incredible!” he says. “And I can’t tell anyone?”</p><p>“You swore, Uncle Richard!”</p><p>“I know, I know,” he mumbles.</p><p>“I’ll phone as soon as I can afterward,” she explains. “But it’s going to be a busy day … if it works.”</p><p>“I can imagine,” he says before muttering again, “Incredible. Just incredible.”</p><p>“Is it twins?” she hears Aunt Lily shout from the next room.</p><p>She laughs. “Thanks Uncle Richard, I knew I could count on you.”</p><p>“Take care, dear.”</p><p>She hangs up and feels much better about choosing Gloucestershire over Sheffield. She wishes she could be in more than one place at the same time tomorrow when it happens, so she can be there to welcome back all the people she loves. She just hopes Uncle Richard sticks to his word.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We're getting closer to the end! This is sort of the penultimate chapter before the two chapters you have probably been waiting for since you started this story :) Thanks so much for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>“Thanks again for helping me with this, Simmons,” Ward says as she sits down at a table in a small conference room.</p><p>“It’s no problem and I’m flattered, but why me?”</p><p>“Why did I make you join my SWORD handbook task force?” She nods. “That’s an easy one – I’ve never met anyone so obsessed with following the rules.” He smirks at her.</p><p>“Ha ha,” she says sarcastically, rolling her eyes.</p><p>“I mean, I’m kidding but … I’m also being serious. You’re like an encyclopedia when it comes to this stuff. You can even remember the exact numbers for protocols. There’s no one I could think of that would be better at this than you.”</p><p>“Oh,” Jemma blushes. “Thanks.”</p><p>“And Evans of course, he remembers all the HYDRA stuff.”</p><p>Jemma raises her eyebrows. “You want to incorporate HYDRA policies into the handbook?”</p><p>“The people in HYDRA were there because they were the type of people who didn’t follow rules,” he shrugs. “But that doesn't mean it was all bad.”</p><p>“Well I’m glad I’ll be here to help you tell the difference,” Jemma says coolly. “Unless you’ve had your sights on making this HYDRA 2.0?”</p><p>Ward looks offended. “I would never, Simmons. I just want to do what you said when we had the idea: make SWORD into something better.”</p><p>She eyes him skeptically, then nods. At least he’s giving her some of the credit. </p><p>Agent Evans bursts through the door a second later. “Sorry I’m late!” he says, carrying two coffees. He places one in front of Ward. “Director.” He looks over at Jemma. “Sorry, did you want one, too?” he asks considerately.</p><p>“No, I’m fine, thanks,” she smiles at him.</p><p>Evans takes his seat, pulls out a notebook and pen, and looks at Ward expectantly. Jemma also turns to Ward and he suddenly looks a bit nervous under their scrutiny.</p><p>“Right,” he says finally, as if remembering he is now the boss. He passes them each a binder with the old SHIELD handbook, then another with Coulson’s revised version. Then a handout of things he remembered from HYDRA. “I thought we could start with reviewing these line by line.”</p><p>“But that will take hours,” Jemma says, frowning.</p><p>“More like days,” Ward corrects. “But I want to do it right. Let’s start with two hours today, and we’ll take it from there.”</p><p>Evans nods enthusiastically. He pulls his own handout from his notebook and passes copies to Jemma and Ward. “This is more from what I remember from HYDRA,” he says. “Minus all the ‘it’s cool to murder people’ parts.”</p><p>Ward and Jemma can’t help but laugh. “Shall we begin?” the director asks.</p><p>…</p><p>One week later and they’re still hashing out the finer details. Jemma and Evans share the philosophy of spelling everything out with rigid rules and regulations, while Ward wants to keep things more flexible and open to interpretation based on circumstances.</p><p>“I like the wording of that,” Ward says, pacing the front of the room while tossing a foam football between his hands. “But could we simplify it?”</p><p>“You say that about everything,” Jemma groans.</p><p>“It’s just the more we talk about the rules, the more I realize how many of them were … stupid.”</p><p>Evans laughs while Jemma rolls here eyes. “You’re <em>the director</em> now. You need to take this seriously.”</p><p>“I am!” Ward defends. “And I seriously think we need to keep things flexible.”</p><p>“That’s not how rules work.”</p><p>“Fine, we’ll come back to this one. What’s next?”</p><p>Evans turns the page in the original SHIELD handbook. “Anti-fraternization rules.”</p><p>“Speaking of stupid rules …” Ward laughs.</p><p>“For the safety of all agents working in a unit,” Evans reads, “no two agents engaged in a romantic relationship will be allowed to work together. Agents must especially be separated while working in the field as emotional entanglements could jeopardize the integrity of the mission.”</p><p>“That makes sense,” Jemma nods.</p><p>Ward frowns. “No, that’s total bullshit. What did Coulson’s rules say?”</p><p>Evans flips through the binder from the revised SHIELD handbook. “Wow, this is long. Let me paraphrase … Basically, it’s up to the discretion of the supervisor as long as there isn’t a clear and present danger to the well-being of the team.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s much better,” Ward says. He sees the frown on Jemma’s face. “What?”</p><p>“It’s nothing,” she says, shaking her head. Evans is looking at her now, too. “Well, it’s just … Fitz and I …” She takes a breath before she continues. She hasn’t spoken about him in a while, and something about this conversation is bringing up some of her old feelings. She doesn’t want to break down into tears. “On one hand, we worked so well as a team. It would have never made sense to split us up. On the other, we were compromised emotionally. Especially on our last mission, as you both witnessed.”</p><p>She studies them, feeling like she needs to explain further. Ward has stopped pacing. He has his hands on the back of the chair across from her, probably internally debating whether he should sit down.</p><p>“Fitz was willing to risk the fate of humanity so Ward would stop torturing me,” she says quietly. “I wouldn’t ever want to put our agents into that position.” She catches Ward’s eye and he nods at her.</p><p>“Not to mention how horrible it was between us when he thought I didn’t return his feelings. Relationship drama is a real impediment to productivity.”</p><p>Ward finally pulls back the chair and sits down. “So what do you recommend?”</p><p>“I don't know,” she shakes her head. “I just want us to look at it from all angles. What was the HYDRA policy?”</p><p>Evans checks through what he and Ward pieced together before they started and shakes his head. “They didn’t have one.”</p><p>“The thing I keep thinking is … don’t we want our agents to have <em>lives</em>?” Ward asks, looking between the two of them.</p><p>Jemma can’t help but snort, and the men give her confused looks. “Oh, what, like we do? When was the last time you went on a date?”</p><p>They answer at the same time. “I don’t have to answer that.” “Last night actually.”</p><p>Jemma and Ward both whip their heads in Evans’ direction. “Last night?” They ask in unison.</p><p>Evans goes red. “Yeah … I mean … we’re allowed to. Aren’t we?”</p><p>“Good for you!” “Yes, of course.” Ward and Jemma answer, respectively.</p><p>“I’m just going to go … get a glass of water,” Evans sputters. He makes a hasty exit from the room.</p><p>Jemma and Ward look at each other and laugh.</p><p>“I think he’s hiding something,” Ward says suspiciously.</p><p>“No more than you, Mr. ‘I Don’t Have to Answer That.’”</p><p>“Well, I don’t,” Ward says seriously. “I’m <em>the director</em> now.” She rolls her eyes. “And what about you?”</p><p>“Me?” she asks incredulously.</p><p>“Yeah, when was the last time you went out with someone?”</p><p>Now it’s her turn to be flustered. “I um … well you see … I’m so busy …”</p><p>“That long?” he raises his eyebrows at her.</p><p>“It’s quite hard to meet someone new! You know how it is, we never get a break.”</p><p>“Are you saying,” he looks at her quizzically, “that you haven’t gone out with anyone since Will and Fitz?”</p><p>She blushes and looks away, which seems to say it all. He winces. “Oh, Jemma,” he says with care. “I’m sorry I pushed you. I kind of figured, since we never talk about that stuff. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”</p><p>“It’s OK,” she says, trying not to tear up. “I know it’s been more than two years, and I should put myself out there … but every time my mind goes there, I just get terrified and put a stop to it.”</p><p>“Dating is hard,” he nods empathetically. “Even when you haven’t lost the love of your life.”</p><p>She knows he’s talking about Kara now, so she asks, “does it ever get any easier?”</p><p>“I hope so,” he considers. “I think, probably, if you meet the right person.”</p><p>“And you haven’t?” she asks.</p><p>He shakes his head sadly. “There’s been nobody serious, but I have had some fun once in a while.” He smirks at her.</p><p>“Anyone I would know?” she asks, intrigued.</p><p>“Um, probably,” he says guiltily. “But a gentleman never kisses and tells.”</p><p>She looks at him, shocked, and they start laughing. For how long they’ve been good friends, this subject has always been mysteriously off limits. She thinks about his choice of words, about having fun once in a while and she accidentally expresses her thought out loud, “I could use to have a little fun sometimes, too.”</p><p>He looks at her with raised eyebrows. “Agent Simmons!” he says, feigning outrage.</p><p>She blushes but it feels like the cork is already out of the bottle. “I’m so pathetic, Ward. It’s been <em>so long</em>.” She runs her hands over her face.</p><p>His eyebrows are shooting off his forehead now but he’s smirking at her. “Simmons, you know if you want to ‘have a little fun,’ there are plenty of options. All you’d have to do is snap your fingers.” Before adding guiltily, “oops, poor choice of words.”</p><p>“Oh my God.” She puts her hands over her eyes, mortified. “I can’t believe we’re talking about this.”</p><p>“Simmons, you’re a doctor,” he chastises. “You should know that an active sex life is healthy.”</p><p>She groans. “Ward, this is so embarrassing.”</p><p>“If you’re worried about betraying Fitz’s memory, I think he’d be OK with you getting laid once in a while,” he teases.</p><p>“I’m more worried about …” she starts, but then she snaps her mouth shut.</p><p>“What?” he presses.</p><p>“Well,” she looks at him, knowing it’s a bad idea to confide in him but she’s going to do it anyway. “I’ve managed to bottle it all up for so long, I’m afraid if I let it out …”</p><p>She doesn’t finish and Ward laughs at her. “What? You’ll become a sex maniac?”</p><p>“It’s not funny!” she says, smacking his arm.</p><p>“I thought you fixed the repressed emotions thing with Dr. Singh?” he asks, a little concerned.</p><p>“We did!” she answers. “I only see her once a month now. But with all the other things we talked about, sex never made the list.”</p><p>“Well, you could talk to her about it … or you could just go out and do it?” he suggets.</p><p>“I don’t even know how to flirt anymore,” she admits with a laugh. “It’s been so long.”</p><p>“Jemma, you’re a beautiful and kind genius, I think you can figure it out.” He catches her eye and gives her a reassuring smile.</p><p>Evans comes back into the room with his glass of water. “So, what did I miss?”</p><p>…</p><p>They finally roll out the SWORD handbook a month later, and Jemma is proud of what they have to present to the agents. The entire process confirmed to her that Ward is going to make an excellent director. Despite his desire to throw the rules out the window, he was passionate about guidelines that would help the agents both in and out of the field. He’s learned so much since she first met him, and he has truly earned his role as a leader.</p><p>Some of the agents gripe about learning a whole new set of regulations. And even about the name of the organization in general, unsure of why things had to change so drastically. Director Ward calls a meeting in the hangar – the only place that’ll fit everyone stationed at the Playground.</p><p>Jemma is standing between Priya and Piper, waiting for things to start. They’re talking about something but she’s listening to the idle chitchat of the other agents, hoping she doesn’t hear too many complaints about the handbook she worked so hard to perfect. She sees Agent Evans holding hands with his new boyfriend, and quietly wonders whether that’s why he fought so hard not to go back to anti-fraternization rules.</p><p>The conversation dies down in the room as Director Ward walks in. He’s flanked by Agents Billy Koenig and Roxy Glass, his top advisors. What startles her more than the entire room looking at him respectfully as the new SHIELD director is something she hasn’t seen in a long time: Grant Ward in a suit. He looks <em>good</em>.</p><p>This isn’t exactly the first time she’s been turned on by the sight of him. Back in the old days on the Bus, she had him shirtless on an exam table more than a few times and she’s only human. It’s just that it’s been happening a lot more lately, and it’s getting harder and harder to ignore.</p><p>Ever since that first conversation about anti-fraternization rules, she’s started to feel like she is finally ready to start dating again. But not just anyone. She doesn’t want to have a one-night stand with someone she’s met at a bar. She’s finally ready to admit that the only person who’s drawn her attention since Fitz is Fitz’s worst enemy. Fitz <em>definitely</em> wouldn’t want her to move on if it meant acting on her feelings for Ward, of all people.</p><p>Of course she didn’t tell Ward that, but what she said about being terrified was also true. She lost two men she loved in the exact same second. The thought of loving someone new only to lose them has been a long-held conversation topic with Dr. Singh.</p><p>She hasn’t been able to vocalize her attraction to Ward to anyone, not even herself. It’s just moments like these, when he’s standing so confidently in front of the room wearing a well-tailored black suit, that she can’t deny something is there. Something that puts butterflies in her stomach and starts a pulse between her thighs. She shakes her head a little to stop her thoughts from escalating.</p><p>“You OK?” Priya asks.</p><p>“Yes,” she breathes out. “He looks quite smart in that suit, doesn’t he?” She looks over and Priya is smirking at her. “What?”</p><p>“Oh, nothing …” Priya says, glancing at Piper.</p><p>Director Ward puts his hands up for everyone to stop talking and after a few moments, the room goes silent.</p><p>“Thank you all for being here today. I’m sure most of you remember me from SHIELD or HYDRA … but those days are over. We used to fight for things and over things that don’t even matter anymore. As you’re all painfully aware, half of the universe was wiped out in an instant and now we’re all on the same side. I’m really proud of what we’ve built here together, and as a wise colleague told me: we now have the opportunity to build something better than before.</p><p>“We started with a new name: SWORD. Director Fury had the idea first. We don’t know what threat to expect next, but we need to be ready. We can’t keep fighting amongst each other when there are worse things targeting Earth.</p><p>“I had the pleasure of rewriting our agent handbook with Agents Danny Evans and Dr. Jemma Simmons, which was reviewed by Agents Koenig and Glass. My main objective was to simplify it and make it more flexible, because things keep getting more complicated and the world can be changed in an instant. I need all of you to read the handbook and understand it. To know what we stand for as an organization. We need to work together. Because together, we are unstoppable.”</p><p>The room claps for him when he’s finished and he nods toward Koenig. She doesn’t listen to the next part. Her eyes remain on Ward. She’s overwhelmed by what she’s feeling inside and she starts the exercise that Dr. Singh taught her to process what she’s feeling in the moment. She’s proud – proud of Ward and proud that he recognized her efforts. She’s a little bit horny – <em>I mean, look at him in that suit.</em> But most of all, she feels like her heart is bursting. It’s love. She’s in love with Grant Ward.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>Jemma wakes up in her husband’s arms and is frankly surprised she got any sleep at all – considering where she’s at in the stage of her pregnancy and that today is The Day. She tries to smoothly get out from Grant’s arms until she realizes he’s awake already anyway.</p><p>“Morning,” she says, touching his cheek. He turns his head to kiss her palm. “Did you get any sleep?”</p><p>“Some,” he says. “Not enough.”</p><p>“I wish we could stay here today.”</p><p>“No you don’t,” he says knowingly.</p><p>She sighs. “You’re right, I don’t. But I wish you weren’t going to be in so much danger. There’s so much to worry about today already.”</p><p>He pulls her closer and puts his forehead against hers. “I love you so much. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure we’re back in this bed tonight. And hopefully everything will go so well that we both get a full night’s sleep again.”</p><p>“I don’t know if that’s possible,” she whispers. He pulls back from her with a worried look and she smiles reassuringly. “Your son likes to do cartwheels at night. I’ve read it won’t get any better till he comes out.”</p><p>Grant laughs, rolling onto his back and pulling her to lay on his chest. “And then we <em>definitely</em> won’t be sleeping through the night.”</p><p>“I know we’re having a moment, but I really have to pee,” she says point-blank. Grant laughs again. She rolls clumsily off of him so she can sit up and push herself off the mattress. But before she goes to the bathroom, she turns back to him. “I love you, too. And we <em>will</em> be back in this bed tonight so that one of us can get a full night’s sleep.” He smiles at her and she blows him a kiss before heading to the loo.</p><p>When they go to breakfast, she feels the entire base pulsing with positive energy. The mess hall is loud and full of hope. She’s once again struck by the strong feeling to protect everyone in case this doesn’t work out. She and Grant sit down with May and Coulson.</p><p>“You guys ready?” Coulson asks.</p><p>Grant and Jemma share a look. “As we’ll ever be,” Jemma says with a smile.</p><p>“Who are you sending to Wakanda?”</p><p>“Actually, we got a couple of outside contractors for that,” Grant says with a smile. “They should be here any minute.”</p><p>As if on cue, Alphonso Mackenzie and Lance Hunter walk through the mess hall doors. Grant waves them over.</p><p>“Phil Coulson and Melinda May, as I live and breathe,” Hunter says playfully, pulling them each into an unwanted hug.</p><p>“And where the hell have you been?” May asks with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“The new management recognized talent when he saw it,” he says. “Hi love,” he turns to Jemma and pulls her into a hug. “By the way, Hunter would be a wonderful name for your little boy.”</p><p>“Noted,” she smiles at him. She pulls Mack into a hug next while Hunter explains his work in the small London base they opened a year prior.</p><p>“It took a lot of groveling and begging and money from this chap,” Hunter says, clapping Ward on the back. “But after a year or so, I finally gave in.”</p><p>“How are you doing Mack?” Jemma asks the big guy.</p><p>“Oh, things are going well. Sofia’s been kind of a terror, want to see some pictures?”</p><p>“Always,” Jemma answers. While he pulls out his phone, Grant joins them.</p><p>“Thanks for doing this, man,” Grant tells him.</p><p>“Of course,” Mack says, glancing up from his phone with a smile. “Though it sounds like you’ve gone easy on me if all I have to do is walk back to the same spot I was in 5 years ago. I would have come out of retirement for a lot worse.”</p><p>“Well, you’ll be missing your dad,” Jemma says. “We appreciate your help today.”</p><p>“Is this whole thing really going to work?” he asks skeptically.</p><p>Jemma and Grant both shrug. “We need to be prepared for any outcome,” Grant says.</p><p>Mack holds up a picture of his and Yo-Yo’s daughter Sofia. “Awwwww,” Jemma coos. Grant rubs his hand on the small of her back.</p><p>They all sit down at the table and finish their breakfast before going off on their individual missions: Jemma and Grant to Gloucestershire, England; Coulson to Cape Town; May to Shanghai; and Mack and Hunter to Wakanda.</p><p>Jemma and Grant arrive at their location first. They have three tactical teams. One team will be in charge of the inhumans rematerializing in the ATCU pods; one will be in the monolith chamber with Ward; and one will be placed strategically around the castle for any other HYDRA agents lingering in the halls. Jemma will stay in a cloaked zephyr with Evans and a few more agents until the coast is clear.</p><p>Before Grant goes to take his position, she pulls him aside.</p><p>“I know I’ve said it like 20 times already today, but I love you and please be careful and please come back to me in one piece,” she says tearfully.</p><p>“I will,” he says confidently. He puts his hand over her belly. “We are both going to do what we can to keep our baby boy safe, OK?”</p><p>“Oliver,” she says quickly.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I want to name him Oliver,” she explains. “I just like it, I don’t know. What do you think?”</p><p>“Oliver,” he repeats. “Oliver Ward. I like it, too.”</p><p>She smiles at him. “Good.”</p><p>A crackle comes over Grant’s comms. Koenig is back at the Playground coordinating the entire day’s missions so Grant doesn’t have too many people talking in his ear at once. He’s only connected to Koenig and the agents on the ground in Gloucestershire.</p><p>“Sir, the Avengers say the mission is a go. T-minus 30 minutes,” Koenig says.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Warning: This chapter is only a “THEN” and it includes explicit sexual content.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>Working closely with Director Ward in his office becomes a regular occurrence. She shouldn’t have been surprised that he’d want her science and technology expertise after her role under Director Mace. What does surprise her is that the feeling she had two months ago hasn’t gone away; it’s only gotten worse. <em>Why does he have to wear suits all the time? </em>She liked it better when he looked like a brute in his black tactical gear, even though those outfits generally accentuated his toned muscles and she had no complaints about that, either.</p><p><em>No, stop it.</em> She wonders if he’s been able to tell what she thinks about when she’s spacing out in the middle of one of their conversations, staring at his mouth while he’s talking and wondering what he tastes like. She feels so guilty all the time that she is objectifying a man she’s come to think of as a close friend and trusted leader. But she can’t help it! He’s <em>hot</em>. That’s been true since the day she met him and it’s come raring back to the front of her mind now that she’s fully admitted to herself how much she wants him. </p><p>“Would you like to get a drink sometime?” Ward blurts the words out and it catches her completely off guard. They’re sitting side by side at a conference table in the middle of discussing plans for the third commemoration of the Decimation. <em>He can’t mean …</em></p><p>“A drink?” she asks slowly. <em>Did he somehow learn how to read minds? Does he know what she’s been thinking about for the past five minutes? </em></p><p>“Yeah I mean, you know, we go to lunch every week … but we never really get to go out-out. Just the two of us.”</p><p>“Hmm, drinks,” she confirms again. “Like a …”</p><p>“Date,” he confirms. He hesitates. “You and me.” </p><p>“Grant Ward, are you finally asking me out?” she teases, leaning toward him.</p><p>“Jemma Simmons,” he looks perplexed, “what do you mean <em>finally</em>?”</p><p>She licks her lips and leans even closer, getting just close enough for their mouths to graze. She looks up at him and waits for him to close the distance, and he does so enthusiastically. It feels like they’ve been building up to this for ages. It’s a lot of pressure for a first kiss, and she almost wishes she was seeing fireworks in her eyes right now but it’s actually kind of strange kissing Ward. Nice, but strange. He turns his head slightly and deepens the kiss. OK, more than nice.</p><p>Her hands slide up his arms to his shoulders and she presses herself into him. His hands find her hip and the small of her back. He whimpers into her mouth and she smiles because she almost does the same. She’s been wanting to do this for a long time, and it feels good. It feels right.</p><p>Her head is spinning and the biological urges she’s been suppressing for so long are waking up inside of her. She doesn’t want the kiss to end. She wants to touch every part of his body and have him explore hers, too. They’ve waited long enough.</p><p>She pulls back so she can whisper in a low voice, “what do you think about breakfast instead?”</p><p>…</p><p>Dating the director isn’t as hot as it should be.</p><p>Their first night together was truly a night of passion. Just the sound of her whispering his first name seemed to drive him wild – but not as much as when she moaned it. When they weren’t talking, revealing just how long they’d both been denying their feelings and confessing their most romantic (or frankly, dirtiest) thoughts to each other, their mouths were on each other’s bodies. There was sex. There was fucking. There was making love. They did all three. They didn’t get a minute of sleep, both too high on the adrenaline.</p><p>In the morning, they could barely function. They were both sore from overuse. Out of each other’s arms, their adrenaline was shot. Director Ward almost ordered a tactical team to walk straight into an ambush in the afternoon. Dr. Simmons nearly contaminated an experiment she had been running for a month. When they saw each other that night they regrettably agreed to never do <em>that</em> again. Oh, but they were definitely going to have sex again – that was never in question. Just not all night when they need to work in the morning. They are both too responsible to make that mistake again.  </p><p>It was also never in question that they were going to move forward in a relationship together. They talked about it at length that first night and agreed they’d known each other too long to play silly dating games. Their jobs are also too demanding to be anything but all-in.</p><p>Though one could argue living on base was basically living together already, barely a month into their relationship she had all but moved into his quarters – if she didn’t sleep there, she would barely see him outside of the control room – and they settled into a routine from there. When Grant got up at 5:30, she would talk to him as he got ready for the gym. Sometimes he even convinced her to go with him, but most of the time she’d go back to bed. He’d wake her up at 7, and they’d go to breakfast together before splitting off for work.</p><p>He always cleared his calendar for Wednesday lunch, but she typically didn’t see him during the day unless she was needed for a mission. His job was never exactly done, so he had to force a hard stop every night at 9. Unless there was a mission in progress, which there often was. That typically left about an hour in the evening for them to spend time together, and they usually cuddled on the couch watching TV until one of them fell asleep.</p><p>And that’s why, two days after the six-month anniversary they both forgot, Jemma made a plan to add some spice back into their relationship. Or maybe for the first time … They’re both quite serious people. No one would refer to either of them as “funny.” For the three and some years they’ve been working together again, their relationship has been professional and respectful, almost polite. Not to say they’ve never challenged each other, or gotten into a heated argument during a mission. But transitioning into a romantic relationship has not been seamless. Despite their commitment to making it work, they still have things to figure out.</p><p>She sometimes fantasizes he’ll come find her in his quarters after 9, hot and bothered from seeing her during the day and not being able to touch her. That he’d rip off her clothes and throw her on the bed, before ravaging her to satisfy their animalistic needs. In reality, he’s usually quite tired when he strolls in at 9:05 – if that early. He carries the weight of the world with him into the room and he looks at her like she’s a sight for sore eyes. Her instinct becomes to comfort him – hold him close or give a light massage to his feet or tensed shoulders.</p><p>Not tonight though. Tonight, she wants the fantasy.</p><p>She bought the lingerie a while ago and has been too embarrassed to break it out till now. Priya dragged her to Victoria’s Secret a few months ago when they were at the mall, insisting Jemma needed a few sexy pieces in her wardrobe now that she was finally, <em>finally</em> dating Grant. Apparently everyone knew it was bound to happen, except for them.</p><p>Jemma kept the lingerie hidden in the dresser in her own room, which she still had despite sleeping full time in the director’s much larger accommodations. Last week they needed the space for a new specialist they’d brought on, and the way Grant smirked at her when he asked, “How about it? Want to make it official?”, made her immediately answer yes to giving up her own space. Only later did she go into a mini panic about <em>actually</em> moving in with him, calming down after downing two bottles of wine with Priya and Piper while they helped her pack.</p><p>She’d forgotten she even had the lingerie, and can’t remember now why she’d bought the red one at all. She puts on the piece she feels most comfortable in: a white lace, see-through yet tasteful babydoll dress. There’s no need to wear a bra with it, even though her nipples are just visible through the lacy flowered pattern. She wears the matching thong, though. Just the act of putting on the lingerie turns her on and when she spins in the mirror, she imagines Grant will have a similar reaction.</p><p>She puts her bathrobe on over it so she can surprise him. She curled her hair that morning and her make-up has stayed in place, so she only has to brush a pink gloss on her lips to complete the look. She waits for him on the couch, pretending to be absorbed in a true-crime documentary and counting down the seconds till he comes home.</p><p>When he walks in the door at 9:15, he is practically beaming at her. His grin is infectious and she smiles back at him when he plops down on the couch next to her.</p><p>“Hi,” he says. He leans over and gives her a quick peck before putting his arm around her.</p><p>“Hi … ” she responds. She’s not sure why he’s in such a good mood, but she likes it.</p><p>“What are you watching?” he asks.</p><p>“Oh nothing,” she says, turning off the TV. She turns to look at him and he seems a bit nervous.</p><p>“It seems a bit early for you to be ready for bed?” he asks.</p><p>“Oh, I’m ready,” she says flirtatiously.</p><p>“Would you mind something else instead?”</p><p>“Well now that you’ve asked …” she says. She stands up and tugs his hand to pull him over to the bed. He looks at her curiously but follows her lead. She grabs his shoulders and pushes him down.</p><p>“I was thinking about what to get you for our six-month anniversary,” she says, standing between his legs with her hands on his thighs. “Would you like to unwrap your gift?” She takes the belt from her robe and twirls it in her hand before handing it to him.</p><p>“Jemma, what’s …?” he asks, his eyes roving over her robe. He unties the belt and opens it slightly. His eyes widen and that’s from only seeing a sliver of her lingerie. She throws the robe off her shoulders so he can get the full view. “Holy shit,” he whispers in awe.</p><p>She takes his hand into the air and lets him spin her slowly in a circle in front of him. She hears a whimper and feels his fingertips graze her bum when he sees her thong. Then she’s back in front of him. He seems to have gone into shock; his eyes don’t know where to look.</p><p>She puts her hands back onto his thighs and slowly walks forward until she can push into his already hardened cock. “How do you want me, Grant? I’m all yours.” His nostrils flare and his mouth drops open. “You can touch me, you know. Anywhere you want.”</p><p>His hands grab her ass eagerly, and then they’re everywhere. His lips find hers and he pulls her closer. He’s still probably in shock because all he can say is “Jemma,” moaned between kisses, over and over.</p><p>He pulls her hungrily into his lap, running his hands up her thighs and to her breasts. He yanks the cups of the bodice down so they’re exposed and he teases them with his fingertips before moving his mouth off her lips to suck on her nipples.</p><p>Jemma gasps and her head falls back, pushing her chest into his talented mouth. This is exactly the reaction from him that made her wet just thinking about, and with her clit pressing into his hard cock, still in his trousers, she feels like she might come before their clothes are even off. Her hands clasp his hips while she grinds into him. He continues his worship of her breasts, alternating his hands and mouth. Her arousal had been building before he even got home, so it doesn’t take long before she climaxes in his lap.</p><p>“Fuck,” he whispers into her cleavage. Her chest is wet from his tongue, and her cunt is too, from pure desire. She feels overheated and wanton and oh, so good.</p><p>He pulls her off his lap and takes another look at her. “Jemma,” he seems to have gathered enough control to form a sentence, “you look so fucking sexy in this.”</p><p>“Happy anniversary,” she says, pulling him to his feet. “Now let’s get you how I want you.” He kisses her deeply while she unbuttons his shirt, making it difficult for her to concentrate on pulling it off of him quickly. He moves his lips to her neck while she unbuckles his belt and unzips his trousers. She needs to get on her knees to take off his shoes but she figures that will put her in the perfect position.</p><p>He pushes his trousers and boxer briefs down while she’s tugging at his laces, then he’s kicking everything off of him till he’s fully nude. She grabs at his hips and pulls his cock toward her, sucking the tip into her mouth quickly before he can move. “Jemma!” he yelps in surprise.</p><p>She looks up at him while she runs her tongue from tip to balls, and doesn’t stop until she’s covered every inch of his length with her saliva. She pushes her breasts together and slides his cock into her cleavage, to which he lets our a strangled moan of disbelief. She pushes it in and out a few times before grabbing hold firmly, adjusting her head, and taking him fully into her mouth. She sucks him like a delicious popsicle, and is just starting to fondle his balls when he takes her hand and prompts her to stop and stand up with him.</p><p>He kisses her lips needily, and she’s slightly disappointed. She loves getting him off with her mouth and he knows it. He runs his hands all over her lingerie, letting her know how much he appreciates it, before slipping his hands under the hem and teasing her pussy through her thong. Then he abruptly yanks the thong down and it drops to the floor.</p><p>“Best present ever,” he whispers sexily before pushing her gently onto the bed. He climbs on top of her and resumes his ministrations with his hand, massaging her clit with his thumb and fucking her pussy with two fingers. His lips go back to sucking her nipples, and she’s so relaxed into his care that she climaxes a second time easily.</p><p>“Oh, Grant,” she pants, when she can think straight again. “This is supposed to be <em>your</em> gift.” She opens her eyes to see him looking at her reverently.</p><p>“You’re all I want,” he says as he pushes her legs slowly apart. He climbs on top of her and she takes him into her arms and between her legs, kissing him softly as he lines up his cock to her entrance. His tongue mirrors the movements of his cock, sliding slowly through her lips and thrusting into her mouth. He starts to move in and out of her, taking it slow.</p><p>He moves his lips across her cheek to just below her ear. “I love you,” he whispers into it. He kisses down her neck.</p><p>“I love you, too,” she moans out. “So much.”</p><p>This isn’t the first time they’ve said it, but it’s the first time he’s said it while in the act of making love to her, and she is overcome with the emotion of it. Each kiss reaffirms his devotion to her and she tears up at the thought of being so well loved and taken care of. His fingers are touching her delicately as well, and if she didn’t know better she’d think he was trying to tease her. Only that isn’t quite possible with the way he is looking at her. Like she’s the most precious thing in the world.</p><p>It takes a long time for her to come a third time but she doesn’t rush him. He waits for her to finish before finding his own release, and she has no idea how he was able to drag it out as long as he did. They look into each other’s eyes, whispering “I love yous” in a post-coital daze. Then he finally rolls off of her and pulls her into his side.</p><p>“I’m glad we forgot about our anniversary,” she says as she turns to put her head on his chest.</p><p>He wraps an arm tightly around her. “What do you mean forgot?”</p><p>“Grant, it was two days ago.” She looks up at him and he’s frowning, doing the math in his head.</p><p>“No it wasn’t, it’s today,” he insists.</p><p>“Today’s the 23rd.”</p><p>“Yes, exactly, we got together on the 23rd.”</p><p>“I distinctly remember –” she argues.</p><p>“Well I distinctly remember, too.” She glares up at him and he’s smiling at her, then his face drops. “Oh shit,” he whispers. He rolls out of bed quickly.</p><p>“So now’s the part where you admit that I was right …” she teases. He’s scrambling to find his clothes and put them on. “What’s wrong?” she asks, sitting up and pulling a sheet over her, cold from the loss of his body heat.</p><p>“I uh, well … I planned a surprise for you tonight.” He says it absent-mindedly while he hunts for his boxer briefs. </p><p>“That’s very romantic of you,” she says, finding him very adorable while he trips trying to put his trousers on. She bites her lip to stifle a laugh.</p><p>He looks at her, slightly panicked. “It involved lighting about 100 candles on the roof.”</p><p>“Oh dear,” she laughs. “I guess my plan worked a little too well.”</p><p>“I forgot all about it once you took off your robe!” he laughs, before turning serious again. “But now I need to go clean everything up before I set the base on fire.”</p><p>Jemma jumps out of bed. “Oh, I can help! I’m sorry I ruined your surprise.”</p><p>“No, that’s OK, stay in bed,” he says, trying to ease her back onto the mattress delicately. He seems a little embarrassed.</p><p>“Oh hush, I want to see this romantic gesture you planned for me,” she says while she cleans herself up and puts on real knickers. She pulls on jeans and throws one of his baggy jumpers over a sports bra.</p><p>He looks at her nervously from the door. “It really wasn’t that big of a deal,” he mumbles.</p><p>“I’m sure I’ll love it,” she says confidently. “Because I love you.” She gives him a peck before opening the door.</p><p>When they get up to the roof, the wind has taken care of more than half of the candles. Jemma can see how it would have looked very beautiful if they’d made it up there two hours ago, but she also appreciates the three orgasms she had instead. Grant takes her hand and leads her to the blanket he had set out.</p><p>“Oh this is perfect, Grant!” she says, eyeing the expensive champagne and charcuterie board. “I’m starving!” They sit down and tuck into the spread, which is truly hitting the spot after their exertion in the bedroom. He pops the champagne and pours it into two coffee mugs he swiped from the mess hall.</p><p>“Oh, and you brought a telescope?” she asks him, though it is clearly set up a few meters away.</p><p>“Yeah, I thought we could try to see something. I know with the light pollution in the city it would be kind of hard, but you never know.”</p><p>“Oh, this really is romantic,” she says, leaning over to kiss him. “And it’s kind of making me feel like a tart.”</p><p>He laughs. “A what?”</p><p>“A tart – like a prostitute?”</p><p>“Oh,” he frowns, then waves a hand dismissively. “No way, that was a romantic gesture, too.”</p><p>She giggles. “My mum would not have agreed.”</p><p>He smiles widely at her. “Well, I’m not complaining. And I’m glad you came up here with me.”</p><p>“You put a lot of effort into this. You were just going to pack it all up and come back to bed?”</p><p>He shrugs. “The night went a little differently than I planned, but I’ve always been adaptable.”</p><p>“This is wonderful, Grant, really. Cheers to us.” They clink their mugs of champagne together.</p><p>“Want to try to see something?” he asks, nodding his head toward the telescope.</p><p>“Sure!” she says. “If nothing else, maybe we can spy on the neighbors.” He laughs because the industrial park where their base is located is practically deserted, and not just at night.</p><p>She examines the telescope he brought to the roof. It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out how to work it, so she adjusts the settings to give them the best chance. She looks into the sky and finds the Sagittarius constellation so she can aim for Saturn. That’s always how her dad started out when they went stargazing. She peers through the telescope and continues to make adjustments until she gets a semi-clear picture.</p><p>“Oh, it’s beautiful,” she says reverently. “I haven’t looked at it in so long. The rings are just spectacular. Did you know the rings stretch out more than 120,000 kilometers from the planet but that they’re only 20 meters thick? Have a look –” She takes her eye off the telescope and turns to Grant to let him see, but he’s not standing next to her anymore. He’s on one knee on the ground, holding a small box.</p><p>“Grant?” It takes her brain a second to process what he’s doing.  </p><p>“I have a different ring I want you to look at,” he says nervously while opening the box. She gasps at the sight of the diamonds and emeralds in the ring. She puts her hand up to her mouth like she’s one of those shocked women in a jewelry store commercial. Now she knows why they do it. He takes a breath and smiles at her before launching into his speech. She already knows her answer before he begins.</p><p>“Jemma, neither one of us has had luck with things that come from outer space.” They both laugh. “But those are the things that have defined us, and brought us to where we are right now. And that’s also why I don’t want to waste a single second of our lives together. I love you so much and I don’t know what I would do without you. I want to be yours … forever. Will you marry me?”</p><p>“Yes,” she answers quickly, once the question is officially asked. She wipes a tear from her eye and realizes his eyes are glistening with them as well. “Yes, I will marry you and be yours forever, too.”</p><p>He smiles from ear to ear and leaps to his feet, pulling her into his arms. He lifts her into the air and she squeals in delight.</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is only a “NOW.” After 21 chapters and 46,000+ words, I finally give you … The Blip!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>Jemma paces back and forth on the main deck of the zephyr, watching a holoscreen of the active missions and rubbing her pregnant belly absent-mindedly. There’s a countdown clock on one of the big screens and there’s less than a minute left. Evans is sitting in a chair staring at it, bouncing his leg at an anxious pace. When it gets down to 10 seconds, she uses her comms to let Grant know. They have to be ready now, for anything.</p><p>Nothing happens when the clock hits zero. She knew not to expect anything immediately, but Banner told her the missions would be instantaneous in their perspective of the timeline. A minute goes by, then another. She only knows that because the countdown clock is now running up; time is otherwise frozen. She starts to worry that something is wrong. The comms are silent. Evans is so still that she wonders if he is breathing.</p><p>It’s only when her body actually starts to relax with the assumption that nothing has happened that she hears gunfire in her ear. She turns to Evans and they listen intently while they zoom in on the castle feed. Without a doubt, there are more people in the room than there were just moments before.</p><p>It worked. They’re back.</p><p>She zooms in on each video of the other locations one by one, to take her mind off of what is happening outside the zephyr. Evans pulls up a news feed, and it also distracts her. The world has erupted into chaos yet again, only this time people are crying happy tears.</p><p>There’s a knot in her stomach as she simultaneously worries about every single person she loves, around the world. Coulson’s mission seems to be going smoothly but May looks to be having a rough go in Shanghai. She tries to remember the time Piper taught her how to put someone in a headlock so she can picture Piper holding her own in the fight and getting home safely.</p><p>She pulls up the castle feed of the monolith chamber. Her eyes search for her husband first, then Fitz. Grant has knocked out Gideon Malick with an ICER and taken him into custody. She’s proud of him for not outright killing the man, even though they discussed at length that if needs must, he shouldn’t hesitate to do so. Fitz isn’t in the room, which means Davis did his part and got him somewhere safe. At least she hopes.</p><p>The SWORD agents seem to have had an easy job of disarming the HYDRA soldiers, who she can tell are incredibly disoriented by the events of the last 12 minutes. She can’t imagine what it must be like for them. Grant is speaking to them all now in the monolith room, filling them in on the state of things. She sees them try to understand what he’s saying and all manner of expressions cross their faces.</p><p>When he’s done, he says “all clear” through his comms and she prepares herself for what will happen next. Evans disarms cloaking and she goes down to the cargo bay to wait for Fitz. She’s tried her hardest to hide her pregnant belly so it won’t be the first thing he sees. She’s wearing a very baggy sweatshirt and she pulls a coat on top to add an extra layer. She doubt he will be fooled for very long.</p><p>Jemma told Davis not to say too much to Fitz. He was allowed to break the initial news, of course: <em>Hi, what’s been a blink of an eye for you was five years for the rest of us. Welcome to the future!</em> But she wanted Davis to wait for her to explain the rest. However, she doubts Fitz let Davis off the hook for a second and will have surely peppered him with questions for the past 18 minutes and 23 seconds. It’s harmless, really. All the big stuff he’ll have to see for himself anyway.</p><p>The ramp lowers and her heart rate speeds up. Even though the moment is approaching that she will be reunited with Fitz, it’s doesn’t feel momentous. The fact it feels so ordinary is what’s affecting her the most – since this moment is clearly an extraordinary one.</p><p>She locks eyes with Fitz the instant the ramp is low enough and he looks exactly the same as he did five years ago, naturally. He’s clearly relieved to have her in his sights and as soon as the ramp is low enough, he runs toward her calling her name. She smiles at him while tears run down her cheeks, and she savors the seconds before she has to break his heart completely.</p><p>He pulls her into his arms desperately and she returns his hug, pulling him as close as she can to make sure he’s real. She is so very happy to see him again; her heart is practically in her throat. But she knows the exact moment he realizes that time really has moved on. His whole body tenses and he recoils from her, his eyes falling on her stomach.</p><p>“No,” he whispers. He looks at her face, horrified. She smiles weakly at him. “I didn’t want to believe him,” he says hoarsely. He backs away from her. She looks toward Davis apologetically, and he looks concerned.</p><p>“It’s all right, Fitz,” she says softly.</p><p>“It’s not all right,” he responds sadly, shaking his head. “It’s not bloody all right! Five years?”</p><p>She looks at him, barely able to contain her tears, and nods. He pinches his nose with his fingers and turns away from her. She feels the urge to defend herself but she knows he’s in pain, and she knows she can’t do anything to protect him from it.  </p><p>“I told him about Thanos,” Davis says nervously. “But you probably didn’t hear the update – the director got a call from Koenig. Thanos is attacking the Avengers base.”</p><p>“What?” she asks, panicked. “How?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Davis shrugs.</p><p>“Can you go find out?” she asks, angling her head toward the main deck.</p><p>“Sure,” he says, patting her shoulder before running up the stairs.</p><p>That leaves her and Fitz alone. The ramp door has already gone back up and it’s completely silent. She knows Fitz is trying to hide that he’s crying, but they won’t have much time alone so she dives into what she’s been rehearsing for weeks.</p><p>“Fitz, I’m so sorry,” she says first. “I can’t imagine what it must be like to come back after five years.”</p><p>He turns to her and asks, “half the world disappeared?”</p><p>“Half of all life in the universe,” she explains.</p><p>He nods, trying to comprehend and likely failing. It took her months to process the information. But then he asks something that seems like the least of their concerns. “Did you go through the portal?”</p><p>“I did … but it’s not what you think.”</p><p>He shakes his head sadly. “I’m the one who’s sorry, Jemma,” he says. “I let you down.”</p><p>She takes a step closer to him. “You never let me down, Fitz. This was something you couldn’t control.”</p><p>“The curse,” he sighs. “What did I tell you?”</p><p>She rolls her eyes. “Oh come on, don’t start with that.”</p><p>He gestures toward her pregnant belly. “Well, it’s obvious you’ve moved on in five years. Right when we were finally figuring things out. That’s how the curse works.”</p><p>She takes his hand in hers and looks him in the eye. She wants him to pay attention to her next words, but she can barely get them out. “If I had known that you would come back someday …”</p><p>He lets go of her hand to touch her wedding band. She curses herself for using her left hand to grab his. Not that he didn’t already suspect by her appearance, but the platinum ring will certainly give a sense of finality.</p><p>“Will?” he asks shakily. The look in his eyes is so sad she can feel her heart breaking in two.</p><p>She shakes her head no. “We went back to the planet but he wasn’t there. Neither was It. I don’t even know if Will was alive when it all happened. I’m not sure if that means he’s back now, too.”</p><p>Fitz stares at her. “We?”</p><p>“Me and Gr- uh, Ward,” she stutters.</p><p>He looks at her, confused, and lets go of her hand. She can see the wheels turning in his brain. She’s scared of his next question.</p><p>“When Davis said ‘director’ – he wasn’t talking about Ward, was he?”</p><p>“I’m afraid he was,” she says quietly. “Ward is now the director.”</p><p>“What. The. Hell?” he asks angrily.</p><p>“A lot has happened in five years, Fitz!” she tries to explain. Fitz is seeing red now, and she knows there’s nothing she can say but she keeps talking quickly anyway. “Coulson left Mack in charge and Mack was the director for a while. But it all got mucked up when Talbot got involved, and in the end we ended up voting unanimously for Ward to take it on.”</p><p>Fitz is glaring at her but she knows that, at least for this part, he isn’t angry with her.</p><p>“He’s done a great job actually,” she says quietly. “He’s been a very good director.”</p><p>“Sorry if I’m confused, but to me it was only a few hours ago that he was <em>torturing you</em>, Jemma,” he says coolly.</p><p>She nods. “I know. I know how it sounds. I would have never imagined it five years ago, either.”</p><p>“What happened to Coulson?” he asks.</p><p>She’s very grateful they’ve gone to a new topic. “He and May went on a mission in space. I only saw them again a few weeks ago. They left before I made it back to the Playground.”</p><p>He furrows his brow and looks worried. “Were you OK? Did HYDRA hold you prisoner?”</p><p>“No, Ward let me go,” she explains. “And he helped me get to Sheffield.”</p><p>“Your parents?”</p><p>“They vanished, like you.”</p><p>“Oh," he says. "I’m so sorry."</p><p>“Your mum did, too,” she explains. “I tried to get in contact with her … I think her neighbor took care of her things.”</p><p>“Bloody hell,” he says, running a hand over the back of his neck. “But you had Mack?”</p><p>“For a while,” she says with a smile. “He and I became quite close, as you always said we would.”</p><p>“Where is he?”</p><p>“Well, right now he is in Wakanda, but he stepped away from SHIELD a few years ago. He and his wife had a baby!”</p><p>Fitz raises his eyebrows. “Wow, a lot has happened.” She nods. “What about Daisy?”</p><p>“She vanished.”</p><p>“Bobbi?”</p><p>“Vanished.”</p><p>“Hunter?”</p><p>“He’s in Wakanda, probably pouring shots for everyone,” she grins at the thought.</p><p>“That's where this Thanos guy attacked?”</p><p>“Yes, there was a team coming to rescue us here that day but they all diverted to Wakanda.”</p><p>“So that’s why you had to go to Sheffield on your own?”</p><p>“I walked, if you can believe it,” she smiles.</p><p>“With Ward?” he confirms.</p><p>“Yes,” she explains. “It took us four days. It was miserable.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Jemma, that must have been hard,” he says.</p><p>“Losing you was the hardest part,” she says softly, her eyes filling with tears again. “I’m so happy to see you again.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” he asks. “Seems like you’ve made a new life for yourself.”</p><p>“That doesn’t mean I’m not happy to see my best friend.”</p><p>“Right … friend.” He looks so very disappointed in her. For a moment she feels ashamed. Then she has to pause to smile.</p><p>“He’s kicking me,” she whispers, putting her hand on her stomach.</p><p>“Wow,” Fitz says. He nods several times and wipes the tears from his own eyes. “At least you look happy. Are you happy?”</p><p>“I am,” she chokes out. “I didn’t expect my life to go the way it did, but I made the most of it.”</p><p>“That’s good,” he says softly, trying to compose himself. “That’s really good, Jemma. I’m happy for you then.”</p><p>She steels herself. This is the moment. They are lucky they haven’t been interrupted this far, so she needs to rip the bandage off and tell him the whole truth.</p><p>“Um, my husband,” she says, her voice shaking. “You know him. He’s here. I don’t want you to hear it from anyone else.” Fitz looks frozen, waiting for the final blow. She hates that she has to be the one to deliver it.</p><p>“It’s … Ward. Grant and I are married.”</p><p>His mouth falls open in surprise, and then the look of horror is back. His hands go over his face. “That’s … too much,” he mutters finally. “I think I’m going to be sick.”</p><p>She puts her hands on his shoulders to guide him toward a jump seat. His breathing is ragged; she thinks he might be having a panic attack. He’s looking at her but she’s afraid he’s not really seeing her. “Fitz? Can you breathe? Breathe with me. In … out … in … out.” He breathes as she does but the look in his eye tells her how betrayed he is inside.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Fitz,” she whispers as they breathe together. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“Dr. Ward?” an agent calls from the stairs. From the corner of her eye, she sees Fitz wince.</p><p>“Yes?” she asks.  </p><p>“The director was asking if you could check in,” the agent explains.</p><p>“Of course,” she calls back. She gives Fitz an apologetic look as he continues to control his breathing. He’s no longer hyperventilating, at least.</p><p>She walks to the other side of the room and reconnects her comms. “Director?”</p><p>“Jemma, there you are,” his tone is clipped, but she can hear the concern in his voice.</p><p>“I’m here, still on the zephyr.” She glances over at Fitz, who is staring at his feet and breathing very slowly in and out. “Are you OK? I heard gunshots?”</p><p>“I’m fine, not even a scratch.”</p><p>“I also heard something about Thanos?”</p><p>“We’re still monitoring the situation. It seems that Doctor Strange was able to bring all of the Avengers to the fight. There’s nothing we can do but wait.”</p><p>“Looks like it went well here; Malick didn’t put a fight?”</p><p>“No, and his agents are coming around. Most of them just want to go home and check on their families.”</p><p>“Are you coming back to the zephyr?”</p><p>“Soon,” he replies, hesitation in his voice. “I just wanted to make sure everything was all clear first.”</p><p>“It is. Or as much as it can be.”</p><p>“Good, because if Thanos gets his hands on the stones again, I want to be with my wife.”</p><p>“Ditto,” she says. He responds with “10-4” and then the line is quiet again.</p><p>She walks back over to Fitz. “How are you feeling? Still short of breath? Has your circulation improved?”</p><p>“I’m better,” he says, looking up from his toes. “Feeling more embarrassed than anything.”</p><p>“You don’t need to be,” she says quickly, sitting down next to him again and taking his hand. “I was a total wreck five years ago; it’s a lot to take in.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says with a half smile. “Is everything OK with …?”</p><p>“The Avengers are fighting off Thanos as we speak. I don’t even want to think about what would happen if he gets the Infinity Stones again.”</p><p>“Oh,” he says, looking worried. “But I meant … here. Malick isn’t still trying to go through the monolith, is he?”</p><p>“No, and he won’t be able to,” she explains, shaking her head. “We’ve gotten rid of the stones. No one is going back there. And Malick is in custody, knocked out so he can’t shout out any insane orders.”</p><p>“Did you destroy them?”</p><p>“Not exactly,” she says, unsure of whether she should reveal to anyone – even Fitz – how she and Grant cloaked the stones before hiding them where they hope no one will ever find them. She changes the subject. “Can you walk? We should head up to the main deck so we can see what’s going on.”</p><p>“Sure,” he mumbles. She pulls him up and links her arm in his so he can lean on her. “Jemma, I’m fine,” he says, gently moving her away from him. “Please don’t … do that.”</p><p>She nods in understanding and leads the way to the control room on board. Davis, Evans and the other agents are all eagerly watching the feeds.</p><p>“Thanos?” she asks.</p><p>“We don’t have a clear visual, only this satellite feed,” Davis explains.</p><p>The whole Avengers compound has been destroyed. If she is seeing what she thinks she’s seeing, an intense battle is raging over the rubble. Fitz goes to the control panel and fiddles with the settings. The picture instantly becomes clearer. She smiles at him across the room and she’s overcome by gratitude to have him back. </p><p>She notices movement on the feed for the cargo bay and when she spots her husband, she hurries out of the room to greet him. Jemma walks through a group of agents who are carrying an unconscious and restrained Gideon Malick. She studies the agents’ faces carefully to confirm that none of them were ever HYDRA. They can’t risk someone helping him escape, even though she knows the director wouldn’t have put Malick in untrustworthy hands.</p><p>Grant is taking up the rear and talking into his comms. He looks at her and smiles wide, and hurriedly tries to finish his conversation. She doesn’t mind though and when she gets to him, she pulls him into her arms anyway.</p><p>“Koenig, I need five,” he says, struggling to speak with how tightly she is holding onto him. "Five <em>full</em> minutes, please.” He disconnects.</p><p>“Hi,” he says, lightly pushing her back so he can see her face. “Is everything really OK or were you just saying that?”</p><p>“It went about as well as I could have expected,” she says. Then her eyes start filling with tears and she hides her face in his chest.</p><p>“I know, baby,” he comforts her. “I know that must have been really, really difficult. But now it’s done.”</p><p>“I still can’t believe this happened,” she mumbles into his chest. “That they really did it.”</p><p>“Yeah, but this Thanos thing,” he cautions. “It’s not over yet.”</p><p>Suddenly a shot rings out in the cargo bay. Grant lifts her and throws her behind some crates, pulling his gun from his holster and returning fire before she can even blink.</p><p>“Grant!” she shouts. “Are you hurt?”</p><p>“I don’t think so,” he says. “Someone forgot to put the ramp back up. Fuck, I can’t even see where the gunman went.” He reconnects his comms and shouts for backup to come to the cargo hold.</p><p>“They’ll never make it in time,” a voice snarls from a few feet away. “Hail HYDRA.”</p><p>Another shot rings out and Grant quickly returns fire. She hears the other man groan, and it sounds like Grant hit him. He fires off another round at the ceiling as he falls over. Grant puts his body over Jemma’s to prevent her from being hit by a stray bullet. The tactical team arrives and subdues the injured gunman.</p><p>Grant slowly eases off of her and sits down on the ground next to her. “Are you all right?” he asks.</p><p>“Yes, I’m fine, but what about you?” She checks every part of him she can reach and finds a hole in his shirt, but the bullet must have gone straight into his bulletproof vest. “Oh thank God,” she mutters.</p><p>“Of all the things I was expecting to happen today …” he jokes. She smiles at him and shakes her head. She looks around the room and up to the landing above the cargo bay. Fitz is looking down at her. At them. She still sees the pain all over his face.</p><p>Grant stands up and extends his hands for her, pulling her up. He lovingly rubs her pregnant belly. “Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?” he asks, concerned.</p><p>“No, love,” she shakes her head. “You can go back to being the bossman.”</p><p>He nods knowingly and kisses her softly on the hand before he goes back into the fray. She can’t help but look up at the landing again. Fitz is gone.</p><p>Evans runs into the room. “Sir, we just got confirmation: Thanos is dead.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Shout out to GrantDeservedHappiness who always lets me know there is someone out there reading :) I appreciate you so much and hope you like this chapter especially!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>“Why do you want me to change my name so badly?” Jemma asks, exasperatedly. They were having a perfectly nice walk in the Italian countryside before her fiancé just <em>had</em> to bring it up again.</p><p>“Because that’s what people do when they get married!” Grant argues. “It’s a tradition!”</p><p>“Just because something is a tradition doesn’t mean you should do it,” Jemma scolds. “And that was before women could become doctors.”</p><p>“It doesn’t change you being a doctor if you go from Dr. Simmons to Dr. Ward.”</p><p>“It does if my whole career is built on name recognition for Dr. Simmons!”</p><p>“More like –” and he hesitates. He stops himself from saying any more and she glares at him.</p><p>“What? More like what?”</p><p>“FitzSimmons,” he mutters. “Everyone knew you as FitzSimmons.”</p><p>Her face softens. “Oh, Grant,” she says, stopping under a lemon tree and taking his hand to pull him back. “Is this a jealousy thing?” She looks into his eyes.</p><p>“Not completely,” he admits. “I also really want you to have my name. I want everyone to know we’re married.” The gaze he’s returning is intense, almost possessive.</p><p>“Won’t everyone we care about already know?” she chides.</p><p>“It’d be a fresh start again. A new beginning. It’s … I can’t explain it … but it’s important to me,” he says. He steps closer and pulls her into his arms. “Plus Dr. Ward sounds really, really sexy.” He kisses her softly. When he releases her, she looks up at him smiling down at her shyly. It’s a beautiful day, they’re in Italy under a lemon tree and she loves this man.</p><p>“I’ll think about it,” she concedes. His smile widens and he lets her go, tugging her by the hand along the path.</p><p>“That’s all I can ask,” he says, bringing their joined hands to his lips and kissing hers.</p><p>“As long as you think about changing your name to Simmons.”</p><p>His neck pops with how quickly he turns to look at her. “What?”</p><p>“It’s only fair,” she argues. “This is the 21<sup>st</sup> century after all.”</p><p>“But –” he starts. She raises her eyebrows at him. “OK,” he says quickly. They go back to walking hand and hand down the country path.</p><p>“I thought we’d be there by now?” she asks.</p><p>“It’s just up ahead.”</p><p>“<em>That’s</em> the cottage?”</p><p>“I guess so,” he shrugs.</p><p>“That’s not a cottage, that’s a bloody mansion.”</p><p>“I must have gotten the translation wrong.”</p><p>“It makes more sense the artifact would be in there, I guess.”</p><p>“You ready?” he asks.</p><p>“Yes, but I need a second to get into character.”</p><p>“You don’t need to … what are you doing?”</p><p>Jemma is ripping her sundress along the hem to make herself look more disheveled. She takes some dirt and brushes it over her, then wipes some on his face.</p><p>“Hey!” he says, jumping back from her. “I don’t think we have to pretend we had car trouble in a swamp.”</p><p>“No, that’s from where I slapped you.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>She rolls her eyes at him. “I just found out you were cheating on me, of course I’d take a swing while I have the chance.”</p><p>“Why is that part of your backstory?!”</p><p>She gives him a devious smile. “You’ll want to know what happened after I slapped you. Here’s a hint: it involved the hood of the car.”</p><p>“While I wouldn’t mind getting back to that,” he says, his interest piqued. “You really don’t have to go to that much trouble. We’re just going to tell them we had car trouble, ask to use their phone and steal the artifact while we wait for the ‘tow truck.’”</p><p>“Grant,” she rolls her eyes at him. “Your plan requires a lot of improvisation. You really want me to go in there without preparing?”</p><p>He studies her for a moment. “OK, what did we do after you slapped me?”</p><p>…</p><p>With only a few hiccups to the plan, they secure the artifact and take a train to Venice, where they meet their contact and exchange the artifact for what SWORD was really after: a Kree communications device.</p><p>“Pleasure doing business with you,” the mafia kingpin tells them.</p><p>“Ciao,” Grant says as he and Jemma get up from their dinner and leave the room. He whispers into her ear as they make their way to the exit, “I have a bad feeling about this. On the count of three, I want you to run. One … two … go!”</p><p>They sprint out of the trattoria and cross a bridge over the canal. Gunfire follows them as they run through a square and come to a dead end. A gondola is floating by and they jump in. Grant grabs the oar from the gondolier and they take off down the canal till they can see St. Mark’s Basilica, and jump back out. There’s a water taxi leaving for the main land and they sprint across the square to catch it. Grant has to punch a deckhand trying to prevent them from jumping off the dock and onto the boat.</p><p>It really has been quite an exhilarating day.</p><p>She and Grant laugh when they realize they’ve made it, though there will likely be someone waiting on the other side for them. They’ll have about 30 minutes to sort through their next plan. The captain of the ship and a crewman bustle over and curse them out for sneaking onto the ship. Grant apologizes in his flawless Italian and hands them a stack of Euros for their trouble. They are appeased and wander off. The other passengers stare at them and Jemma turns to look out at the water and the glowing lights of Venice to escape their gaze.</p><p>Grant puts his arm around her and she looks up at him, beaming. They almost never go on missions anymore, and rarely together. Even though they ended the day running from gunmen, it was nice that they got to take a short trip to Italy. Grant bends over and kisses her. She can practically feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins.</p><p>He pulls back from her and blurts out, “let’s get married.”</p><p>She laughs and holds up her ring. “You already asked me about that, remember?”</p><p>He hesitates. “Yeah but … what if we did it … now?”</p><p>“And by now, you mean …?”</p><p>“On this boat,” he says seriously. “By the captain.” She hesitates. “Look, I know you wanted to do something in Sheffield and we can still do that if you want. But I don’t want to wait. We almost died back there and we might almost die when we reach the next dock. I love you and I want you to be my wife. Tonight.”</p><p>She blushes at his intensity. They’ve only been engaged for a month, so she’s a little wary of skipping over the engagement. But he was right when he asked her to marry him, and he’s right asking her to have a wedding now: they don’t know how much time they have. They’ve lost so many people, and it never happens when you expect it. She’d rather not entertain the thought they could die once they reach the mainland, but you never know.</p><p>She wants him to be her husband – she’d said “yes” after all – and has never once doubted her decision. She looks out across the water and up at the many visible stars. It’s a perfect moment, and so very them. She looks back up at him, patiently waiting for her answer, and smiles.</p><p>“Yes, let’s get married.”</p><p>He leans down to kiss her and then hurries to find the captain again. They return quickly. The man looks very confused and gets even more confused the more Grant talks. Grant frowns.</p><p>“What is it?” she asks.</p><p>“He’s saying that just because he’s a captain doesn’t mean he can officially marry us before God.”</p><p>“Oh,” she says, disappointed. “Well, can’t he do it anyway?”</p><p>Grant grins at her and kisses her again. “I love you,” he whispers. He speaks to the captain again, who shrugs and says in broken English, “You make promise.”</p><p>“Our vows,” Grant says to her. “Oh crap, I forgot about that part.”</p><p>“That’s OK, I’ll go first.” She smiles at him and clears her throat. “I was just thinking that this whole thing is very us. We met through SHIELD. Of course we would get married in the middle of a mission facing certain death.”</p><p>The captain looks at her, confused, but she continues.</p><p>“The past seven months have been the happiest I’ve ever been. You and I have already been tested in our lives. We’ve seen the worst sides of each other and yet we still found our way here. I promise to continue loving you and cherishing you; making you stay in bed when you’re recovering from a gun shot would or an ankle sprain; telling you when you’re wrong and you need to follow your heart and not your head, or vice versa. I love you so much, Grant. I want to spend every day with you for the rest of our lives. I’m honored to become Dr. Ward, your wife.”</p><p>Grant looks at her, surprised. “You mean?”</p><p>“Yes, I’ve thought about it.” She rolls her eyes. “I’ll change my name.”</p><p>He leans down to kiss her, but the captain pulls him back. “No, no,” he scolds. “After.”</p><p>Grant shakes his head. “Right. OK.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know how to follow that exactly ... I mean, you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met. The fact that you have faith in me after everything, it means the world to me. I’m in awe of you every day. Not just because you’re smart and beautiful and a ray of light in every room. You call me on my bullshit, too. And you make me want to be better. I promise to always treat you with respect and give you the love that you deserve, because you deserve the world, Jemma. I’ll never betray you again, not in any way. I’d rather die. I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe in this crazy, fucked up universe. I love you so much, and I’m sorry but I couldn’t wait one more minute to share my life with you.”</p><p>They smile at each other like giddy children, swinging their clasped hands. The captain nods and asks for something.</p><p>“The rings?” Grant says. “Well, we don’t have those.”</p><p>“Here!” one of the passengers calls out. Jemma looks to the side and realizes everyone has been watching them. She didn’t even notice, she was so wrapped up in Grant. A bag is passed up the rows till Grant can reach it.</p><p>“They’re Murano glass!” the elderly woman explains. “I was going to give them to my grandkids, but I think they’ll understand.” She winks at them. Jemma thanks her and Grant unwraps them. They’re not what she would have picked out but they’re beautifully made. She wonders if they’re the real deal or if the woman got them from a tourist trap. It doesn’t really matter either way.</p><p>The captain says something in Italian and Jemma doesn’t really pay attention, she just focuses on slipping the ring onto Grant’s finger. Then he puts hers on.</p><p>“Do you?” the captain asks her.</p><p>“I do,” she says quickly.</p><p>“Do you?” the captain asks Grant.</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>He says more in Italian and Grant laughs before ducking his head to kiss her. The passengers burst into applause and some of them even whistle. Jemma knows she is bright red by the time Grant releases her.</p><p>Their ceremony has the added bonus of making everyone very generous and kind toward them, so it’s easy to ask around for some items to disguise themselves a bit better. When the water taxi docks, they slip past the men in suits that are undoubtedly looking for them and jump in the back of a cab that they instruct to drive like mad to the airport.</p><p>Grant radios Davis to land the quinjet as soon as he can and they spend their 15-minute honeymoon smiling at each other and making out in the back of the car.</p><p>“So that wasn’t official?” she confirms after Grant pays the disgruntled driver. They walk past the terminal and wait in a grassy area nearby instead.</p><p>“Not at all,” Grant says dryly. “But it was for me. What about you?”</p><p>Jemma nods. “That was absolutely perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>NOW</strong>
</p><p>The zephyr lands at the Playground and Jemma waits nervously at the doors to the base. All of the teams are coming back here, and she wants to be there to greet her friends when they return. Grant has more to do in the control room, but he brings her a chair and a bottle of water while she waits. Fitz joins her and sits on the floor.</p><p>“So … my stuff?” he asks tensely. “Should I assume …?”</p><p>“I saved some things,” she says quickly. “And we cleared out all of your old rooms so you can have them back – just in case. You have some boxes inside yours, if you want to go look.”</p><p>“No, I’m anxious to see everyone, too,” he says quietly.</p><p>They wait in silence. Then the second zephyr arrives; it’s the group from Wakanda. She lets Fitz know who will be coming out and he visibly relaxes.</p><p>A few specialists she doesn’t know disembark first, with Bobbi. She pulls Bobbi into a big hug.</p><p>“You’re pregnant?” Bobbi asks incredulously. “Wow, I’m so happy for you,” she says, turning to Fitz and pulling him into a hug.</p><p>“No … it’s not …” he sputters out. But then Hunter is practically jumping on him.</p><p>“Fitz! Oh, I missed you so much, you beautiful, blue-eyed brainiac.”</p><p>Bobbi gives Jemma an exasperated look. “He didn’t even hug me like that …”</p><p>Daisy walks up next, looking tired and like she might have cried the entire plane ride.</p><p>“Daisy,” Jemma says, tearing up herself. “I’m so sorry about Lincoln.” She pulls Daisy into a hug.</p><p>“Thanks, Jemma,” she says weakly. “It’s so good to see you’re all right. Is it true what Hunter said?” She pulls back to look Jemma in the eye. “That Ward’s the director now?” She looks scared to hear Jemma’s confirmation, but there’s no use dragging it out.</p><p>“Yes, he is.”</p><p>Bobbi and Daisy exchange looks.</p><p>“But he’s not the same Ward you remember. The whole world changed, and so did he. He’s a better man. I trust him with my life.”</p><p>Daisy is looking her over and Jemma sees the moment the realization hits her. She points at Jemma’s midsection.</p><p>“Jemma! You’re … you’re …”</p><p>“Pregnant, yes,” she smiles, rubbing her belly reflexively. “It’s a boy.” </p><p>“Congratulations!” Daisy says, looking from her to Fitz. “You guys are going to make the best nerd parents.”</p><p>“I’m not …” before Fitz can get his sentence out, Daisy is pulling him into a big hug.</p><p>Mack arrives next, and her eyes plead with him for help. He looks at her confused and goes straight for Fitz.</p><p>“Turbo!” he shouts, pulling him into a hug and lifting him off the ground. “I’m so happy you’re back! I missed you.”</p><p>Daisy and Bobbi look over at Jemma, confused. She fiddles with her wedding ring nervously while everyone laughs and talks over each other. The doors to the base open and Davis and Ward walk out. Davis gets a warm welcome and is pulled into hugs, while Ward is mostly ignored. He goes straight to Jemma anyway, looking concerned.</p><p>“Baby, are you OK?” he asks quietly, putting a hand on her lower back.</p><p>“Yes, I’m fine,” she whispers back, though she gives him a look to let him know she’s far from fine in this moment.</p><p>“Baby?” Daisy spits out venomously. The laughter goes quiet. Bobbi looks at them with disgust.</p><p>“Oh,” Grant says guiltily, looking at Jemma like he’s realized his mistake. He takes his hand off of her and takes a step back.  </p><p>“Simmons, what the hell is going on?” Daisy asks her.</p><p>Jemma swallows and looks from Daisy to Bobbi and back. “It’s Ward now, actually,” she says confidently. She grabs her husband’s hand. “Like I said, a lot has changed in five years.”</p><p>“Did he hurt you?” Daisy asks in disbelief. “Brainwash you or something?”</p><p>“No,” Jemma scoffs. “Of course not.”</p><p>“Did you know about this?” Bobbi angrily asks Hunter.</p><p>“It’s like the good doctor said,” Hunter replies cautiously. “Five years is a long time.”</p><p>Grant squeezes her hand and she pulls him closer to her. She wants her husband to know that she’s not ashamed of him and that nothing has changed now that her friends have returned. She doesn’t blame them for their reactions. They will have to see, in time, what they have missed.</p><p>“Unbelievable,” Bobbi says, narrowing her eyes.</p><p>“If it helps, I vouch for him, too,” Mack’s deep voice rings out. “He was my partner and always had my back. I fully endorsed him to become the new director.”</p><p>There’s still a palpable tension in the air but before anyone else can say anything, the hanger opens up and a quinjet lands.</p><p>“Who’s that?” Daisy shouts over the sound of the plane.</p><p>“Shanghai,” Grant responds.  </p><p>May and Piper disembark with another team of agents. They all look like they’ve been through the wringer.</p><p>“Director,” May says dryly when she gets close enough. “We need to talk.”</p><p>“Can it wait till after we hug you?” Daisy asks affectionately.</p><p>May rolls her eyes and resigns herself. “Fine.”</p><p>May and Piper get passed around now for hugs. “You literally haven’t aged, May, how is that possible?” Daisy asks.</p><p>“I moisturize,” May says in her monotone voice.</p><p>Jemma uses the distraction to pull her husband aside. “I’m sorry you walked into that.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m just worried about you. I don’t want you to feel too stressed.”</p><p>“I want to wait for Coulson and then I’m going straight to bed,” she says.</p><p>“Did you call your parents yet?”</p><p>“Oh no,” she says, raising her hand to her mouth. “I forgot. I’m a bad daughter.”</p><p>“Well, don’t worry about that now; it’s late. They’ll understand.”</p><p>“Why are we still standing out here?” Hunter asks.</p><p>“We’re waiting for Coulson,” Jemma says loudly.</p><p>May approaches her and Grant. “We need to debrief,” May says. The director nods and squeezes Jemma’s hand before letting go and walking into the base.</p><p>“I’m hungry,” Daisy says, cutting the tension. “How long is this going to take?”</p><p>“I’ll go grab us something,” Davis offers, and he and Piper run off to raid the mess.</p><p>“What happened in Shanghai?” Bobbi asks Jemma.</p><p>“We reviewed the active missions on the day you all disappeared,” she explains to the group. “We had teams ready all over the world. May and Piper went to Shanghai, where a very dangerous inhuman vanished five years ago. It doesn’t sound like the mission went very well but I don’t know any specifics.”</p><p>“What happened with the monolith?” Bobbi asks quickly. “We were on our way to rescue you, when …”</p><p>“It’s OK,” Jemma interrupts. “No one is ever going back to that planet. Grant and I made sure of it.”</p><p>“Before or after he brainwashed you?” Daisy asks suspiciously.</p><p>“He didn’t brainwash me!” Jemma snaps.</p><p>Mack comes to her rescue. “Look, today is overwhelming for everyone. It’s just as strange for us to have you back after five years as it is for you guys missing them. We’re all sorry it even happened, but it did. We all need a little grace as we adjust. Now who wants to see a picture of my daughter?”</p><p>“Oh, I do!” Daisy practically squeals.</p><p>“A daughter, Mack? Wow,” Bobbi says.</p><p>They crowd around as Mack pulls out his phone and passes it around. He makes eye contact with Jemma and she mouths “thank you.”</p><p>Davis and Piper come out with a case of beer and junk food to share. Hunter pops off the bottle caps and hands them round.</p><p>“A toast,” Hunter says. “To the most batshit bonkers thing happening to the universe … twice.”</p><p>“Here, here,” Mack laughs.</p><p>Jemma clinks her water against the beer bottles. The roof starts to retract and another quinjet is landing. It’s Coulson – finally.</p><p>May and Grant come out to join them. Jemma offers Grant a beer, but he declines. He still has a lot of work left to do.</p><p>When Coulson steps into view, he smiles at the sight of them: the whole team back together and all in one piece. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” he says warmly. He takes extra care hugging Daisy, who was always like a daughter to him. It warms Jemma’s heart to see them together again.</p><p>They drink their beers in triumph. It was a long day, and they’ve earned them. Jemma and Grant slip away when Hunter starts telling a story about a mission in Monaco, one that seems to get more ridiculous each time they’ve heard it.</p><p>“There’s no way you just ‘found’ a yacht with a bazooka on it, Hunter,” Jemma hears Bobbi say as the door shuts behind them.</p><p>Jemma takes Grant’s hand as they walk to their quarters, intertwining their fingers and lost in their own thoughts. Grant gives her a good night kiss at the door.</p><p>“Will you come to bed with me?” she pleads.</p><p>“Maybe for a minute?” he offers. “This is definitely one of those times it’ll be an all-nighter.” She nods because she understands: the director’s job is never done.</p><p>He waits patiently on the bed while she washes her face and brushes her teeth. She puts on her flannel pajamas and crawls in next to him.</p><p>“Do you remember what you said last night?” she teases.</p><p>“Yes,” he groans. “I can’t believe I thought I’d get a good night’s rest after today.” He strokes her hair and she closes her eyes. “At least one of us will.”</p><p>“It didn’t go that terribly, though?” she asks through a yawn.</p><p>“All things considered, I’d say it went rather well.”</p><p>She nods. “Nothing we didn’t expect.” She opens her eyes to look up at him; he’s smiling down at her sadly. “I’m fine, Grant, really.”</p><p>“I just hate you having to pay for my mistakes,” he says. He takes her hand.</p><p>“I’m not ‘paying’ for anything. I’m having a few awkward conversations that will get less awkward over time.”</p><p>“But it’ll never be the way it was.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t want it to be,” she frowns. “Because then I wouldn’t have you and I wouldn’t have our son.”</p><p>He smiles at the mention of their baby. “Oliver,” he says reverently.</p><p>She smiles back. “Yes, Oliver.”</p><p>“I can’t wait to meet him.”</p><p>“Me either.”</p><p>They stare at each other for a moment, finally feeling content after the events of the day. He breaks the silence with a sigh.</p><p>“I should head back to the control room. Good night.” He lifts her hand to his lips.</p><p>“Love you,” she says sleepily.</p><p>“I love you, too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Poor Fitz ... Fitz had pretty lame vows at the FitzSimmons wedding so I was determinded to write something better for Grant :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>THEN</strong>
</p><p>She should have done a blood test. It would have been more accurate and she obviously had the resources to do so. But she didn’t want anyone nosing around or anything going into her official file.</p><p>“Twenty seconds,” Grant whispers in her ear.</p><p>They’re both staring at the pregnancy test on the vanity. Grant has one arm thrown lazily around her shoulder while the other holds out his watch. She can see his eyes in the mirror, darting back and forth from the time to the test. She’s been wringing her hands for the past 4 minutes and 40 seconds, and becoming increasingly nervous.</p><p>“Five minutes!” Grant says excitedly. Then he frowns. “I don’t see anything. Is it broken?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Jemma says, picking up the box and looking at the instructions again. “It says five minutes. It’s been five minutes!”</p><p>“Wait, I think it …” Grant says as the tiny screen starts to reveal a word.</p><p>“Pregnant!” Jemma and Grant gasp at the same time. They look at each other in sheer joy. Grant pulls her close and kisses her passionately.   </p><p>They’d only recently started trying. They’d talked about it <em>at length</em>, and decided to leave it up to biology. It seems that their biology is more than compatible.</p><p>Jemma certainly enjoyed the process of making a baby. It required incorporating science into their sex life, and Grant actually tried to understand what she was spouting off for once.</p><p>But even though they planned it, there was no amount of preparation that could have gotten her ready for this moment. She’s feeling so many things: elation, nerves, awe, wonder, terror, excitement and all of a sudden, nausea. She pulls back from Grant and puts her hand over her mouth.</p><p>“Oh no, morning sickness?” he asks.</p><p>She pushes past him and empties her breakfast into the toilet. Grant’s usually squeamish about this sort of thing, but he rubs her back until she starts to feel better and it helps. She wipes her mouth with a tissue and flops back on her bum. She looks up at him with a pout.</p><p>“Sorry?” he asks adorably. He sits down next to her and takes her hands. “You are going to be the best mom.” He kisses each one of her knuckles and she is coaxed into a smile.</p><p>“I can’t believe it already worked,” she whispers. “We’re going to have a baby.” She looks at him in disbelief.  </p><p>“We’re going to have a baby!” Grant says excitedly. He pulls her into his lap and into his arms, kissing her hair and cradling her lovingly.</p><p>“You’re going to be a great dad, too,” she whispers in his ear.</p><p>
  
</p><p>NOW</p><p>In the morning, Jemma calls her parents. Before long, it turns into a video call. They are anxious to see her baby bump and meet her husband, but Grant is still hard at work. They ask about a million questions, with Aunt Lily chiming in that she could have sworn they were having twins. She promises to go see them after Oliver is born for a good, long visit.</p><p>The next few days are a blur.</p><p>A lot of people come in and out the playground: the current SWORD agents; previous SHIELD agents who had vanished; and even a few HYDRA recruits ready to re-train for the new operation. Mack didn’t stay long, much to Grant’s disappointment, but he promised to be back soon for a visit with Yo-Yo and Sofia.</p><p>Grant puts a temporary pause on his 9 p.m. nightly cutoff, so Jemma has to go to the gym with him early each morning to get any time with him. That makes her a little grumpier by the time she clocks in at the lab, and doesn’t make things with Fitz any easier.</p><p>Fitz told Adrianne Prescott that she can keep his old desk, so now he sits about as far away from Jemma as he can. Though she’s his boss, she doesn’t put any pressure on him to jump into new projects; he spends most of his time trying to catch up on the latest technologies and regroup with the engineering team.</p><p>Things between them remain strained, and the same is true of her other old best friend, Daisy. But Jemma notices Fitz and Daisy huddled together most of the time, taking comfort in each other – and she’s glad for it. Daisy lost Lincoln and Fitz lost her; both were relationships that hadn’t quite gotten off the ground romantically. They glare daggers at Grant during every morning meeting. </p><p>Bobbi, at least, finds a way to come around to Grant. Jemma counsels him to apologize to Hunter (again) and Bobbi (for the first time), and it goes a long way. Afterward, Bobbi pulls Jemma aside, shocked that Grant would take full responsibility for his previous crimes. It helps that Bobbi’s the type of agent who recognizes chain of command, and it also helps that Hunter already negotiated a sweet deal for them. Grant sweetened it even more to keep Bobbi on board: she’ll basically never have to talk to Grant again if she doesn’t want to. Hunter and Bobbi go back to the European base with a smile and a wave to the director.</p><p>About 10 days after the Blip, Jemma notices something strange about the sample bags she is looking at. Whoever bagged them used the wrong colors, and she realizes she’ll need to go back through all of them to retest. She looks through the lab log, wondering if it’s one of the newer agents who didn’t work with her in SHIELD. But strangely, it’s Fitz. She looks over at him, puzzled. He helped her design the system more than five years ago – which for him was only seconds – so she doesn’t understand why he wouldn’t follow it.</p><p>She slowly walks over to him and clears her throat. “Um, Fitz?”</p><p>He looks up from his computer with a blank look. “Yes, Dr. Ward?”</p><p>“I was testing the samples from the Salt Lake City operation and it seems that you didn’t use the right colored bags. B is for blue is for biological, remember?” She gives him a tentative smile.</p><p>He shrugs. “I just used whatever bags were convenient.”</p><p>“But you know we have a system, why didn’t you follow it? You can’t just do whatever’s convenient for you at the time.”</p><p>Fitz breaks into humorless laughter. “Well that’s rich coming from you.”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“Seems to me you lock on to whatever or <em>whoever’s</em> convenient for you at the time.” He clenches his jaw as he furtively looks from her eyes down to her belly.</p><p>“I beg your pardon?” she asks, thrown through a loop.</p><p>“First Will, now Ward,” he mutters. “Is that why you wanted to be with me? Was it a matter of convenience?”</p><p>“I … I don’t …” she stutters. It seems Fitz has been stewing over here since he’s been back and his anger is now bubbling out. She tries to stay calm.</p><p>“Hunter didn’t have a problem waiting for Bobbi,” he says, glaring.</p><p>She swallows. Her mouth is dry and her palms are sweaty. “I … I didn’t know … Fitz …” Her eyes are getting shiny with tears.</p><p>“I thought you loved me? But that’s it, isn’t it? You get into bed with whoever’s convenient.”</p><p>“Don’t speak to my wife that way!” Grant growls from behind her.</p><p>She spins around. <em>“</em>Stay out of it, Grant,” she says tearfully. “Please.” Grant looks at her and puts his hands up. He walks over to her desk so he can be nearby just in case. She turns back to Fitz.</p><p>“Fitz, would you like to get a cup of tea and talk?”</p><p>“No, just forget it,” he says coolly. He stands up and kicks his chair over. “I can’t be here anymore.” He stomps out of the room and toward the exit of the base.</p><p>She turns back to her husband and he’s already there, pulling her into his arms. </p><p>“Show’s over, people,” Grant chides the lab techs. She doesn’t want to see the looks on their faces. She also doesn’t want them to see her cry. She lets Grant take her down the hall and into their quarters so she can lay down and let her tears fall.</p><p>Two hours later, she wakes up to a knock on the door. Grant has gone back to the control room and she’s alone. She looks through the peephole; it’s Fitz.</p><p>“Hi,” she says sleepily when she opens the door.</p><p>“Oh sorry, did I wake you?” he asks sheepishly. He has two cups of tea, bless him.</p><p>“No, it’s fine, come in.” She opens the door wide and Fitz walks past her into the room. She gestures for him to take a seat on the couch and takes the tea he offers her. As she takes a sip, he blurts out his apology.</p><p>“I was a right arse, and I’m sorry,” he says. “It’s not easy getting used to … all the changes around here.”</p><p>“I know, Fitz,” she says softly. “I can’t even imagine.”</p><p>He nods, looking unsure of what to say next. “What was it like … when I vanished?” he asks slowly.</p><p>“It was like someone ripped my heart out of my body,” she says honestly.</p><p>“Aye,” he says, “I know the feeling.”</p><p>She looks at him sadly. “I cried all night in the spot you had been standing in, waiting for you to come back. I kept thinking about all the time we wasted – that <em>I</em> wasted. And I had to carry that, every minute of every day. I felt like I had no future. And with my parents gone, too, I was so lost.”</p><p>“That’s how I feel now,” Fitz nods in understanding. “And that the future was taken from me.” His eyes dart down to her belly.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Fitz,” she says, grabbing his free hand. “You have to know, it took me years before I even thought about a future with anyone else. All I did was work, and that reminded me of you, too. I had sort of a mental breakdown at one point; I had to go to therapy!”</p><p>Fitz laughs with her when she admits that. “Jemma Simmons, in therapy?” She swats his arm and lets go of his hand.</p><p>“The thing is, I had to change in order to move on,” she explains. “I’m not the same person you knew five years ago, and I’m glad for that. I’m stronger. I have a good support system. I’ve formed new relationships … obviously.”</p><p>“I can see that you’ve changed,” he admits. “You can’t know how strange it is to have five years pass in the blink of an eye. You used to be my constant, now you almost feel like a stranger.”</p><p>“I’m still the same girl you met at the Academy! Just a little older,” she laughs, “and hopefully a little wiser.”</p><p>He smiles. “You don’t get to say you were the youngest in our class anymore,” he teases.</p><p>She glares at him. “If I let you take the crown, will you be my friend again?”</p><p>He hesitates. “I think we’ll both have to get use to these changes, I’m afraid.”</p><p>His words cut like a knife and she fights the urge to start bawling again. “So that’s it? You just hate me now and forever?”</p><p>“I could never hate you, Jemma …” he says earnestly.</p><p>“But?”</p><p>“You said it yourself, you had five years on your own to build a new life. I’ll probably need twice as long to get over you.”</p><p>She smiles at him sadly. It’s not lost on her that if their roles were reversed, Fitz would have waited for her just like Hunter. But that doesn’t mean she loved Fitz any less than he loved her.</p><p>“Are you going to leave?” she asks.</p><p>“Sounds like what Coulson’s working on would be interesting …”</p><p>“You want to go back into the field?” she asks, surprised.</p><p>He shrugs. “You have any other suggestions for me?”</p><p>“I could always give Pepper Potts a call. With Tony gone, they are looking to fill a few roles.”</p><p>“Which one do you have in mind for me? Iron Man or the philandering genius CEO?”</p><p>“Fitz, I believe you can do anything you set your mind to.”</p><p>They laugh, and it almost feels like goodbye.</p><p>…</p><p>Jemma hopes that once Grant announces his big news, she’ll see a lot more of him. With the baby coming any day now, she has been insisting he work a lunchtime break into every day. They decide to stay on the base, at least for a while, to make the transition easier.</p><p>She walks with Priya and Piper into the hangar. There’s even less room for one of these meetings in the base now that they have twice as many staff. She sees Fitz and Daisy laughing with each other on the other side of the room, and she smiles at them. She had a heart-to-heart with Daisy after the one she had with Fitz, and it went about the same. She doesn’t begrudge them for wanting to move on the way she did, and she hopes some day they can all be friends again. For now, she’s giving them some space.</p><p>May and Coulson are standing at the front with Grant, ready to make their announcement. Grant catches her eye and she waves at him. Once everyone’s gathered, Koenig gets everyone to quiet down.</p><p>“Thanks,” Grant says to him. “Most of you probably already know about this, but we wanted to make an official announcement this morning anyway. Phil Coulson is back in his previous role as director of SHIELD.” The crowd claps loudly for him. “Melinda May will be leading the new SHIELD training program and serve as deputy director. I will remain director of our SWORD division, and focus operations on interstellar threats.</p><p>“As you may remember, Director Fury had the original idea for SWORD. I thought our days of fighting HYDRA were over. I thought we had our extraterrestrial threats under control and that we could focus as one agency on both. But Director Coulson and I agreed that Fury’s original plan has merit, and we have decided to refocus as two separate agencies. We intend to continue working together to protect Earth, and protect all people. Director Coulson, would you like to say a few words?”</p><p>Coulson shakes Grant’s hand with a smile. “Director Ward has done a tremendous job in my absence. Let’s give him a round of applause.” Jemma smirks at Grant’s blush as she cheers from the back.</p><p>“I know we’ve all been working day and night in the wake of the Blip,” Coulson says. “Thank you for all of your efforts. We will be working on the logistics and personnel assignments over the next few weeks, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. Here’s to us, who’s like us?”</p><p>“Damn few!” the crowd shouts.</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We're at the end! I've really enjoyed posting a chapter a day for the past month, and I have to admit I'm a little sad for this to be truly finished. Thank you so much for reading, commenting and giving me kudos! I hope you enjoy this happy ending for the Wards :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <strong>TWO MONTHS LATER</strong>
</p><p>“That’s my sweet boy. Good job, little Ollie. You are absolutely the best grandson in the world,” Jemma’s mum says softly after her grandson burps.</p><p>Jemma smiles at them before noticing the spit up down the back of her mum’s shirt. “Oh! Mum!” She takes a burp cloth and wipes it up.</p><p>“That’s perfectly all right, dear,” she says. “I’ll just go inside and cleanup.” She hands Oliver back and boops his nose before walking to the back door.</p><p>They’re having a picnic lunch in the garden at her parents’ home in Sheffield. She’s so lucky she and Grant were able to get away for the week. That hasn’t stopped either of them from checking their emails and taking calls. The split between SWORD and SHIELD has meant late nights even on top of midnight feedings, but things should settle down soon as they work out the kinks. </p><p>Grant’s on such a call now. He’s made it all the way across the yard and is now beginning his pacing back toward her, nodding his head vigorously. He gives her a peace sign, indicating he’ll only be a few more minutes.</p><p>“That husband of yours is a hard worker,” her dad says from behind her. He flops down next to her on the blanket. “Your mum sent me out in case you need any help.”</p><p>“Oh we’re fine,” she dismisses. “You can go back to your match.”</p><p>“You don’t mind?” he asks.</p><p>“No,” she says, smiling back at him.</p><p>“There’s only an hour left!” he says excitedly. “Then I’ll be happy to come back out.” He practically runs back into the house and she laughs at his retreating figure.</p><p>Her dad was practically giddy when she showed him he could rewatch all of the old football championships he’d missed from the past five years. Her mum only lets him watch one match a day but she figures once she and Grant leave, he will put a permanent dent into the couch.</p><p>“What do you think Oliver Ward?” she whispers to her son. “Which type of football fan will you be, huh? The real football or the American version?”</p><p>“Why not both?” Grant asks as he sits down.</p><p>“Was that Coulson?” she asks.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Did they finally …?”</p><p>“Yeah!”</p><p>“Oh I’m so happy for Daisy! She deserves to run her own team, and she’s so good with the newly inhuman.”</p><p>“She is,” he agrees. “Easiest decision we had to make.”</p><p>“And Fitz?”</p><p>“He’s leading the engineering department, of course. Another no brainer.”</p><p>“That’s good,” she nods. “I’m happy for him.”</p><p>He smiles at her and leans over for a kiss.</p><p>“What was that for?” she asks with a smile. “Not that I’m complaining.”</p><p>“Your mother never leaves us alone!” he laughs. “I have to sneak my kisses when I can.”</p><p>“Oh, in that case …” Jemma sets Oliver in the basinet they brought outside and covers him with the shade to protect him from the sun. She turns to her husband and pulls him by the collar. “Come here, please.”</p><p>While she snogs her husband, she assesses her family and the happiness she’s found. She realizes that everything had to happen exactly as it did for her to be in this moment with her husband and her son.</p><p>And she wouldn’t change it for the world.</p>
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